Patricia,   I don't know if you saw it or not but I started a discussion about getting together for a big group hug and ask if anyone would be interested.  I thought it would be nice and good for us.  I did not have any details worked out as I ask for ideas.  Only about 10 people replied.  I would have thought with all the people on this site more than that would have replied, but I guess to get together would be a big decission.  I just thought it would be nice to do, kinda like the widows that get together in CA.  HUGS, linda gordon

Patricia,

You, your son & family are in my prayers today. I know this is painful. My day is appraoching & I am sick over it. I am glad to hear your plans to be w/ family & friends somewhere beautiful & that you will try to celebrate rather than mourn. Although, our hearts can't be fooled. God bless you. Hang in there. Big hugs (& some tears)~ Christy

Patricia,

You, your son & family are in my prayers today. I know this is painful. My day is appraoching & I am sick over it. I am glad to hear your plans to be w/ family & friends somewhere beautiful & that you will try to celebrate rather than mourn. Although, our hearts can't be fooled. God bless you. Hang in there. Big hugs (& some tears)~ Christy

Hi Patricia ...

I am so very sorry about the loss of your husband.  My husband Ernie passed away April 27, 2011 of pancreatic/liver cancer and I never dreamed I would not have him with me to go through the last lap of our future so I know how you feel.  Sometimes it's a feeling we may just a foothold towards a future for ourselves and then we can slip back without even realizing what hit us.  I hope that you are doing better, but understand that family and friends don't fill the void for you (I feel the same way) as our husbands were part of the group and it's a painful reminder.  In time I am sure it will get better although they will always be in our hearts ... until we meet again.

Hugs

Marcy

Patricia, glad to hear you are getting out & enjoying time w/ your daughter and family. It is hard- beyond words hard. It will be 1 yr. for me in August also. It sucks. I am crying & having some anger issues lately too. I'll/We'll be o.k. but it's hard. I wish you the best today & in the coming days, weeks & so on. Be good to yourself~ Hugs, Christy

Patricia, Thank you for your kind words.  My husband's birthday was July 2 and he loved the beach so my sister and I went to his favorite spot (La Jolla Shores) and it was very therapeutic!  I felt we honored him in the best possible way by doing something he loved.  As for the anniversary of his death, July 10, my children, brother, sister, and their significant others and I met for breakfast.  I did not want a big "to-do" and it was starting to go in that direction.  I actually spent the day away from home; I didn't want to relive everything that happened on that day.  I found last year that I was spending a lot of energy proving to friends and family that I was okay....it was exhausting!  On the one hand, I look back to a year ago and am so glad I'm not in that mind numbing, overwhelming state anymore.  The "year of firsts" is over, thank god....on the other hand I feel he is further away from me if that makes any sense.  I miss him daily and continue to be grateful we had almost 28 years together.  Our 29th anniversary is coming up in August.  I'll figure that out when the time comes I guess!

Patricia, I just read your post about your BBQ for Father's Day - what a great idea.  You are truly blessed.  I loved reading about the butterfly plaque and beautiful sentiment.  I wanted to tell you that I have just written out a list of plants that attract butterflies and I am going to plant a butterfly garden in memory of my husband Jack.  Because butterflies are exquisite and they represent the circle of life and freedom and gentleness, all wonderful things.

 

Have a peaceful and gentle day.

Carol

Patricia,

 

I watched most of the race from Pocono and My wife's favorite driver won his 84 career win. I'm sure she was watching and saying "Go Big Daddy!" as she had for some time when he was contending for a win. She was a big NASCAR fan because of me, I was at one time but the chase and the 48 took a lot of the fun out of it for me.

Patricia, I seem to be spending the day on this site. It replaced church this AM because I got caught up in answering/commenting. I think sometimes that is what God would rather we do. Though some of my coments got "lost". I guess they were not meant to be.

