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At 10:22am on November 18, 2010, Pearl DeLaPena said…
Thank you Dotti for your encouragement and also am very sorry for your loss. I bet your husband was wonderful just like mine we were very fortunate to have found each other. The funny part is where we met and it was the place I lay him to rest. We met at a funeral and we were both very much over weight so our families would call us here comes the gorditos which means the fatties lol but one day we decided to have a gastric bypass he first and then me . He lost 180 and I lost 130. Life changed for us after that we went everywhere without having to sit everything out Disney land we walled for hours it was so much fun. We traveled to so many places I have so many memories I tell you life began for me 15 years ago. and stopped the day he went to Heaven. Today I am going to Midland Tx. with my brotherinlaw we are grieving together because my sister died 2 weeks before my husband. So if I cry he knows why with out asking whats wrong he already knows just like everyone here knows. I whill be back on monday so stay strong and and try to make some happy memories with your family Many hugs to you
At 5:16pm on November 5, 2010, Debbie MCcracken said…
At 5:16pm on November 5, 2010, Debbie MCcracken said…
At 11:47am on May 14, 2010, Debbie MCcracken said…
hi how are you i am doing ok we had my 14yr old gradution shes in the 9 now it was hard without my husband there i feel like he should be there when do get past the wanting him to walk through the door its so hard i miss him so much
At 8:42pm on April 27, 2010, Debbie MCcracken said…
they are grown all but one we adopted shes 14 but really great i have told them time and time again about this but its just senseless
At 11:52am on April 27, 2010, Ellen Gerst said…
Hi Dotti,
Soaring Spirits is a relatively new organization, and this is the second year of Camp Widow. Check out their website at to read about all the services they provide. I especially like their Widow Match program, which is an on-line based support group that matches widows of similar circumstances for supportive e-mail correspondence.

Registration for Camp Widow is on-going. Regular registration cost is $375 (through 7/15). If you can get a group of 4 widows to register together -- group registration is $325. You could join their Facebook page, for there is info about the conference there, too. Let me know if you need anything else.
Thanks for joining the group!
At 10:34am on April 27, 2010, Debbie MCcracken said…
your story is alot like mine Daniel took care of everything he was so strong and now he is gone i am lost i do not no what to do its all so very hard no i do not work and thats hard not staying busy and most of my kids are full of so much drama they do not help my oldest trys to control my life i am not suppose to live my life withoyt there ok i can not talk to anyone unless they approve its crazy and makes things worse but they do not see it that way
At 8:33pm on April 26, 2010, Debbie MCcracken said…
At 6:23pm on April 26, 2010, Dotti said…
give me your email address Ill email you back if thats ok with you
At 5:37pm on April 26, 2010, Debbie MCcracken said…
i tryed to add you as a friend but it won,t let me i will contact you
At 6:19pm on April 20, 2010, Dee said…
Hi Dotti,
I am doing pretty good as well as the kids. I thought I was going to make it through the day without crying, but someone called to see how we were doing and I got talking about how much the kids are missing their dad and it just breaks my heart to hear them cry for him.

I am home most days by myself. I enjoy it though, because with a house full of kids it gets pretty hectic around here.

Well, I have to run and get one of my kids from a track meet and one from karate. Dee
At 6:35pm on April 19, 2010, Dee said…
HI Dotti,
I live in Michigan. I am finding that keeping myself busy inside the house and out in the yard is helping me a lot. I spent most of my day today outside with my kids, weeding, cleaning out my pond...stuff like that. I am going to try to dive right into my yard this year and see if it helps me get through the summer. Summer was a big thing for Bud. He loved riding his Harley and driving his hot rod. He lived for summers. So this summer will be very, very hard on me and the kids.

I went to the doctor today to have my blood pressure checked. I was recently put on a stronger BP med because my BP was so high. I am glad to say that it has dropped a lot. Today it was 136/78. Still off, but much, much better than it has been. Dee
At 5:22pm on April 15, 2010, Dee said…
Hi Dotti,
Our house is paid for too, thank goodness for that. But, with 6 kids still living at home, they need stuff that daddy took care of. My brother called and wanted to know something about putting in wood floors...another thing Bud did...I just feel lost without his help.

