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At 4:18pm on July 15, 2011, pamela silver said…
hi arlene..its been so long since i went on here...how are you? im ok getting better but theres still a real deep wound+i miss wayne still to this day every single day i still cry a few times throughout the week and i still go to the grave a few times a week not like before but im still not happy( per say)...i guess i just realized im just not the same me as i was before wayne was gone+im friendless i cut off my few good friends and now cant and or dont want to have any friends which i think is wearing on me i think im becoming miserable..like kinda a miserable not so happy person...ya know...so whats going on with you? hope to hear from you but if not its ok...bye
At 6:27pm on December 30, 2010, Susan Mayer said…

Hi Arlene - Haven't heard from you in a while, and I hope you're okay and getting through the holidays.  It's been a tough time, and winter doesn't make it easier.  Did you get socked by that Christmas storm?  I'm not sure where in Massachusetts Lawrence is exactly.  I flew to DC to see my granddaughter; the DC area got only lightly brushed by the storm, so I wasn't affected.

 

Let me know how you're doing - too much silence makes me worried.  Hugs - Susan

At 10:14pm on December 1, 2010, Susan Mayer said…
Hi Arlene - Just checking in to see how you're doing as you come up to 6-months since your husband died. It'll be 3 months for me on Sunday, and the holidays being here certainly have made it harder to stay afloat emotionally. I'm reading a book on sudden death, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye" and finding it helpful; do you know it? Some of the advice is general to grief and loss, but some is specific to sudden death. I hope you're hanging in there. Take care of yourself.

Hugs,
Susan
At 10:05pm on November 21, 2010, Susan Mayer said…
Hi Arlene,

Thanks so much for your note. It comes at a good time; I'm having a very bad day, and you lifted me a bit. Not sure what set off this latest wave of hard grief, maybe winterizing the house and yard and, today, pulling out the vegetable garden for the season. Steve loved the garden and was so proud of showing it off. It tears me apart to think we'll never plant another spring garden together.

Tonight, I just feel afraid - and I'm not sure of what exactly. Maybe the even deeper despair and sorrow I sense I have yet to deal with? There seems to be so much to worry about, and I know you're worried, too. I hope the Congress and president act to extend unemployment. So many people are still without work; it's just not right not to help people when they're jobless through no fault of their own. And the money worries on top of the grief...it's just too much. I feel fortunate to have work, but it's a contract, so it's time-limited. I hope you find a job soon. I have a friend who looked for a couple of years, had really about given up, and she recently found one - and she really likes it. She credits my husband with telling her not to give up. I guess he was right. What kind of work do you do?

I'll be going to a neighbor's for Thanksgiving; my husband and I had been part of their celebration for years. The day after, some cousins (by marriage) are having a get-together. I guess it will be okay, but I don't expect to feel particularly celebratory. I'll be glad when the holidays are over, frankly, and maybe you will, too.

Thanks again for you note and for your prayers. I'm not a very religious person - sometimes I wish I were; I think it would help - but I do appreciate prayers and good thoughts from friends. It helps to feel not alone. I'll be thinking about you over the holiday and hoping we both make it through as well as we can.

Take good care of yourself.

Susan
At 8:09pm on November 11, 2010, Susan Mayer said…
Hi Arlene,

How are you doing today? I'm having a tough day, anticipating what would have been Steve's 70th birthday coming up on Saturday. I so wanted to throw him a party. Steve did look young for his age - I used to kid him, told him it came from having a younger wife (I'm 9 years his junior).

I am a consultant who mostly works from home, and yes, being home alone all day sucks big time. When the client I work for (a government agency) asked how they could help, I asked them to find me office space I could go to, at least a day or two a week so I didn't climb the walls. They did find me a cubicle in the regional office; that helps some.

