I am sorry Lindsay, I just reread and realize that your little girl was not your only child. I often think of some of the mistakes I made as a mother. Even though I watched my children carefully, I remember a near miss by the pool. Things like that. I hope that your anger can someday be softened by the love you feel for your daughter and your mom.
You have every right to feel anger at your mom and at God and at life in general. My hope for you is that you can find your way to forgive your mom. What an awful burden she carries. It seems like you have a mom who was helping you watch you children. Take it from someone whose mom would never care to help her with her four children. The day after my treasured son, Chad, died in an auto accident on 9/4/09 I am told my mother was on the phone making reservations to go away. Only you know if your mom has been a loving mom to you. I feel like Sophia Rose was your first child.
As a mom of four, let me tell you that no parents get away without near misses. Human beings make mistakes and the unthinkable happens. The horror and pain will only be compounded if you cannot heal with your mother together. YOU WILL NEVER FORGET OR STOP LOVING YOUR CHILD. As for God I feel anger sometimes my self. My son was my life for almost 19 years. I have to say to myself that God wasn't there to save Chad he was there to welcome him. He doesn't save people because he doesn't play favorites. A young boy about 12 years old who was dying of cancer said that line about God not playing favorites. If you would like to read about my son please visit www.chadarthurholbrook.com. I would be honored. And my heart so breaks for you, your daughter, your mom and all who love your baby girl. With much compassion, Lisa
Hello, sweet Lindsay. My name is Susan, and I lost my 30 year old son just 4 years ago. I just saw your story, and my heart goes out to you and your family. Please listen to what I have to say. I know the pain in your heart and soul. And I know how hard it is to live with. But in your heart of hearts, please find forgiveness for your Mother. What happened was accidental, not deliberate. She is feeling more of the pain, because not
only did she lose her granddaughter, but her daughter is now rejecting her.
Reach out to her, take her in your arms, and find comfort in hers. Cry together. Sophia will always live on in your heart, as she will in the hearts of all who loved her. She will always be your baby girl.
I can understand your anger. But try to remember that this same Mom is the one who raised you and your siblings, if any, with all the love she had. She is suffering now, as you are. Please, comfort each other. In the long run, you'll be glad that you did. If you'd like to, visit the site I set up for my son. The address is http//rncordova.bravehost.com. That is r n, not m.
The man in the pics is my son, and the dark haired girl is my daughter. The light colored hair is me.
Hold tight, sweet girl. It takes time, but the day will come when you realize you're not crying as much. The pain will always be with you, but time will eventually adjust it so you can live with it. The void is going to be with you always, but you can try to fill it with memories
Much love and many hugs to you and yours.................
Oh my gosh Lindsay, this is horrible, I can't imagine the pain you are in, what with the dynamics of your relationship with your Mother and the loss of Sophia. I am so sorry, I just don't know what to say. For myself, Cameron's death was needless also and I believe that when we are born, we have a certain number of days we are here. I think that no matter what we could have done or did do that it wouldn't change anything. Sometimes I feel so guilty about what I didn't do or what I could have done but that gets me no where, so I tell myself that it was "his day to go to heaven". XXOO Lauree
Hi Lindsay, you must have lost Sophia in may? I lost Cam in may too. I was born in Burbank and Cam passed in Colo. Yes, we do have parallels. Are you sleeping OK? I have a difficult time sleeping and the days are much worse from lack of sleep. Occasionally I'll take a sleeping pill to help. I'm reading a lot of books on death of children. What happened to Sophia? I didn't see her story on your home page. The grief I experience comes in waves but I have also felt like dying to be with Cameron, just never voiced it before. I have to believe that someday I'll be with him on the other side, otherwise I couldn't get thru this process. I don't believe that God is responsible for our suffering, I believe that he comforts us. This is what gets me thru. Please write to me, I am right here with you. Hugs to u