Christy, sounds like you have been busy and that is good. Glad you had a mini vacation with your family. I have not been anywhere since I went 2 weeks to FL back in February. I feel I need to just go away somewhere. Today, the 15th, is 10 months for me. I can not believe it has been 10 months and 2 months away from a year. Time has went by so fast, but not in my heart. In my heart it still just seems like yesterday. I am working on trying to find me something to do to try to keep busy. But the problem is I just don't feel like I have any energy, but I am going to keep trying to find me something. Whenever you get to NC let me know. Good luck with school. HUGS Linda
Thanks for the words of wisdom and the advice. I really do appreciate the concern so very much. One of the things that get to me so much is that I hear people talking on this site about some of the same feeling I have but it has been a year, or even many years for them . I don't know how I will make it that long. It has been almost 5 months for me. In some ways, it feels like yesterday, in some forever. When he was given his terminal diagnosis, I couldn't even begin to think of surviving an hour without him. Now it has been five months. Five months of utter despair and loneliness; 5 months of my kids lives moving on without daddy. Nothing is right in this world without him. I can't sleep; I don't eat well; my whole world has been destroyed. Everyone says that I need to be strong for my kids. I love my kids more than anything but through all of this I realized how completely useless I am to them. I see all the pain they are in and I can't help. I can't make it better. Moms are supposed to kiss the boo-boo's and make them better. Right now, I can't even get through a couple of hours without breaking down. I truly feel that my kids would be better off without having me around right now because all they see with me is the hurt right now. Ted was the one who read the stories just right, gave the hugs just right. I was the practical one that got things done.. I can't even do that right now.
I am supposed to a wedding. This couple was our best "couple" friends. How am I supposed to watch another couple exchange vows? Every time I took my wedding rings off (for cleaning,etc) Ted would always get down on one knee to ask me to marry him again. He loved me more than anything. He made me feel like I was special. He was everything and now that is gone....
Thanks for reaching out to me--I really, really appreciate it more than you could possible know. Thanks for sharing your experiences. Hugs to you always.
Christy, just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you. Hope things are going better for you at work. Has your stepson been back to visit? I still would like to get together. We need to work on that. HUGS
Sorry about work being so challenging - hang in there don't let them get to you and don't let them think they are getting to you or they will persist. Just try to get through one day at a time and think about ultimately you are working for the Lord and representing Him. That may help. I know that missing feeling - it is so difficult some days...
Christy ... so glad you liked the link. Sometimes we have to jog other people's minds a little and get them to face reality. I do think most fear their own mortality and that is why we feel like no one cares. After my husband Ernie died many of his male friends started to go to the doctors when they never use too. LOL Grieving is terrible and like you I've never experienced this type of pain before. I am having a super rough time right now. Can't seem to eat much and went to the docs and he feels my digestion is too slow so gave me Pms-Domperidone 10 mg (sounds like wine ... wish it was!) I am terrified of taking pills because I live alone and have some bad effects to certain meds so will not try it until someone is here with me. I think the worst thing is the feeling I have of losing my independence at the moment (I was always the strong one) so asking for help has not been easy for me. This horrific pain we all feel as to subside at least to a ripple.
Hi Christy - I have been reading your posts and you sound very depressed (and understandably so). I just know you usually sound so much more positive so I wanted to write to encourage you. You know I was watching the Tigers baseball game last night and there is a player on that team that looks a lot like your husband - it brought you to mind and I said a prayer for you. I live in Michigan and my son that lives with me is an advid Tiger fan.
I have been dealing with skin cancer - I have seven lesions on my lower legs of squamous cell carcinoma. It can spread so I have to have each spot surgically removed. My legs are getting uglier with each surgery. It is scary too because I worry that more will surface - they need to take a pretty large section of skin with each surgery to make sure they get it all. It is pretty discouraging - I too am pretty frustrated with so much bad stuff coming my way. Life stinks sometimes - makes me wonder why - I know God cares and is here with us but I am tired of being the poster family for bad things to happen. I miss my husband so much - especially facing this. I worry that I may die from this and leave my kids and grandchildren with more heartache....
Okay enough complaining - how can I pray for you? Just know I care and hope you begin to see brighter days and find a new hope and purpose for life until God calls you home.
PS Be sure to take care of yourself and eat right. It does sound like you are getting some fiber anyways :-).
May the Peace of God fill your heart and give you much needed hope and joy to carry on. Praying for special blessings to come your way and healing to your heart.
Sincerely, http://odb.org/ (This is a devotional from our daily bread today). May you find joy in the morning - God bless!
Christy, on my discussion of trying to see if anyone wanted to get together for "big group hug" Kathy King said she just lived 4 hours from me and that you and her were trying to get together for lunch. I would like to be in on the lunch. I don't guess many people wanted to try and get together as there have not been many responses. Let me know about lunch, coffee, or whatever.
Thanks Christy for the note of cheer and hope. You are a real winner in life. Keep on keeping on one day at a time. The pain and sorrows we are dealt are there for some unknown reasons to me. I only believe I am still here to pass some message. What that is I may soon find out since the fat lady hasn't sung yet~ HUGS.