Thanks for your notes, thoughts, and prayers. I believe we'll get through this, and I'm glad we're friends. Take care of yourself.
At 11:51pm on November 9, 2010, keith leon mooney said…
Thank you for your prayers and Im happy you are finding it good to talk and listen to others in your bereavenent group who are in same situation,they are the only ones who really do understand.God Bless and take care. Keith
At 11:51pm on November 9, 2010, keith leon mooney said…
Thank you for your prayers and Im happy you are finding it good to talk and listen to others in your bereavenent group who are in same situation,they are the only ones who really do understand.God Bless and take care. Keith
At 7:54pm on November 5, 2010, Susan Mayer said…
Arlene, I lost my husband suddenly, too. In Steve's case, it was an accident: he was struck by a car while riding his bicycle. That was Sept. 5, 2010, just two months ago today. What would have been his 70th birthday is a week from tomorrow - that day will be difficult, but my stepdaughter is coming for the weekend. Otherwise, I'm riding the emotional roller-coaster I imagine you know only too well. I am sorry for your loss and just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in losing your husband suddenly. Hugs, Susan
At 3:00pm on November 4, 2010, keith leon mooney said…
Hi Arlene,I relate Im so sorry for your loss and I and many others like you are trying to cope with the process of what might be the greatest challenge we will ever have to experience. I have no words of wisdom or answers that might help you or me on the journey we must fulfill just remember God loves you and some way he promises to help us through this,I will say prayers for you and everyone on this sight for I see no other hope in such help arriving anytime soon through mortal beings.God Bless You and may all our prayers be answered for we are left with this great job of finding our own peace with what we have left. I am struggling each day to try and find my way to where the world might let me on again without my Dear Wife Donna. It seem very difficult to imagine any type of happiness like I once had,I do know it is good to grieve for the Lord then knows what kind of relationship you really had and can help us to return to some sort of happiness.Pray for me and I wiil for you.Keith
At 1:41pm on October 7, 2010, Sharon said…
It's all so very hard isn't it...
At 1:41pm on October 7, 2010, Sharon said…
It's all so very hard isn't it...
At 9:52pm on September 26, 2010, Nina said…
Hi Arlene, you can VENT to me ANY TIME. Like you, nights are really bad for me too & I hate being alone too. It's no fun. I have our 2 dogs, but they can't talk back when I talk to them. I'll always be here for you my friend, always. My Prayers & thoughts are with you all the time. Please take care. God Bless.
At 10:26pm on September 16, 2010, pamela silver said…
wayne lived in a4bdrm+it was packed,he had so much stuff some junk+some real nice things oh b4 i for get you found a group to go to i been looking everywhere theres nothing around here where is it? i wana go to some type of grieving group+talk2people id b so happy(ok not really but it could b helpful)im just so sad its terrible,ok i gota sleep im so tired kids r fimally out thank god so goodnight hope to hear from you soon....bye,hope your sleeping better,and your book is helping you...bye
At 10:26pm on September 16, 2010, pamela silver said…
wayne lived in a4bdrm+it was packed,he had so much stuff some junk+some real nice things oh b4 i for get you found a group to go to i been looking everywhere theres nothing around here where is it? i wana go to some type of grieving group+talk2people id b so happy(ok not really but it could b helpful)im just so sad its terrible,ok i gota sleep im so tired kids r fimally out thank god so goodnight hope to hear from you soon....bye,hope your sleeping better,and your book is helping you...bye
At 10:20pm on September 16, 2010, pamela silver said…
hi,thanks for the info on the book im goin to order it for sure when i can were having a bit of a financial issue around her goodness its one thing after another i NEED a plumber,my car has been to the shop every other week,i could die its too much$ 167 then 589,never mind all the$before its crazy i gota give up the car+its hurtin so bad it'll be like sayin goodbye to wayne all ova again +i cant but i cant keep it,and i cant afford a payment:( i been real sad its almost fall then winter and itl b a year since waynes been gone hes really just gone i broke the most beautiful frame with a pic of him by accident today and i cried all day about it the kids have been so hard lately i think its cuz im always sad and