Ronda Johnston's Comments

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At 3:21pm on February 15, 2011, Jane said…

Hi Ronda,

Im glad I signed in today. Wow you lost Sean 6 days before I lost Kyle. I know how you feel. I want my son back so bad. This is the worst feeling. Not being able to do ANYTHING about it. We know we have to learn to live with this horriable feeling of loss......

Reading Kyles Autopsy report was the most horriable thing I have ever done. I threw up 4 times before I got to the end of it. Kyle had 12 different narcotics in his system. Kyle and i were very open and honest about his drug use. He had certain drugs in his system I KNOW he would never touch. But i also know he was not himself the last few days before his death. Kyles death has been listed as Accidental Overdose but Ive been told several stories about his last night.  one is that he was given a "Hotshot" which would mean he was murdered the other was that he commited sucide. i will never know the truth. I have to learn to live with that. One thing I do know is that Kyles passing has restored my faith in God. I know most ppl get mad at god when things like this happen I didn't. God didnt put the drugs in Kyle. I KNOW Kyle is with god now. I have NO doubts about that.  He is no longer hurting and is not struggling with the many problems he had here on earth. Think about it Ronda.... Ours boys are no longer in this messed up world. We dont have to worry about where they are what they are doing who they are with .... I know its a wierd wayto think but it helps me to KNOW where Kyle is. And he is at peace. and Sean is at peace too.  I am on face book Jane Powell and my picture is on there. Kyle has a facebook page too which My daughter and I try to keep it going. I will look for you. Hang in there girl. Much love to you and a big HUG!!  Jane

At 8:01am on February 15, 2011, JoAnn Brozowski said…
No problem - when I think back on the stuff I've done I can't believe it.  And I had been pretty sharp before this, if I may say so myself!  It comes and goes at the oddest times.  Sometimes just thinking that I don't feel too bad will cause it to all come back.  It was one year ago on Jan 26th.  Hard to believe.  Seems like a lifetime, seems like a second.  Hugs to you.  JoAnn
At 10:38pm on February 14, 2011, cynthia Thurman said…

Hi Ronda!

So good to hear from ya,

Nothing much  has changed, just another day passed!

Just pass the computer and noticed I had a message, Glad to hear from ya!

Not much has changed, same o!

Tina got me a box of Candy  added all the family names on the card!

Of-Course you add each child after they die!

Right!

We had this discussion in a class, of how and what do ya do when some-one ask you how many kids you have  , do you include every-one, I said OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!1

You don't act like your child never was here for while!

Some people look confussed!!

not knowing how to answer that question!

But I would never not mention these kids , they will always be your child!

No Matter where and when something happen to them! LORD!!

Well as you can see nothing but the same thing is still going on in my life, I never see much changing -ever!

All I know is SPRING will soon be here!

Take care and thanks for sending me a hello

Hope your family and you are doing well

Cynthia

Cynthia    

At 11:21am on February 14, 2011, Laurie said…
ronda I now fell exaxley the same year after year!!
At 5:24pm on January 28, 2011, Jane said…

Hi Ronda,

Its been a while since I've loggen on but I have a minute and wanted to say hi and see how your doing. What day did Sean pass? you say 2 months of the day in august that would be June right? My kyle passed June 20 2010 Also from a drug overdose. It haunts me constantly. I've heard many sotrys on how Kyle passed first it was just an accident, then someone told me he killed himself on purpose (I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS) and third I heard he was given a hotshot which would mean he was murdered. I know I will never know the truth not that it matters NOTHING will bring him back to me.

I live every day missing  and wanting him. He is the youngest of my 3 children and my 2 older children have one dad and Kyle had a different dad one that wanted nothing to do with him so its been just Kyle and I from day one. We were very close and shared something I didn't have with my other two. I love all my kids equally but Kyle well he was the most like me.  I know one day we will be reunited but until then my heart will always have an empty spot and I will never be complete again.

Looking forward to hearing from you when you get a chance, Hang in there my sister. Mycu love to you.

