Marianne Spratt McGrath's Comments

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At 8:21am on March 2, 2017, erick murrer said…

Hi Marianne,

Your picture is all too familiar.  On July 25, 2016 our son of 13 years old took his life.  I just happened to get an email today from Legacy Connect and decided to look and I came across your page.  I share the tough love situation and want to share the last days of his life:

Sunday we went boating and had a blast.  Wednesday his kids church group was planning on rafting in Gatlinburg TN.  They were only planning on one day but I suggested a stay at a hotel and to take 2 days.  On Monday I asked him to cut the grass before we left.  He refused.  I tried to set an example and cut the front yard.  It was a hot day and I came in for a drink.  He was sitting on the stairs.  I approached him and in disgust said "Ethan you crossed the line today"  As I said those words I saw a tear in his eye. I felt compassion on him as I left to get a drink.  I had every intention on talking with him to see what was the matter.  He didn't give me that chance.  He already had found one of my guns, put 2 bullets in the clip and put it in the gun.  He must have had it ready in his pocket.  Little did I know, when I said those words that he did cross the line.  I never was given the chance to talk with him.  I blame myself every day but I know that he loved God and that he decided to write his last chapter.  The pain never goes away.  It is a new normal.  

At 6:29am on March 10, 2015, Robbin R. McManus said…

I am sorry I have not been around. I is my pleasure to be your friend and thanks for the invitation

Robbin

At 10:35pm on October 11, 2014, Robbin R. McManus said…

Marianne, I just saw your post because I just joined this group. I am so sorry for your loss. My mom tried tough love on my brother and it didn't work. He recently passed away from other reasons.

Would you please accept my request for friendship?

Robbin

At 8:04am on April 24, 2012, Anna May said…

Dear Marianne,

(((HUGS)))

Anna May

At 3:48pm on March 28, 2012, Anna May said…

Thank you Marianne for accepting my friend request.  I am very happy that you have come once again to this website but very sorry to see you beating yourself up. 

Grief following a suicide is always complex. This is not something you just "get over." It is not the Flu…  Not that I agree that you should feel guilty, but as a mother you are suffering the greatest of all pain.  You are struggling with explosive emotions, well beyond the limits experienced in other types of deaths.

I haven’t been on this site for months but for some reason, today, I felt compelled to look at my page.  There you were just returning also – was it meant to be?  I pray to be able to help others that are suffering.  I will listen, not with my ears, but with my heart, if you want to talk.

May I ask, why you feel so strongly?  I really want to listen.  I don’t believe that I am special nor that I have the answers, but I care.   

Anna

At 9:03pm on March 26, 2012, Garry said…

So sorry Marianne, many times there are no words. With you, Hugs, Garry.

At 4:40am on March 26, 2012, Martin Connors said…
My Tim was hit by a car out side his high school as he was trying catch his bus.
At 9:41am on December 26, 2011, myra delgado said…

my heart break a million times having to see his picture of ur boy like this it looks like my nightmare...am so sorry but sometimes I do blame myself for NOT using tough love...am so hurt..

At 3:04pm on November 20, 2011, shannon churchill said…

Marianne,  I started with the "What ifs" all the way back to when my boys were small..   I always felt like I was doing what I had to do to help them, but then something went wrong.   I thought I was doing the right thing by them and had some Tough Love moments myself... to no avail I am afraid.   We love our children and try to teach them and make them see what is the best thing to do to be "Safe".   That is what we are supposed to teach our children...   The bible states several times that we are supposed to bring our children up and teach them right from wrong... parents have to use tough methods at times when things are not working....  It was not meant to work in our childrens case....What happened was in God's plan... who know why we are not ever going to understand.....all I know is my focus has changed and my heart will forever be focused on seeing my son again and making sure I can lead as many people to Christ as I can, just as the bible directs me to do...   I am going to believe our children are safe, happy and away from any more pain, sadness, or struggle.   We are all changed, we are all different, and forever will love and keep our children in our hearts and focus until we see them again....   I am sorry for your pain, I know it all too well.

 

At 6:37am on November 2, 2011, Anna May said…

Hello Marianne,

I read your post from Oct 7 2011 and was moved to tears that you blame you for your son's death. Since you said that you used tough love means, to me, that you were trying to help your son. No one can know the mind of another and as parents we are just doing the best we can. My son has turned aside from everything he was taught even our family values. I have been told that I did a good job and that as a grown man his decisions are his and does not reflect on me or my family.  Well, I understand the words but I still "feel" I am to blame. Suicide is much easier to recognize after it happens - like hind sight is 20/20 - but not easily seen before.  Please do not torment yourself it really isn't your fault even if you "feel" it is.  I will do some research for you and maybe find something to help. I will keep you in my prayers.

