kenyada, i know it is very hard dealing with your lost.i don't think you are going crazy. i just think you are missing someone you love very much. all of us grieve differently.it is really hard when you have someone you love in your life and then they are gone. i am going to keep you in my prayers. please take care of yourself take your time to grieve. remember all the good times you and you husband had when you are having one of those bad days.
Good Morning my friend, I am standing up in my kitchen ironing a blouse so I can go to church, as I speck to you this morning I seem to have tears in my eyes when I read your message your words are so peaceful and refreshing for me I feel that you are the family that I need I feel that just because I have lost my Karl that you understand what I am feeling and that you will never leave my side I thank you for that a thousand times. I will get a note book and put it in my car for when I go to visit my Karl I will write in there. when I went to visit my Karl yesterday I felt this sense of wind that came out of no where as I stood there behind my truck I mean there was not wind blowing but as I stood there crying my heart out believe my Karl was this wind around me as I put my head down on my truck I felt like I was in his arms and I was. Joan I had such a hard time to find my Karl yesterday but I am in the works to find him a head stone so that I don't have to look for him hard. I had said that I would not buy a head stone for him now that I would just wait but I cannot stand looking for him now that he has passed when I did not have to look for him when he was alive that just bugs me so I am trying to take care of it. Joan thank you for sending me the web site on craig list to find a job, I tell you things has been so blurry in my head I did not even think of the word craig list. well I must go now but you just send me a message any time you want or you can call me @ 612-275-4336 ok thank you and Blessing
Dear Kenyada: You have made me cry with your words of sorrow and grieving for your husband. All I have been able to do is to cry more and more for my husband. I can't seem to stop and it only gets worse each and every day. And I think it's because we are finally recognizing the reality of the absence of our loved ones. I too, love my John more than my life and I wanted to go with him when he died. I didn't want him to be alone without me. I am crying now along with you for the love we lost when our loved ones died. I don't know the next step or when it will end. But I know, like you, it's so hard, so very hard. But Kenyada, know that it's hard because we loved so very much and so very complete. There is no one out there who can replace our loves, and what we lost. I won't leave you as a friend in grieving. We need to cling to our loss along with someone who understands where we are in our lives. I don't think my John would want me to cry over him. But keep talking to your husband and visit the cemetery if it makes you feel closer to him. Why not plant some flowers there. I go every Sunday after church and I've planted some flowers just to add some color and a part of my love. I plan to sit there during the lovely days with him, talk to him, read or write. It's so quiet and peaceful where he is and it's a comfort to me to be that close to him. And again, it only lets me know he's there. There are no words to convey the loss except what we can think of. Kenyada, I journal all the time. I write in a book of my feelings and I write poetry of what I am feeling. I encourage you to get a notebook and write what you are feeling. I find it holistic and it helps me to write how I feel to the pages I fill with memories and feelings of the love we shared. I am glad we can correspond and be there for each other. God bless you and take care of yourself. Joan
Dear Kenyada: I understand perfectly how you are mourning your beloved. It's been three months for me and I cried so much today and tonight. If you've loved so much you will grieve that much more. When you're ready, I encourage you to find a bevearement group and join the one that your church has to offer. It may be good that it's not available to you right now. You may not be ready. I urge you to read books on grieving. Find the one that you can relate to. I will suggest one and it was a book suggested to me when my father died in hospice. I loved it as I find it to be comforting, loving of life, and having great insight. It's: "Understanding Your Grief: Ten Essential Touchstones for Finding Hope and Healing Your Heart." It's by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. who's an author and grief counselor. I also found great comfort in Griefshare.org. If you sign up for daily prayer and comfort, they will send you 365 days of grief comfort. I'm on day 56 and someone I know is on day 255. Try Griefshare.org. It's a Christian website designed for those of us who are grieving. I know what you're going through and I grieve my lost love with you. God bless you. Joan
Dear Kenyada: I lost my husband of only two years on January 25, 2010. We had one healthy year, and then he got a stroke the day before we were to celebrate our first year anniversay. I spent every day at the hospital and then he needed assisted living care 24/7. When I saw a bed bug come out of his shirt and the welts it caused, I took him home. His cancer came back and we did radiation and chemo pills and it all changed his body. He was very sick and all he wanted was to stay one day more with me. He never complained when I asked him if he was in pain. He said he only wanted to be with me. He went to the hospital with sepsis on Christmas Day and never came home. Like you, I couldn't go out or attend any function because my grief was too raw. I wanted to be alone so I could cry all I needed to cry. It's been only three months later and I still cry and will continue to do so until my grief gets better. What I get help from is the bevearement group I just started to attend. It's in my church and it's sponsored by Griefshare.org. I also get uplifting comments and prayers through day by day from griefshare online. If you are a praying woman, I suggest you try to find comfort in these ways in order to allow you to lean into your grieving. The only way out is through. Find grief books that will help you and let you know that what you are feeling is normal. You're not going crazy. You loved deeply; you will mourn deeply. That's the gift of grieving a loved one. I encourage you to seek your church or your pastor for comfort. I light candles every evening as I used to do when John was with me. I like to think the light represents his beautiful spirit and the love we shared. Also hold on to God. He is the Great Comfortor and will weep with you. God bless you.