im tryin to fix my house to be a little roomier for them so far im gettin no where,im sad i got no friends its sad wayne was my best,only friend,my WORLD+its ended i still cant move on its so hard,i drive by the house its all painted it looks so nice still no for sale sign thank god cuz i will have a breakdown,im hopin its not goin up for sale,there is a big dumpster in the yard the fathers gettin rid of so much stuff+ i wanna see it all b4 it goes what stuff of waynes is he trashin i want it ALL! i wana talk to him so bad but i have to wait for him to call me its so hard,i went to the grave today+just cleaned it up a bit+cried i want him back i want him back soo much,so bad! oh and as far as your daughter DONT! well i dont think you should part with anythin yet not this soon unless its hurtin you worse but you'll kno when to slowly let thing go where you want them to thats your call not hers (sorry if that was disrespecful twords her) but i so wish the father would call me+lay all the things of waynes out he dont want+let me go thru it i so thot he was goin to i really did,im still hopeful,plus theres a ton of things of mine like all kinds of parts for my car fenders tires rims etc--etc.it saddends me so much that hes lettin so much go but i understand,
At 10:20pm on September 16, 2010, pamela silver said…
hi,thanks for the info on the book im goin to order it for sure when i can were having a bit of a financial issue around her goodness its one thing after another i NEED a plumber,my car has been to the shop every other week,i could die its too much$ 167 then 589,never mind all the$before its crazy i gota give up the car+its hurtin so bad it'll be like sayin goodbye to wayne all ova again +i cant but i cant keep it,and i cant afford a payment:( i been real sad its almost fall then winter and itl b a year since waynes been gone hes really just gone i broke the most beautiful frame with a pic of him by accident today and i cried all day about it the kids have been so hard lately i think its cuz im always sad and im tryin to fix my house to be a little roomier for them so far im gettin no where,im sad i got no friends its sad wayne was my best,only friend,my WORLD+its ended i still cant move on its so hard,i drive by the house its all painted it looks so nice still no for sale sign thank god cuz i will have a breakdown,im hopin its not goin up for sale,there is a big dumpster in the yard the fathers gettin rid of so much stuff+ i wanna see it all b4 it goes what stuff of waynes is he trashin i want it ALL! i wana talk to him so bad but i have to wait for him to call me its so hard,i went to the grave today+just cleaned it up a bit+cried i want him back i want him back soo much,so bad! oh and as far as your daughter DONT! well i dont think you should part with anythin yet not this soon unless its hurtin you worse but you'll kno when to slowly let thing go where you want them to thats your call not hers (sorry if that was disrespecful twords her) but i so wish the father would call me+lay all the things of waynes out he dont want+let me go thru it i so thot he was goin to i really did,im still hopeful,plus theres a ton of things of mine like all kinds of parts for my car fenders tires rims etc--etc.it saddends me so much that hes lettin so much go but i understand,
At 9:53am on September 10, 2010, pamela silver said…
oh arlene i wanted to know...where you got the book,i love books and im actually reading 3well trying to get thru at least 1of them,but that book sounds great! so let me know...thanks pamela!
At 9:50am on September 10, 2010, pamela silver said…
gets2the red light+jess jumps out(julies her friend that drove her)+yup afta punching trin,rich+2otha people repeatedly(my daughter has a bad temper she NEEDS anger management like 10yrs ago...) here comes the police+shes arrested 4assault+battery,now this is her1st arrest as an adult,but she has7from when she was in school+a minor, its awful,im so worried about her she is a mess she just passed her cna,now shes not moving forward,hes texin her w/mean stuff then nice+callin+im so afraid she'll fall back he is32years old+but in reality he is6and a half you know how that goes w/guys,needless to say i havent heard from her or seen her+im a wreck again...kids!!obveously as of now the case was continued+she goes back on nov3rd,so whats going on w/you? ru feeling a little better probubly not but in time i promice you will. you will always be sad you will never 4get,you will remember all the good memories+4get the bad+yes it weighs heavy but there will be1day u go thru w/out 15breakdowns.i wouldnt of believed it if you told me this but i know cause i did it lately im so sad my heart aches 4wayne all the time but i made a few times w/ok days i think its life like they say it does go on, as sad as it is it does+w/the issues w/jess+the kids+just appointments, u c at the end of one day you made it,but like i said i still dont believe you really get better your hearts broke forever but you learn to at least live you have to.