Hi Lance. I just read your post. I am so sorry you have to go through this.
I still remember the days, and weeks after my brother died, and even though it is only 11 1/2 months past, I am not remembering each day that goes by. I think the first couple months are really difficult. And then each FIRST-- birthdays, holidays, anything you want to share... it sucks. Facebook has actually helped me a lot too! I made a group for my brother, and I have tons of pictures and random projects I have completed. It helped me.
Many hugs to you. I have found it rare that brothers talk as much as sisters so, if you need to email, please do. I have no idea how this site works actually. :)
I can't get "bridge over troubled water" out of my head... it plays non-stop and I feel like I should have been the bridge for my little Brother when he was going through troubled waters. I feel like I failed him.
My greatest fear has always been my own mortality. I have always been terrified that I will someday die, but now I don't fear it. I wish that I could die, but I do not want to make the people I love hurt. I can't heap more pain on them, but I hate that I am without my Brother. My life has really become meaningless other than trying to be strong for my family.
I was working in the kitchen today and suddenly thought that I should call my Brother and talk to him. I got happy at the idea of hearing his voice and then it hit me and I felt all empty and alone again.
i recieved a weird message from" joy" and i do not even think i had contacted her but i think you may be right about something not being "right" with this picture-- how can we have someone watching "her" to see if something is not quite right ??
I also got a letter from Joy and wasnt quite sure how to respond to it. It just struck me as odd but maybe I read too much into it. My emotions are off the charts right now! I share in ur pain with the loss of ur brother! I lost a sister 4 yrs ago and now my husband was taken away from me too....he will be gone 2 weeks tomorrow! I am here for you if you need to talk!
I want to thank you all for your words. I know that you all mean well, and I can see and feel the pain that some of you have right now. I can not help but feel like I am drifting in the ocean without a sail. I have an endless void in my life that can never be filled.
Yesterday I was at work and I glanced up and saw a man that I thought was my Brother. I did a double take and of course it wasn't. His haircut and hair color were the same, his height was the same and it jarred my mind, and then broke my heart all over again.
Hi Lance, I know your loss...my sister took her own life just last month on June 11th. I'm still in shock. We lived in different states, but that never stopped her from driving down to see me & my kids. I feel like there's something I could of done, or I should have reached out to her more. But part of me knows that would not of changed her thinking... I'll see her again one day.
I am so sorry Lance!! I know you are hurting right now and nothing anyone can say or do will help. Jamie was also my best friend...I can't believe she isn't here. I recently purchased...How to go on Living when someone you love dies. You should read this book! I am reading it right now. It was recommended to me by my grief counselor. I know in time it will get better...it just seems like time is standing still at the moment.
My Brother died by suicide on July 29, 2007. He was driven over the edge by an horrendous cheating, lying wife that cared only about herself and the drugs she took with the guy she was cheating with. I tried SO hard to get him to leave her, and he just didn't do it. I knew he was down, but had NO idea how bad it had gotten. I talked to him in person or on the phone often and still missed whatever signals were there. I hated myself for a long time...and still do most of the time. I also feel guilty if I laugh or start to have fun in any way. I've lost all focus, lost jobs and my life is a mess. I hate his "wife" so much that I can't see straight. He wrote her letter after letter threatening suicide and she said nothing. I know he's at peace now and in heaven, but I want him here. The guilt is overwhelming. I tried to be there for him, but missed the boat somehow. I even gave him a key to my apt and said he could move in anytime. I know exactly how you feel. If you need to, write anytime.
Lance I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss of your brother, be assured that “God is greater than our hearts and knows all things.” (1 John 3:20) He knows better than any human the factors and circumstances that may have contributed to your brothers distressed state. He also knows you—better than you know yourself. (Psalm 139:1-3) You can be confident that he understands what you are going through. When your grief seems overwhelming, recall the words of Psalm 55:22: “Throw your burden upon God, and he will sustain you. Lance, realize that probably nothing you could have been done if your brother was really determined to go ahead and end his life. You need to grieve crying will serve as an emotional release. “For everything there is an appointed time, even . . . a time to weep,” says the Bible. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4) this will make you stronger not weak, even Christ Jesus "became troubled and gave way to tears" at the death of his close friend, Lazarus. May you find comfort in your brother’s memories that are yours to cherish always.