Everyone grieves in a different way, but from my experience, the hole or void in our life that we feel on the loss of our spouse results for a loss of connectedness to the world. This is the root of the loneliness that we experience. Being able to share our feelings and our fears with others helps use re-connect and diminishes the loneliness (at least temporarily).
I understand what you mean about the horses. It is not only the loss of the person that we loved, but it is the loss of the life that we expected to live that we grieve. For me it was the delayed plans for travel and new shared experiences. I regret the decisions to focus on job and career over the time with Molly. I hope to use that as a basis for living more fully and keeping focus on my needs rather than just the needs of the job.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I lost my wife to pancreatic cancer in Dec 2012. The first few months were just a fog for me. The pain of her loss has gradually lessened over the last 18 months. The intense crying subsided during the first couple of months but the heart break will take a lot longer to mend. Even though I know that I have her love in my heart and that she will always be a part of my life, I still miss her physical presence tremendously.
Things that have helped me include:
- Staying close to family and friends - Letting them care for me when I can not care for myself.
- I found a bereavement group at the local cancer support center and have stuck with it. It is so helpful to find people who have a similar loss to talk to and grieve with.
- Telling the story of my wife's death. I have fond that it helps reduce the trauma associated with her death, the things that happened in the last few days before she died, and walking out of this life into what awaited her.
- Celebrating her life and telling stories about her with friends. She lives on with me so much more vibrantly when I am reminded the things she did and said by friends.
The counselor in my bereavement group likes to remind us to take care of "mind, body and spirit". Get as much rest as possible, eat well, and keep active are all part of this. Grief is a healing process. So just like other injuries, we have to be mindful that our bodies are under stress.
This is a good place, there are many other people on this site that can relate to our loss and provide valuable insights, a shoulder to cry on or a word of encouragement when we are down.