Everyone, I have been getting email from alot of people that have lost their loved ones due to suicide. My heart and sole ache for them! I know I have been miserable on the inside and on the outside I've been pretending I'm handling what happen ok. I have cried everyday for the past week or so. Last night my son came to me in a dream and let me hear a message he had left for a friend of his. He was very angry with her for not letting him see his son. And that is why he did what he had done. I could hear his voice but I could not see him. I have been asking why for a while now. I believe it was because he loved his son so much and couldn't live without him. My heary goes out to everyone who has lost someone. I pray someday we find peace somehow.

Hi and yes i know i wouldnt do it but i have come close i was driveing like an jerk when a cop tried to stop me i gave him the bird and took off i have a supercharged gran prix i guess i rreally wanted fate to cause a masive accident and take me but it wasnt to be I was sitting at the gas staition for 20 minutes waiting for the cop to catch up by that time i had come to my sences and had to deal with the tickets and 30 days loss of licence and a few trips to a councelel the funny thing was the cop said i have never seen anyone drive like you just did and live god must have a plan for you i wish i knew what it was i have 4 days till adams death date and it really is very hard for me to handle but thank you for your kind words

Hi i,m tim i lost my son to an accidental drug overdose some are calling it suicide and I really doent know what to think  but if you need a friend i,m here and I know how you feel cause i,m in the same boat and it hurts

All the Blessings for the New Year to you, Sharon, dear friend.

My love and a hug.   amaryllis

Hi Sharon,
Just wondering how you're doing today? You are such a special person and you had a great and loving son. God is taking good care of him.Until you met again. I will be praying for you. You have alot of support on this site. Take care,I'll check on you tomorrow, Vicki

Hi, Sharon, since yesterday I cannot come here to LegacyConnect site and today the same - I get a big warning from Norton anti-virus saying this site is dangerous to visit because viruses and now my answer was to let me connect anyway. Are you having any problem to visit the site?
Thank you. xxxxx amaryllis

Hey, Sharon, thank you for being my friend.
On this day I am giving thanks for all my past and present blessings and you are on this list, too.
God bless and a Blessed/Happy Thanksgiving for you and your family.
xxxxx amaryllis

Laugh as we used to laugh at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, Smile, think of me,pray for me
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effects, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it was ever meant.
It's thesame as it ever was, there no unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind becase I'm out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near.
Just around the corner.

Sorry I wrote to much the first one so I had to sen a second. God Bless, Vicki

Sharon,
I hope your alright. I've been thinking about you and your son and grandson. A boy needs his father in his life. But now,which was part of why he's not here. I can't believe she ask him to sign over his rights. No other man can be his real daddy.
When I married my husband of 12 years, he had two little boys one was four and one was two. In his divorce he got joint custody. We had the boys every other weekend. She tired everything she could to keep the boys from their dad. His boys are now 16 almost 17 and 18 and they finally know who they can trust and who lies. I hope you get him every other weekend. He is your grandson, and your son is going to miss a lot of things that goes on in his sons life.U are the only link that keeps him connected to his dad. I know this is hard to do. When it comes to your grandson, hold your head up high.You can get what your son didn't get and that was to be part of his sons life.Let his little boy know how much his dad loved him and how much you love him.Make momizes with your grandson. You loving son above will be so proud of you. Though you,he will be able to watch his boy grow up.I pray that you get your grandparents rights. You desever it and your son deserves to have the piece of mind, that you will tell him all the good things about his dad.I read a poem the other day. I don't like the tidle but the words sre good.

Death is nothing at all


Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I, and you are you
Whatever we were to each other ,that we are still.

Call me by my old familiar name
Speak to me in that easy way which you always used.

Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

.... the reply is gone before I could finish it. I was saying we need to get an affective help in order to keep going on our journey and to do good for us and for the beloved one we lost. My prayer -thoughts are going to you, Sharon, dear friend. xxxxxx amaryllis

Yes, Sharon, it is what I mean, because I heard the same commemt made by a person of my family- she told me that it seems to her she landed on the wrong planet, she does not feel a connection with her brothers and the whole household. Some months after loosing my son, i started seeking for answers and what a got from the question - was something amazing, amazing, amazing. I am evolving on this process I started by then - "How to let go & let the Divine do the heavy llifting" - the first level of the process and I am doing what it follows after that. It takes time to cope with such a thing - the pain is too deep, the reality of the happening is too cruel. We need an effective help in order to keep going doing good for us and for the one

I have this overwhelming feeling that someone had put a curse on me. I am a spiritual person and Love God. I can't shake this bad feeling. It's like a big ugly black cloud over me trying to keep me sick and confused. Is this a normal thing?  

