Tracey L Howlett's Comments

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At 4:17am on March 2, 2011, Melissa Asher said…: Good morning,

I hope that helped a little, it did me just know that Samantha will be able to watch your son, Made my day that was one of the things I promised her I would take was a rodeo and never did. I will go soon, I have done everything she wanted to do from parasailing to deep sea fishing, I am trying to finish up some of the things she did not do for her.

I am so glad you are making friend on this site there are a lot of wonderful people and we all know your pain, every body situtation is a little different the out come is the same.

Just keep faith, you don't have to be strong all the time you are aloud to get mad.

Your new friend Melissa

At 8:49pm on March 1, 2011, Melissa Asher said…: Tracy,

Your son sound like he was a wonderful person he is still a wonderful soul,, and yes he enjoying his rodeo, Samantha always wanted to go to one,, so I sure she has got a ring seat. she was a country girl among other things, she died at the age of 18, she slip in the bath tub and bump her head and drowned i brought her back and she saved two lives with her kidneys. it will be four years oct, and it seems like yesterday, I have not been able to go thru her clothes and a friend of mine that Samantha knew well is dieing of cancer, she was a sz 12 and now she is down to a 1 Samantha was 3 to a 0 she work out she wanted to be a cop, and she was a model, she was only 5' 4" but today I was able to go thru all her clothes I gave them to pat her modeling dresses,,Pat's doc said she could go on a cruz and she is going to sit at the cabin's table, she has 6 months to a year to live, it felt so right giving her those clothes I did not cry when I touch them I felt joy like Samantha said this is what I was waiting for. :) Sorry for rambling just thought I would share

At 7:44pm on March 1, 2011, Vicki Vazquez said…: Yes, I read many books about losing a child, and they said 75 % of marraiges end in divorce after losing a child. Your son is beautiful. God Bless you all. Vicki V.

At 12:49pm on February 28, 2011, Susan - Donny's Mom said…: The "warning" post I did was sent out to "everyone" in our Loss of a Child. These posts only show on email messages. They don't go on everyones page. Just so you don't wonder all day. Sometimes it is confusing on the website to "comment back" so I just usually click on the person's picture and go to their page to make a comment. When someone sends a "message to the whole group", no one can comment back on that. You have to look up the person who sent the message and then click on their page. There is a listing of everyone in our group on the main page (right side) you have to "view all" then put their name in the search square and their page will come up. Hope this helps....once you get the hang of it it works good.

Hugs to you and your family!

Susan

At 12:33pm on February 28, 2011, shannon churchill said…: I need to see a picture to believe anything anymore. I hope it is someone who really cares,but you never know.

At 12:33pm on February 28, 2011, shannon churchill said…: I need to see a picture to believe anything anymore. I hope it is someone who really cares,but you never know.

At 11:30am on February 28, 2011, Susan - Donny's Mom said…: Tracey....the other day I posted a "to all members" message to beware of this person - Monica. I noticed her message on someone else's page. Every once in awhile people come into our wonderful website and prey on unsuspecting people for personal email information. Pretty sad that people would stoop so low but it happens. Always go with your gut feeling on a message and never give your personal info to anyone unless you have gotten to know them and trust their friendship.

I have been on this site for 14+ months and this is the 4th person trying to do this. We all kinda watch out for each other and give warnings.

Your young son Bryan looks so happy in his picture enjoying his cowboy life. We can all hope he is in heaven riding the angel bulls. So sorry for your loss and hope you find peace and friends on this great website.

Susan Donny's Mom

At 5:15pm on February 27, 2011, Jackie Jones said…: thank you for your words. it seems like everyday right now is a struggle. it is such a rollercoaster of emotions. i have a friend in town that i talk to that can relate to the loss of a child. her daughter and my son were friends and her daughter died two years ago and she reached out ot me to help me through this. thank god if not im not sure if i could believe that it may not get easier but it does become bearable is what i hear. which in it self is so awful.

At 3:01pm on February 27, 2011, Carrie L said…: Hi Tracey what is that name of that song by rascal flats. I don't know if i can u tube it because I have dial up.. thanks Carrie

At 8:35am on February 3, 2011, Carrie L said…: hi Tracey thanks for your kind words. I need to forgive myself. One day. I am still going through tremendous pain. Part of it is guilt. Regret. Loss... Morgan didn't live with me. I moved from him 4 years prior ...He died. He was so full of life such a good little boy... so spirited. wanted to be with family have get togethers. i was stupid and thought i had forever.He was really on a path that was diferent. I thought he would be ok. I thought he was acting a little weird. but he would be ok. I ignored him the last time i saw him. I had divorce on my mind and he was talking a mile a minute I just wanted a peaceful good time. I ignored him. He needed me and i didn't act. It would have been better if he had died from something different. it waas tragic horrible and i think he suffered all alone. I was not hafving a good life. just made some terrible mistakes like moving from him Death of my child is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. It is so sad and so consuming. I know there will be a time when i have to stop this. but i have had a lot of time on my hands and perhaps that is a good thing for i feel this is something my mind has to work out. I have horses. but with morgans death wish i had not ... had spent the money and time with him. they are what helped me move i thought they were going to make me happy. and yes they give you some happiness but not if you don't have someone to share it with. My son was very unique he will remain with my soul forever. love to you carrie L