Jane

At 5:24pm on January 28, 2011, Jane said…

Hi Ronda,

Its been a while since I've loggen on but I have a minute and wanted to say hi and see how your doing. What day did Sean pass? you say 2 months of the day in august that would be June right? My kyle passed June 20 2010 Also from a drug overdose. It haunts me constantly. I've heard many sotrys on how Kyle passed first it was just an accident, then someone told me he killed himself on purpose (I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS) and third I heard he was given a hotshot which would mean he was murdered. I know I will never know the truth not that it matters NOTHING will bring him back to me.

I live every day missing  and wanting him. He is the youngest of my 3 children and my 2 older children have one dad and Kyle had a different dad one that wanted nothing to do with him so its been just Kyle and I from day one. We were very close and shared something I didn't have with my other two. I love all my kids equally but Kyle well he was the most like me.  I know one day we will be reunited but until then my heart will always have an empty spot and I will never be complete again.

Looking forward to hearing from you when you get a chance, Hang in there my sister. Mycu love to you.

Jane

At 5:33pm on January 22, 2011, Carol Roberts said…
how crazy is this!!! we can't find each other on facebook!  http://www.facebook.com/note.php?created&&note_id=490068939194#!/carols.space  try clicking on that and see if it takes you to my page, and then send me an invite.  we are gonna get this!
At 11:54am on January 20, 2011, Carol Roberts said…

Rhonda, big hugggggggggggs. I understand totally.  I cry most every day hon, and miss my son so very much.  I do find comfort in staying steadfast in the arms of Jesus, always reminding me of his promise <3  I do believe we go on once we leave this earth, so I talk to Christopher daily, and I know with all my heart he is always just a breath away, and he's free <3  I know he wants me to 'live' life. To carry on, and somedays are easier than others, and that's ok!  It's very important to our son's to know we will continue to live a full life, knowing they are with us always.  I'm just now starting to enter back into 'society' after a long stay away, long before Chris crossed over I had withdrawn.  I'm going to be volunteering at our church, just as a greeter, but for me that's HUGE.  And Hub and I are going to attend some group meetings with other couples.  Also, I have orientation on the 29th with Knox Area Rescue Ministries , I'll be volunteering.  They assist the homeless <3  I can't think of a better way to honor Christopher's memory than by giving back and being a beacon of love , hope, and light to those who are lost <3   

    Whew, that sounds like a lot!  and for me it is.  And I have God with me every step of the way.  

 Be gentle with yourself, this is a journey for us.  by 'living' we honor our loved one's, we never forget them, ever, and they know this <3  one day we will be together again, until then we have their constant support and love <3  I think the most difficult of this journey for me has been adjusting to not worrying about my son anymore. For 12 years, it was constant, as he battled addiction , the rise and fall, and all that goes with it.  In a sense, I have been free'd as well.  Though I'd give anything to hold him in my arms.  So we continue this journey together my friend, I'm always here for you.  If you want to converse on a more private level email me.  I will send my private email <3 Love,Carol

At 1:06pm on January 7, 2011, Carol Roberts said…

checking in Ronda to see how you are doing <3  you are in my thoughts and prayers, as are all here <3  Please keep in touch , you can email me privately any time 

   Now that the holiday's are past, I am able to relax a bit more, no big celebrations for a while.  I felt like I'd had no time to rest nor really grieve without constant distractions and a ' have to do' list.   So I'm allowing that time now <3  still doing the day to day, but without worrying about getting ready for what ever was coming up.  January is rest month for me, and getting my 'house' in order.   One day at a time, one moment at a time <3 <3 

At 1:06pm on January 7, 2011, Carol Roberts said…

checking in Ronda to see how you are doing <3  you are in my thoughts and prayers, as are all here <3  Please keep in touch , you can email me privately any time 

   Now that the holiday's are past, I am able to relax a bit more, no big celebrations for a while.  I felt like I'd had no time to rest nor really grieve without constant distractions and a ' have to do' list.   So I'm allowing that time now <3  still doing the day to day, but without worrying about getting ready for what ever was coming up.  January is rest month for me, and getting my 'house' in order.   One day at a time, one moment at a time <3 <3 