+just writing that im crying cause i just wanna go back in time+bring wayne to a dr+maybe he'd b here!...:(...did you get my everyday grief emails? i love them i read them right b4 i go to sleep,i hope you got them+they bring you a little peace...talk to you soon...bye...pamela! oh ya did you order anything yet? i got a few more things you might like the car decal its really nice!
At 9:50am on September 10, 2010, pamela silver said…
gets2the red light+jess jumps out(julies her friend that drove her)+yup afta punching trin,rich+2otha people repeatedly(my daughter has a bad temper she NEEDS anger management like 10yrs ago...) here comes the police+shes arrested 4assault+battery,now this is her1st arrest as an adult,but she has7from when she was in school+a minor, its awful,im so worried about her she is a mess she just passed her cna,now shes not moving forward,hes texin her w/mean stuff then nice+callin+im so afraid she'll fall back he is32years old+but in reality he is6and a half you know how that goes w/guys,needless to say i havent heard from her or seen her+im a wreck again...kids!!obveously as of now the case was continued+she goes back on nov3rd,so whats going on w/you? ru feeling a little better probubly not but in time i promice you will. you will always be sad you will never 4get,you will remember all the good memories+4get the bad+yes it weighs heavy but there will be1day u go thru w/out 15breakdowns.i wouldnt of believed it if you told me this but i know cause i did it lately im so sad my heart aches 4wayne all the time but i made a few times w/ok days i think its life like they say it does go on, as sad as it is it does+w/the issues w/jess+the kids+just appointments, u c at the end of one day you made it,but like i said i still dont believe you really get better your hearts broke forever but you learn to at least live you have to.+just writing that im crying cause i just wanna go back in time+bring wayne to a dr+maybe he'd b here!...:(...did you get my everyday grief emails? i love them i read them right b4 i go to sleep,i hope you got them+they bring you a little peace...talk to you soon...bye...pamela! oh ya did you order anything yet? i got a few more things you might like the car decal its really nice!
At 9:31am on September 10, 2010, pamela silver said…
hi arlene,im doing ok,ive been busy cuz da'mon started school+he had a few apps,i went to the grave yesterday to clean it up sweep clean the stone.etc+4 the 1st time i barely cried i mean i did but just briefly im still so sad,it never ends but i was suprized i didnt fall apart like EVERYTIME i drove by his dads+saw the house is all painted a nice grey w/black trim thats matching w/the garage i died that night is he selling? ill be so sad im really wonderin as of yesterday no4sale sign so well see,ive been rearrangin my house all around+really just recking everythin thinkin im makin more room im just really a disaster,we live in a two bdrm condo very small so w/the2kids its really squishy+every1 keeps tellin me to give up my workout room but im a personal trainer,ok il admit ive gained10pounds ok maybe 14lbs+i neva train any1,since wayne passed+no i havent worked out either since waynes gone...+im sorry it may be selfish cuz these kids do need a room to at least play in but NO im not gettin rid of all the equipment just yet! ok so my daughter had a nightmare her new well11months old boyfriend relationship abanded her after havin nothin wrong they were packin went out 2eat went2the store2get paper towels etc4their new place+the next day while jess was packin+he was gettin the uhaul,he tells her im going alone+leaves her+it was all on me i had 2get a uhaul,move her stuff2kevins parents+she got stuff all thru my already2small place its a nightmare, he is a nightmare,so it gets worse he tells her hes sorry hes only doing this2think things thru cuz he went 2a new relationship2quick w/jess which yes they did w/movin in and all, he tells her wait i love u blah blah.. well i tell her 2just go by on fri2just c whats up, she says no mom i got no trust issues he'll b w/his son ordering out..ok well she does go by fri+BAM there he is w/the x trin+other friends ofhers havin a party w/his50inch new tv+2new leather couches(trin has$)+i knew this woud happen,so julie drives away+

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