At 3:42pm on February 1, 2011, Linda said…: I know Tracey...this damn roller coaster of emotions just does not seem to stop. It will slow down for a while then starts right back up. Whoever said that it gets easier, they have not had a child die...sorry, that is how I feel because it sure is not getting easier. Some things are different but there are other emotions, attitudes and what ever seem to have changed and you don't even realize it until someone might mention it to you saying something like WOW..I didn't know you were like that or you said that. It is our life that has changed and we are trying to figure out what and how to do it. Everyone has the advice, but we alone are the ones that have to figure it out.

At 7:11am on February 1, 2011, Carrie L said…: Tracey how many horses do you have do they all perform? Carrie L

At 7:08am on February 1, 2011, Carrie L said…: Tracey thanks for writing. that is so neat you have a memorial bullride. he would like that. It is tragic that they left us. It has only been nearly a year. I think i will always hear his voice. I don't think my son was happy and i could have done a whole lot more to make him happy. I am so filled with guilt and sadness. it is consuming. me. I have two other children who need me and i will try to do better with them. It won't take away the guilt but they all deserve a whole lot more. I think life is harder for some ... it was harder for Morgan his dad helped him out a lot. this accident like yours shouldn'at of happened it is very sad.. thanks.. hope you have peace also. carrie L

At 7:50am on January 30, 2011, Carrie L said…: Tracey your son is so handsome. I wish I had gotten my kids into rodeo. I had horses but didn't follow through. I am very sad. Some people on here say negative things about people being negative. And I guess there are optimists and pessimists. In mothers. In fathers.I'de give anything to do it all over again with him. He had that neat personality. different than the other kids. They are so very special. We were lucky to have them. and love them. very lucky indeed. Carrie L

At 3:02am on January 29, 2011, Brenda said…: Tracey I lost my daughter July 12,2009 in a car accident. The road she was on ended in the river it was night as she had went to see a friend of hers. When she left she got turned around and went the wrong way to come home. The road ended in the river and wasn't marked that it did, she drove right off into the river. Now they have up 3 signs one says caution river ahead, road ends in river and a STOP sign. I know if those signs had been up there that night she would have seen one of them. I agree with you that a mother's grieve is deeper than anyone else's as we are the ones that carry our children. I didn't get the chance to tell Bronda bye and that I loved her in person but those were the last words we said to each other on the phone earlier that afternoon. Know that my heart goes out to you and all the parents that have lost our children as it is so different than losing a parent, brother, or a sister. We lost part of us. Our lives will never be the same but with Gods help we will make it. May God watch over you.

At 12:05pm on January 26, 2011, Tracey L Howlett said…: Thank you all for your responses, I'm trying to make myself get up and get ready to go to town, I have so much to do, but I can't quit thinking about what happened 3 years ago tomorrow! I still can't wrap my mind around it maybe I never will. They say and I've read that those of us who loose especially our children to a tramadic accident that we grieve so much harder, I don' t know if that is true or not, I think that all mothers grieve deeply. I remember being told that no one knows the loss a mother feels for loosing her child, except another mother. I think thats true. For me, he's here one min. goes to his room and gone the next, I mean I don't still know how that could happen, but it did. I do ok most days. Like someone said anniversary's and birthdays are the hardest, even harder for me than the holidays. Although it seems that I am the worst from Nov. thru March. Everyone of those months is something significant. Anyway I do believe that God brought me to this site last night so I don't have to really be alone these next few days. Thank you all for being here for me.

Tracey

At 9:25am on January 26, 2011, Linda said…: Tracey....I just hit that 3 year mark on New Years Eve. My daughter, Jennifer, was 29 and died from a fire in our home. I, like you, thought and was told it gets "easier", it's not, at least for me it's not. Just about every word you said is the same for me and yes, it is so unbelievable that I have not seen, talked or had her hugs for 3 years..it blows my mind because sometimes it still seems like yesterday. I miss Jennie so much and really going through a rough time....I understand. Linda, Jennifer's mom

At 2:31am on January 26, 2011, Melinda Ellen Guinn said…: Candace had just turned 30 on 2/11. Less than 2 months later the Lord took her home. She was still a child, growing up still!

At 2:31am on January 26, 2011, Melinda Ellen Guinn said…: Candace had just turned 30 on 2/11. Less than 2 months later the Lord took her home. She was still a child, growing up still!

At 2:28am on January 26, 2011, Melinda Ellen Guinn said…: Sorry for your loss Tracey. My daughter, Candace Rae Watson, passed April 9th, 2010. She left 3 girls, at the time they were 8,7 and 2. She's my only child. I live about an hour from them. They live in Vegas. It does help to come here. My grief was so overwhelming I had to get some meds from my dr. Sadly, reading about other peoples trials it takes some of the bite out of my own. I feel like i get strength from peoples posts.