At 8:42am on December 30, 2010, Mary Ann Squires (Macs) said…
Hello Rhonda, Thank you so much for the nice email and your concerns. I had to get off the site for a couple of days as it was hard to read about how everyone was hurting so much durning the holiday.  It was tuff for sure and my birthday was on the 23rd with no "Hey Mom, Happy Birthday!" anyway, I guess we made it through and it may have made us stronger for the next round.  I know when I read of other parents and orbs and flicking lights I wish I would get those too. How ever when I opened his urn to get some ashes for a cremain locket I got, A spark came off the top just as I opened the it. I'm trying to be open minded about it, did that happen because I ran a razor blade around the edge or was it Logan's spirit telling us he is with us.  I'd like to think it was him. I hope we both will be able to experience something spiritual. I know it would help comfort us to know they are with us. Take care Honey, You are in my thoughts and prayers too. Macs  
At 7:23pm on December 28, 2010, judy taylor said…

Hi Rhonda x-mas was still bad after 3 yrs lossing 2 sons 5 weeks apart if you would like to to talk judytaylor1227@live.com or call 803-661-5904 having pity party to night yesterday was my b-day and the boys always made it special for now thats gone foreverer I am here

if you would like to talk I do not sleep I still wait up for my boy to come home

GOD BLESS you I will keep you in my prayera

judy taylor

At 7:42pm on December 27, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…

Hello, Ronda,

How is your health doing!

Just wondering!

Husband doinng O K ?

At 7:38pm on December 27, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…

Hi Rhonda,

I have been not doing much either!!

This place looks like a Mess that I live in because I haven't been home, But guess what!

I don't care about housework anymore, all that is my pass as well as everything else!!!

I live alone and  it's just me, I do keep it more neater than it is right now, but I have been just out and really going no-where that is that inportant, But I need to stay stay busy!!

I really don't worry about house-work, anymore, It's not a big deal in my life , Just like everything else in my life is not a big deal!

Just get up each day and try to stay as busy as I can doing and going somewhere!!

Me too on christmas, didn't even go no-where!

The Grandson's cam to visit Christmas Eve!

Well take care, and Thanks A bunch for the Note!

Thanks for thinking of me!

Your Friend

Cynthia  

At 6:23pm on December 24, 2010, Jane said…

Hi Rhonda,

Sorry I don't get on much. I have good days and bad myself mostly bad. Wanted to let you know I accepted your req and am looking forward to chatting when we can be strong this christmas and know I am thinking of you, We share the same feelings of loss and its so hard but YOU ans I are not alone in our grief, Much love to you Jane

At 10:05pm on December 20, 2010, Carol Roberts said…

Hi Rhonda! <3   Just returned home from a 5 day trip, visiting my daughter, my hubby's brother and fiance' and their new baby, and a dear friend.   It was a good trip, I'm glad we did it.  I cried the entire drive home today, the tears just kept coming, and I let them.  Sometimes I get a warm tingly feeling all over while I'm crying, and like to believe it's Chris holding me.   So much more took place as far as some realizations, and my 'accepting' things as they are.  We will be spending a quiet Christmas at home, Jack ( stepdad) hubby and Sarah and I, Mic and I didn't get each other anything, we got gifts for a little boy from the Angel Tree at Church, His Mother lives at the Helen McNabb Rehab center.  We felt it was perfect, and the boy , age 10 , loved the same things Chris did as a boy, lifted my heart to buy the gifts and carefully wrap them  .   Would love to see the look on his face , oh to be a fly on a wall. 

I guess I"m  sort of 'calm' or ' numb'  and we are going to get through this Christmas remembering the wonderful times spent with Chris, and making new ones this Christmas, and pray to honor God and celebrate the Birthday of Jesus  as well.  I wouldn't be getting through this without God <3   and the Angles <3  and family and friends <3  

I'll be thinking of you my friend, praying for you and yours as well.  Sean and Chris are watching over us, and our friendship, our families, always just a breath away <3  All of our Children here <3

 

Love you much, keep reaching out <3

Love, Carol

At 1:17pm on December 19, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…

Hi Ronda - I know exactly what you mean - my mind completely went and it has not fully returned!  I thought I was doing so well at first and then later on I looked back on things I had done and they were absolutely ass-backwards!!!!  I sent the renewal form for the car insurance and never put in the check!!!!  they almost cancelled the policy.  I really really had to relearn how to cook.  Your son looks so much like my nephew - he is beautiful.  I can email you a picture of Tyler, but I can't post one right now because looking at them hurts too too much.