I have taken off to the beach alone too because that is where Wade and I honeymooned. I haven't been so brave as to camp but on our anniversary as well as birthday's I have to get away and change the subject. I think when we go off alone we give ourselves permission to cry more. To listen for any words of comfort that God may have. I think we are surprised when we do get that sign or odd coincidence only we would understand. I pray for your safety and extra insight as you spend this time alone. You are brave and you are doing it. You are living and that is somtimes more difficult than anyone realizes. Rest up and know that you are not alone in this. God go with you.... Hugs Kathleen

Lois I love you honey. 
In 1962 is when I meet you 
it started with a kiss, but now, 
It’s your presence I miss, 
I terribly long 
For that one kiss 
But the greatest pain of all 
That hurts me so deep, 
Is after giving you my love 
I can’t have yours to keep 
Always hoping and praying 
For the next time we meet 
For you to allow me, once again 
To feel complete 
And rest assured 
I will see you again 
For it’s not a question of if 
But a question of when. 
And when that time comes 
I’ll be in total bliss 
for no longer will I wait 
For that one last kiss. 

lost my wife after 48 years sept 16 at 7 10 am

POEM I WROTE FOR MY WIFE TELLS YOU ABOUT ME 


My wife was bold and full of truth. 
Our lives together was strong 
But soon we noticed something wrong. 
We dance much less to our favorite band. 
The morning headache that comes and goes 
The loss of feeling in her toes. 
One doctor says he has no guess 
The next one says we have a big mess, 
Now I must watch my love so pure 
wither from which there is no cure. 
many years are filled with joy and pain 
A type of life one can't explain. 
Yet by her side I'll always be 
As she slowly dies in front of me. 
With God as my witness I'd give up my life 
If it would spare the pain of my sweet wife. 
And when I die and God I see 
I'll ask, Why her and why not me? 



L

Hi Patricia, I am doing really well thanks.  Been home for a few days now.  My mother-in-law lives in Folsom, California, and 2 sister-in-laws, one in Santa Cruz and one in Salinas valley, close to Monterey.  Beautiful area, we just loved to go there all the time.  My husband wanted his ashes placed with his mom who is buried where he grew up so last fall we went and did that.  It is the most beautiful cemetery overlooking the Pacific Ocean.  I know he is at peace there.

 

I was just reading a post by Christy about how she reached out to a group at her church and how happy she did as she feels very supported by them.  Sometimes we just have to look elsewhere now I think for new friends, hard as that is.   Hubby and I were so family oriented we rarely did a ton of things with other couples, so my loss that way isn't huge.  I have a lot of girlfriends that I have had for a long time and they are my rock, if you will.

 

You take care too, what kind of dogs do you have?? Jack and I adopted an Australian Shepherd and her name is Karma and she is a handful, but very

sweet and loving and I am so glad I have her! 

 

Hugs,

Carol

Hi Patricia, just read your post as I sit here in hospital, recovering from surgery.  I do like reading your posts.  I feel close to your situation.  I know what you mean about the loneliness .  It is hard.  Not only grieving for the loss of the loves of our lives but for our futures.  Those road trips! We used to go to California a lot and loved it!  I am lucky that I have a great relationship with my inlaws who live there.  I can call and see them any time.  My youngest daughter is expecting a baby in June, very excited.  I know baby will fill some of the void I feel and I am looking forward to holding them and seeing some of my husband in them.  My daughter said to me a few weeks ago that people hope you are doing okay after 6 months and they start not asking any more.  They kind of hope you've got used to it.  Kind of a tough pill to swallow.  In our hearts though our love grows even stronger for our loved one.  I often think of Jack in heaven, feeling good again, being able to have some sense of freedom without the awful pain and for that I am very grateful.  We have to take their love, hold it tight and let it surround us:). You sound like you are doing well Patricia, and taking one step at a time is all you can do.  I hope you find a friend to share with!

Take care,
Carol

Patricia, It's hard to know our kids have bottled up all their suffering & we can't help. All we can do is hope & pray. I'm sure your son will work it out & be just fine in time-he knows you are there for him.