At 6:33pm on October 28, 2011, Theresa Sweaney said…
I just read your comment about tough love and how you feel it contributed to your son's death.  I connected with you through those words, because that is how I, too, feel, and I continue to beat myself up over the ways that I did not give support to my son.  It is a terrible burden to deal with and process through.  I have just recently sought therapy over this very issue, because I could feel myself stuck in the loop of guilt and self blame.  I'm sorry for what you are going through, and I hope to be able to get to know you so that we can add strength to each other as we dig our way through the garbage we have to contend with.  Yours, Theresa
At 8:24pm on October 15, 2011, Karen Campbell said…

Marianne,  I can feel your pain.  I still have a problem after 8 months saying to anyone that Marlene "comitted suicide".. For me she took her own life.  That doesn't seem so bad.  Life just "sucks' sometimes...I think I went through 64 years of just the normal things of life... my parent death, my sibling (2) and I just knew that that was the norm.. Then my grandson died and my daughter Marlene  was struggling so bad.. I couldn't take her hurt away.  And the final straw was 2 years after her son died, she took her own life.  Everyday I ask God why and I know I am not supposed to have an answer for that.  I know she is at peace with her son and they are in God's hands but it hurts so much....None of us will ever be the same and I have to think that maybe that is good in it's own way....We all suffer from the "mother syndrome" and none of our kids came with a training manual, so we did the best we could... I can look back and think of all the things I did wrong, but you know, Marlene was a beautiful person and she touched a lot of lives...she was a good teacher and when I read the comments fromt  the children that were in her classes, even though it tore my heart out, it showed be that she was a beautiful person.  She just couldn't handle life here and she chose to go to God, sooner than we wanted but she is with Him and she is rocking on her mansion with her son at her side and she is catching her biological father and her step father up on all that is happening here.  Your son is there too.  Be strong and we will all get through this horrible period in our life....Love to you.

At 8:24pm on October 15, 2011, Karen Campbell said…

Marianne,  I can feel your pain.  I still have a problem after 8 months saying to anyone that Marlene "comitted suicide".. For me she took her own life.  That doesn't seem so bad.  Life just "sucks' sometimes...I think I went through 64 years of just the normal things of life... my parent death, my sibling (2) and I just knew that that was the norm.. Then my grandson died and my daughter Marlene  was struggling so bad.. I couldn't take her hurt away.  And the final straw was 2 years after her son died, she took her own life.  Everyday I ask God why and I know I am not supposed to have an answer for that.  I know she is at peace with her son and they are in God's hands but it hurts so much....None of us will ever be the same and I have to think that maybe that is good in it's own way....We all suffer from the "mother syndrome" and none of our kids came with a training manual, so we did the best we could... I can look back and think of all the things I did wrong, but you know, Marlene was a beautiful person and she touched a lot of lives...she was a good teacher and when I read the comments fromt  the children that were in her classes, even though it tore my heart out, it showed be that she was a beautiful person.  She just couldn't handle life here and she chose to go to God, sooner than we wanted but she is with Him and she is rocking on her mansion with her son at her side and she is catching her biological father and her step father up on all that is happening here.  Your son is there too.  Be strong and we will all get through this horrible period in our life....Love to you.

At 2:54pm on October 10, 2011, Karen Campbell said…
To all of my new found comrades in arms!  Our sermon in church sunday was about forgiving those who sin against us as God forgives our sins.  I just cannot forgive my ex son in law and all of his family. They drove Marlene to her death by her own doing.  Yes I feel a great burden that I failed her, but she was 43 and a grown woman in her own right.  A beautiful successful woman, who had everything to live for except her only child who died at age 14 two and halfe years ago from a siezure and her husband divorced her afterward, but  he had been having affairs for the 25 years of their relationship and marriage.  He is a total "$%&*. And i cannot find it in my heart to forgive  him nor his family.  And he and they had the nerve to come to her funeral....Today I am very angry "again".  Sorry but thanks for listening.
At 10:56pm on October 9, 2011, Margo powell said…
Dear Marianne,

I can sense the terrible pain you are suffering from regarding your son's death. Please don't blame yourself. You will see from other's postings that mothers of suicides always feel the deepest guilt. It is apparent by your remorse that you loved your son deeply. Any decisions you made prior to your son's taking his life was done because of the love you had for him.

Young men and boys often take their lives due to an acute stress disorder.
Young ladies and women give it more thought and often won't choose a method that is so deadly such as a gun. No two cases are the same but what I have learned is that their thinking is blurred to the reality of the choice they are making and the consequences thereof.

Be kind to yourself, please. One day God will make everything right and we will understand all of the dynamics of every situation. When you hurt reach out to others in love and your healing process will be more bearable.

There are many good people on these sites that come here to help others get through the difficulties of losing a loved one. Losing a child is the hardest of any loss and is only compounded (probably a 1000 times) when it is by their own choice.

I will keep you in my prayers. May the Lord bless you with His peace and carry you when this journey seems too hard to bear.

Blessings, Margo
At 6:37pm on October 7, 2011, Marianne Spratt McGrath said…

JUST LOOK AT HIM....HE WAS SO PRETTY AND I KILLED HIM. I HATE MYSELF.

At 6:35pm on October 7, 2011, Marianne Spratt McGrath said…

I KILLED MY SON BY USING TOUGH LOVE...DONT EVER USE IT OR YOU WILL BE LIKE ME. I NEED TO BE SEVERELY PUNISHED FOR HIS DEATH.

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