At 8:52am on December 18, 2010, Carrie L said…

Hi Rhonda hope you are ok. I say that and know that we are not all the thoughts. my biggest ones are how. and why. and then the loss and the tears. all so very common everysingle day .. you know how everything reminds us of them. It is different a little for each one of us for each incident is different but now it is the same the loss the sadness the future. the longing the saddness the tears... thinking of you and our beautiful sons carrie L

At 9:30am on December 17, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…

Hi Ronda - this is my second post. I ran out of space on the first! So read that one first.  Now let me tell you about the Tyler we knew for the rest of his 24 yrs. He was a beautiful baby, happy, early walker.  As an only child we did all sorts of things w/ him - theater, concerts, vacations, day trips. He was very bright (in the gifted program).  Had a great group of friends.  Had a strong sense of right & wrong. There was no grey for Tyler.  He majored in Philosophy & Theology in college.  It was because he was a deep thinker - these subjects engaged his mind.  His dad was always on him to major in something employable like business or science.  I wish he hadn't ridden him so much.  We were lapsed Catholics, but when he was 12 he started to attend youth functions at a local Christian church with some of his friends.  He made the choice to join the church & opted to be baptized again, though he had been as an infant. How strong a kid did he have to be to make those choices on his own at that age?  He went on mission trips to Germany, Mexico, Guatemala, DC to rebuild homes, roads, schools. He was seeing a beautiful girl for 3 years & I hoped they would stay together.  He was funny & he & I were very much alike, more so than he & his dad.  My husband felt like I took his side, but we were so much alike it was hard not to. He was one of my best friends. He was my life, my reason for being. He was just stepping out to head out on his own. Now every dream, hope for the future I had  is destroyed. He was handsome - blue-green eyes & dark hair, until he was 6 he had beautiful blond hair!  Last Sat one of his best friends got married. He would have been in the wedding. We went out to dinner on Fri & without knowing it we chose the same rest. that the rehearsal dinner was at. It almost killed me knowing he should be there.  Sat was really hard - sat & cried thru a box of tissues for hours. Sean looks so much like my nephew!

At 9:16am on December 17, 2010, JoAnn Brozowski said…

Hi Ronda - it was so good to hear from you.  I check on this website every morning when I get to work.  It seems to help me a lot to know others who are going through this.  Tyler was my only child.  He passed on Jan 26th from an accidental overdose.  He would have turned 25 on Sept 19.  He was not a drug user, nor were his friends.  But he had suffered from depression since his early teen years.  He was very adverse to drugs & therapy & would go thru good and bad times.  During college he began to drink socially, as well as when he was depressed. (I really only understood what had happened now). When he finished & came home in Jan 09 he was out of work for quite a while & his drinking continued. His girlfriend of 3 yrs had a mother who was an alcoholic & she is also going for a MS in drug counseling.  She would ride him all the time about his drinking.  We thought she was over-reacting because of her background.  Each time she would get to the end of her rope she would take a break from him, which increased his depression & his drinking.  It was a vicious cycle.  He stopped drinking on Jan 1. Sadly I understand now that he was clearly addicted & needed something else.  I found he had stolen about 10 oxy I had gotten for surgery in Dec. I flushed the rest. His friends were not into drugs so he didn't have too many ways to get a hold of them.  So he turned to huffing computer duster.  He started Jan 7.  We found out & sent him to an out patient facility (he wouldn't go in-patient ). We stopped him from driving, he was now working in my company so I drove him to & from work, friends would take him to & from counseling. But he still managed to get it.This increased his depression, caused his girlfriend to cut ties with him. Just got worse.  By Jan 26 he was dead.  I couldn't find him in work & went looking.  A bathroom door was locked with no response. I picked the lock, he was dead on the floor.

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