Terri this is Kenyada and I don't know what to say, but hear I go. Karl soul mate I met one sunny evening down town Saint Paul in 1977. I had to go down town to get my oldest son off of the bus for some reason they would not bring him all the way home, as I was doing this I notice this guy and back then he was very well built and very nice looking. I got my son off of the bus and this person was leaving a building going home I guess, he asked me did I want to ride I told him no but at the same time I wanted to talk to him so as I got on the city bus with my son he went across the street to get in his car I remember I was about one block away and screamed out my phone number and he heard it and from that time on we had been together up till his passing. so as you can tell Karl was and still is my soul mate till we meet again. as I was reading your message I cried, it just hurt so bad I am finding that it is changing my days in the things that I would like to do but I don't want to do right now, I am not any fun to anyone and at the same time I am no company to anyone I am just hear. I don't know If I can ever be with someone else Terri, I don't know if I could ever love someone again, I don't know if someone else would ever a-peel to and if I do love again will I imagine that person being Karl, I just don't know. I know that God opens one door and closes the other but I just don't want my door closed yet and maybe never its hard for me to say right now. Terri I feel like you and I have known each other for years, but I know that God has sent and angel to me to help me heal and he sent you, thank you. Karl and I would always talk about everything and we know that we was going to go before me we just did not know when and how or where. can you see my karl with me Terri he has such wonderful smile that I will carrie with me for the rest of my life. I am hungry but I don't have any taste, and I know that I need to eat to keep up me going I know that Karl would not like that so I am going to close for now. till we talk again love and Blessing. Kenyada
Good Morning Kenyada Thank-You so much for writing back. It brought tears to my eyes when you were talking about laying on Karl's chest and hearing his heart beat.The answer I have to your question is no to getting your life back. The death of a soul mate changes who you are forever. Yes, you will laugh again someday but the heart ache will be with you forever.It gets easier. It took almost 2 years for God to give me a sign that Bob had made it safely to his next journey. When Bob died I was 45. I never in a million years guessed that I would be a young widow. The last week he was alive he went to a respite house. It is a beautiful place but he went in on Monday and on Thursday he TOLD me he was going to die. Yes they know I don't know how they know but they do anyway I got a call at 12 AM that things were changing so I went in. I layed with him until 1 in the afternoon listening to him breath then he just passed on to his next life. It was a beautiful thing he shared with me. I know we will meet again I just wish I didn't have to wait so long. I'm sorry if this post is so long but I am so excited to have someone to share like feelings with. Kenyada this is going to be the hardest thing you will ever have to endure. Take it one day at a time one minute at a time if that is what you need to do. Grief will eventually be your best friend. Just when you think you don't need it anymore it will pick you up and slam you against the wall and remind you that it is the boss. It will get easier but my life will never ever be the same without Bob. Stay in touch new friend. We can help each other. I pray you can find peace in your heart if only for a moment. Godspeed Kenyada. Terri
I am new to this website. I lost my husband 2 years and 2 months ago to pancreatic cancer. He was diagnosed on Oct 25 and died Dec 21. I know exactly how you feel even after 2 years. You learn to live with the pain but I still cry for him every day. I know it sounds like a cliche but we were true soul mates. I hope you can find some peace talking to yourself is good I do it all the time and I also talk to my husband Bob. I sometimes can feel his presence in the room. Maybe we can help each other out just by talking about our feelings. Terri