Hi Sharon,
I'm so glad your talking to people on this site. I know your son committed suicide. Did he show any signs. Had it ever crossed your mind that he might do some thing like this. And to answer your guestion, I've been in a room and felt all alone. It's a scary feeling. Have you talked to your Dr. about maybe needing depression medicine. Any one that has gone though what you've gone though would be depressed. It sounds like your son would be so glad your going to court to see his son. I don't understand what child support has to do with visition. He should've been able to spend time with his son, whenever he wanted to. Did they have joint custody. You go girl, no one can take away your grandson. You need to be a big part of his life. That's the only way he will ever know the thruth. Tell him what a great Dad he had. Show him pictures of his dad. Your the only one that can really tell him the things he needs to know about his Dad. Because you know they won't be telling him good things about his dad.He should be told how much his Dad loved him. So I know it's killing you to be without your son but get visition. Your son will thank you for that. Remamber to try and take it one day at a time.Or if you have to one step at a time. Try to get more sleep or you'll wear your self down and then you'll be sick. You're a stong women you can do this for your son.Don't let any one tell you that you can't see your grandson. Just do it legally. I will pray for you. And another thing did you know that you have an guardiainan angel. It your son ,he will take care of you. He's watch you and he doesn't want you to be hurting like this. But right now you take as much time as you need. Good Bless, Vicki

Hi Sharon,
I'm so glad your talking to people on this site. I know your son committed suicide. Did he show any signs. Had it ever crossed your mind that he might do some thing like this. And to answer your guestion, I've been in a room and felt all alone. It's a scary feeling. Have you talked to your Dr. about maybe needing depression medicine. Any one that has gone though what you've gone though would be depressed. It sounds like your son would be so glad your going to court to see his son. I don't understand what child support has to do with visition. He should've been able to spend time with his son, whenever he wanted to. Did they have joint custody. You go girl, no one can take away your grandson. You need to be a big part of his life. That's the only way he will ever know the thruth. Tell him what a great Dad he had. Show him pictures of his dad. Your the only one that can really tell him the things he needs to know about his Dad. Because you know they won't be telling him good things about his dad.He should be told how much his Dad loved him. So I know it's killing you to be without your son but get visition. Your son will thank you for that. Remamber to try and take it one day at a time.Or if you have to one step at a time. Try to get more sleep or you'll wear your self down and then you'll be sick. You're a stong women you can do this for your son.Don't let any one tell you that you can't see your grandson. Just do it legally. I will pray for you. And another thing did you know that you have an guardiainan angel. It your son ,he will take care of you. He's watch you and he doesn't want you to be hurting like this. But right now you take as much time as you need. Good Bless, Vicki

Here again. Besides the tragic experience you went through and having had myself a similar one it makes me feel even closer to you. You talk about your loneliness in the midst of your family and your great pastor, too. The way you say, it sounds like inside of you, you do not belong to your environment. Did you start feeling this now, or it was always that way? Besides the process of grief there is this point hurting you, too and it must be seen when the proper time comes, don't you think? xxxx amaryllis

I was writing a thank you note, the computer is freezing though.
Thank you, dear Sharon, for the gift of your friendship - it is a treasure and must be kept with care and tenderness.
I will add something to this.
xxxx amaryllis

Today I received by text 5 pictures of my son from the funeral home. I know that the day we were there making arangements we were trying to find a picture of him. Yesterday I went to a lawyer to get help to get visitation with my grandson. Could this be a sign that my son is pleased with me that I am trying to get visits with his baby boy??

I have posted a picture of my son-I dont know what to do. I have a home church and I talk to people. But nothing helps me. I still feel lonely and helpless, lost, just very SAD! I have family and friends and a great pastor and husband. I cant help the way I feel nor can I turn it off. Has anyone ever been in a house full of people and still feel like the loneliest person on earth? I do.