Did you & your husband get to use the camper? It sounds like you lived a full, enjoyable life! Larry & I spent most of our time working & going to school. We were looking forward to more relaxing days ahead. Larry & I have been looking at RVs for the past few years. We were looking forward to traveling/seeing the U.S. once he got settled at the new job & finished his Masters degree next year. He was going to let me leave my job in 2012 once I was fully vested & just work with him in our part time venture. I was looking forward to that so much. We were preparing to buy a small horse ranch w/15 acres that had room for my parents & all of our kids & granddaughter to live with us. He was a real provider- something I had never experienced before. (I was married 20 yrs. to a man that never worked a 40 hr wk-ever!)  Now I will continue working and stay put until I am lead elsewhere. Hopes, dreams & plans are gone. It's going to take time to get re-adjusted, but we will be o.k. if we hang in. What's the saying? If you're going through hell, keep going! :-)

Christy

 

Patricia,

I read your post last night & started writing you but decided to delete- I was getting so upset. It makes me sick what we & especially our children have to deal with and your son.... well, I simply don't want to imagine what he has been through. I have a (now 13 yr. old) stepson who lived with us until his father was killed in a work related accident 7 months ago. I don't believe he has greived yet. He is always mature & appears happy. It seems too good to be true & I worry about him. I wish he could receive counseling, but I have no say in the matter.

I wish the best for you & yours as the days continue.

Hugs~ Christy

 

Carol: Thank you for the special comments. We were very lucky wern't we. My John also said he loved me numerous times each day. His special comment was "I adore you". I  hold on to that. I know I'll never find another love like we had. We were the best of friends, and loved being with eachother. We looked so forward to our future together. Our motorhome, traveling, and just finally relaxing after all these years of hard work. Now at age 54 he's gone. I'm left to pick up the pieces and try to figure out why I need to get up every day. Yes we have kids, but they all have their lives and my time here is so lonely. I am attending a support group, although I'm the only one in it right now. It is helping alittle. Keep writing I love hearing all the words of support.

Dear Patricia, my husband's name was also John, although he liked to be called Jack.   I feel very similar to you, Jack was my world and I was his.  Everything revolved around each other.  He was just happy to go anywhere with me, to the store, the mall, for coffee, meet me at work, anything, just to be together.  He spoiled me terribly, making sacrifices of things he wanted for me.   Mostly though he just told me he loved me about 20x a day:)  As you say, each day you wake up and it is another day without the love, the affection and the looking forward to the new day.   So many plans and so much that we had talked about for the future.  As Linda says too, what happens now?  Where do we go from here?  I am very blessed to have a daughter who is expecting a baby, and for me, this will be a healing in being able to love the purest form of love, a new baby, a grandchild.

 

I do a lot of reading, a lot.  I feel very comforted by my reading and the thoughts and the beautiful feelings of what happens on death.  I know my dear husband is loving me, just from behind that curtain of heaven and earth, and it comforts me.  I hope you can find some peace and hope Patricia.  Please reach out to people who will listen to you and support you, especially here.   I find this site so valuable.

 

God Bless.

Carol

Dear Patricia, my husband's name was also John, although he liked to be called Jack.   I feel very similar to you, Jack was my world and I was his.  Everything revolved around each other.  He was just happy to go anywhere with me, to the store, the mall, for coffee, meet me at work, anything, just to be together.  He spoiled me terribly, making sacrifices of things he wanted for me.   Mostly though he just told me he loved me about 20x a day:)  As you say, each day you wake up and it is another day without the love, the affection and the looking forward to the new day.   So many plans and so much that we had talked about for the future.  As Linda says too, what happens now?  Where do we go from here?  I am very blessed to have a daughter who is expecting a baby, and for me, this will be a healing in being able to love the purest form of love, a new baby, a grandchild.

 

I do a lot of reading, a lot.  I feel very comforted by my reading and the thoughts and the beautiful feelings of what happens on death.  I know my dear husband is loving me, just from behind that curtain of heaven and earth, and it comforts me.  I hope you can find some peace and hope Patricia.  Please reach out to people who will listen to you and support you, especially here.   I find this site so valuable.

 

God Bless.

Carol