When my dad and brother died (about 10 years ago) I started finding dimes in really odd places. No other change, just dimes. Bud knew how much it meant to me finding them. Since Bud passed, I have found 5 dimes. I look at it as his way of saying "I'm here baby" It feels good.

I do live in the country, plus we own a cabin. So all of that stuff left on my shoulders.

Thank you so much for writting back, it makes me feel so much better knowing I am not alone in this mess we have to call life. Dee
At 6:14am on April 15, 2010, Dee said…
Hi Dotti,
It amazes me that when someone we love dies, our lives turn upside down. I don't like the helpless feeling I get when my kids want to do things that their dad always did with them. I don't know how to start go carts or mini bikes, that was dads thing, but I don't want my kids to suffer like I am, so I get out there and try to start the stuff. My life is so different now. Dee
At 7:56pm on April 13, 2010, Dee said…
Hi Dotti,
I lost my husband Bud, 5 weeks ago and it is so hard. I had to go and pick out his headstone today. I cry at the drop of a hat, and it is so hard since I still have 6 kids at home. I don't want them seeing me cry all the time, but it is so hard not crying.

Bud died from a brain aneursym. He had a headache and got up to turn off our tv and fell and died right in our bedroom.

I don't work outside of my home and I am very thankful for that. It is hard shopping or being out in public because Bud was well known and people are coming up to me all the time to talk about him, which starts fresh tears. I stay out of most places that they knew Bud, I have to grocery shop, so I try to get in and out as fast as possible.
At 7:51pm on April 12, 2010, Dee said…
Hi Dotti,
We have 12 kids and one grandson. Our kids are ages 8-27. Our grandson is 1. It is so hard to try to fill my husbands shoes, he took care of so much around our home (he built our house) and also kept up on our cars. I don't have a clue what to do when something needs repairs. Bud always just handled it. It is all new to me, as I am sure it is for you. It is so very hard. Dee
At 8:11am on March 30, 2010, Mary said…
I too would give anything to hear my husbands voice or feel the touch of his hand. We were married for 24 years, he was such a sweet and kind man. My first husband also died, we had been married 16 years and I had 3 small children to raise. This time feels so much worse, because the children are grown and no I am not working, we had retired at the end of '08. We were so looking forward to having more time for "us" things. Life sure isn't fair. The days are so long now, yet I can't believe he has been gone for 7 weeks now. I live in Lansing, MI.
At 8:57pm on March 25, 2010, Paul Bennett said…

If your brother doesn't know that you feel like you're falling apart, maybe you could benefit by sharing with him what's going on inside you. Or maybe his perception of how well you are doing has some validity, too. Maybe "falling apart inside" while still doing what needs to be done outside is what "taking it well" looks like. I know it feels terrible now, and I wish I could tell you when it will stop hurting; but there's no off-the-rack answer for that. Your love for your husband is your own and not like anybody else's love. I can almost guarantee you, though, that your grief will feel different as time goes on. I, like many people, found that writing in a journal helped me notice how my feelings were changing from day to day and week to week. Knowing that they were changing made it easier to accept the way I felt each day.

We did have hospice care for Bonnie before she died, and the hospice organization had grief counselors available who were helpful to me and wonderfully beneficial to my daughter. For a while, the next year, I co-led a group of people who wanted to write about their grief.

Ultimately, what I wrote in my journal and said to people about my grief became a book, Loving Grief, which is available from most booksellers now. You might want to take a look at it and see if it is helpful for you.

In my many conversations with people who are grieving, I've noticed that grief is often mixed up with other emotions, especially fear. (Also sometimes regret, anger, loneliness and others.) It can be helpful to notice what those different emotions are. There are effective ways to deal with fear, for example, that are different from the ways you deal with anger or regret or loneliness. Do you think that writing down a list of the emotions you're feeling each morning or evening might help to make all this less confusing and overwhelming?

I would encourage you to start a new discussion on this website for this conversation so that others can participate in it. There's a whole lot of compassion out there, and sharing your experience can help others as well as yourself.

I believe that in time you will experience a tremendous gratitude for having had your husband in your life. You might try moving into that gratitude by writing down in a journal or another special place the things that you love and appreciate about him. There will probably be tears with this, but tears can be good things, now.

Wishing you all the best,

Paul Bennett

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