I am so sorry you are having a hard time lately. I am like you, I just can't focus when people try to talk to me sometimes. It is like it was 6 months ago instead of being 9 months down the road of misery. I am so glad you gave it to Larry's brother. He deserved everything you said to him I'm sure. Neal's sister in SC keeps in touch with me which I really appreciate. Neal's Mom lives with her and I don't talk to her unless it is by accident answering the phone when I think it is his sister. I returned his sisters call the other week and his Mom answered the phone and did not even know who I was. She tries to blame it on being old, but when it concerns her, she remembers everything. But I don't let her upset me, because I know she missed her chance of being a good Mother to the only son out of 3 that made anything with his life. So don't let Larrys family upset you too much, they are the ones missing out. HUGS
Christy, have not heard from you recently, hope you are not having too many bad days as I know your 1 year is coming up. Days are the same here, few good and many bad. Just can wrap myself around the fact I am by self and Neal is not here. Hugs to you.
Christy, my husband also died from neglect to a degree. in 1991 he had a terrible wreck, running into the rear end of a log truck, which he should have died then. He didn't, Thank God for the years he gave me with him. That wreck caused him many problems for years and left him disabled with a very rare heart condition to deal with. He was left with tremendous pain and pain that he never really knew where it came from. I was diagnosed with MS 3yrs ago and he was very much becoming my caretaker. He didn't want me to lack for anything at all and he wanted me to always be taken care of. I had been out of work for 19months on a LOA for the MS. My husband was so into taking care of me that we neglected to take care of him. He needed a knee replacement and had to be released from his heart dr. to have the surgery. well he was found to have 5blockages. one that had made a new track to the heart needed repairing because it was the only arterie working. He went in to have the surgery and it went fine. it was after the surgery that the wounds from the past came back to haunt him. the ribs front and back began to get in the way. the clavical was crooked from the past wreck and couldnt be put back where it needed to be. he had to be left open after having to be open 2x after the initial surgery. He was not strong enough to recover from these surgeries and passed away after several heart attacks on the table and 12 days after the first surgery. I never got to talk to him about dying because it happened so fast. I never got to talk to him about how much he meant to me as a friend and husband, father and grandfather. I never got to sit and look into his beautiful eyes and say goodbye.. those are the things that haunt me.. I never knew he was as sick as he was and I have a feeling he knew but didn't want me to worry about it.. I have so many "if onlys" or "if i'd" or so many other questions that I know will never be answered.. I am so sorry for your loss.
Christy, I am sorry you have been having a hard time. This Friday will be my 9 months without Neal. You said next month will be 1 year for you, does it seem like a year to you? I can not believe it have already been 9 months for me. It is all still so fresh in my mind that it seems like yesterday. To me it is not crazy to feel there should be something to do to have them back. You would not believe at all the things I have pretended about Neal not really being gone just so I could breathe. But my pretending only last a few seconds and then reality hits me in the face.
I am so glad we have this site and each other as you and the others are the only people who really understand how we feel. HUGS back to you.
I'm able to handle things a little better each day.
My tears are not all day any more they now come when I'm not ready for them. Yesterday I was driving and it just came over me and I had to pull over. Then I was Ok again.
I started taking classes at Harley Davidson so I can ride his bike. And I'm now learning how strong I can be .. Funny I did nothing for 27 years he made it so easy for me. I kind of like this new person I'm finding inside of me. But I would give anything to have that man walk through the door right now. I heard sounds coming out of me that scared me deeply. I was so lost and had given up on life.. Now I'm happy to get up and start a new day. But. I'm still doing every thing for him. He never leaves my thoughts. I'm sorry you had to feel the pain I felt. I'm just so happy my husband will never know this kind of pain
Christy, Lord yes I know Batts Grill. That was Neal's favorite place to eat when we were down there. We loved the breakfast mainly. Neal loved their hashbrowns. And she is right, the prices are decent for what you get. From the outside of the place you would not know it was such a good place to eat. I am sorry to hear that your friends Aunt passed, but glad to know Batts did not close down. Ask your friend if she knows where Laniers Campground is. That is where we have our camper set up. (it is a park model so it is not one that travels). It's a small world isn't it. HUGS
Sorry I did not get back to you. Several things have come up concerning Neals estate that I did not know about and had to get done. I hope you had a good time in Wilmington. I would have loved to share a cup of coffee with you. Maybe we could meet half way from your house and mine sometime. Hugs, Linda
I haven't been here in awhile. Life has been very busy. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and the kind words of support you have shared. I hope you are doing okay. I know you too are grieving and have your hard days. I just want you to know we all care and are behind you too.
Christy, I made it through Neals birthday and did not cry until everyone left. Neal and I have a Park-model camper at Surf City which is only about 20 minutes from Wilmington. Is not the world small. I hope you have a relaxing time and enjoy yourself at the beach.
We did not take pictures of the bear give away. But I have tried to post a picture of all the bears and can not get it to work. Don't know what I am doing wrong. Maybe later I can figure it out.
Have a wonderful time. HUGS