Ronda Johnston's Comments

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At 7:23pm on December 13, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…

YES! You need not to feel guilty about how you feel, I will never have a tree up, I thought for who!!!

I live alone and my other Grandsons I seen a little, I live in A ROOM!!!

Not a house anymore!!

Don't want a house, For what!! Who will be here to see it!!

Everything is now different and it will always be this way!!!

Glad you drop me a line before you go into the hospital, Wow, not a good time to have to go to the hospital!!

Keep me  posted, when you feel like connecting

Good-luck!!

 

At 7:23pm on December 13, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…

YES! You need not to feel guilty about how you feel, I will never have a tree up, I thought for who!!!

I live alone and my other Grandsons I seen a little, I live in A ROOM!!!

Not a house anymore!!

Don't want a house, For what!! Who will be here to see it!!

Everything is now different and it will always be this way!!!

Glad you drop me a line before you go into the hospital, Wow, not a good time to have to go to the hospital!!

Keep me  posted, when you feel like connecting

Good-luck!!

 

At 3:09pm on December 12, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…

Just one question! Do ya ever DREAM about SEAN!

Tina said she dreams of Lil Bo and Ashton all the time!!

I have once that I can remember!!

Tina said if you talk to them or mention their names, She has a dream about them, These kids are always on my mine! and I really do talk about them to people all the time, But I don't dream about them much, But I Have!!!

Talk to ya later 

At 3:04pm on December 12, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…

Hi Ronda,

How is things going for your family?

How is your husband doing?

Thought I would just check in to see how everybody is doing on your side of town!

Yell, It's almost Christmas, But what's it really matter, it don't matter anymore if it's a Holiday, or a just a normal day,  Our hurt will always be there!!

Did ya put up a Tree for the family for Christmas, No I didn't!

Really don't need a tree!!

Well just checking on ya and I will connect to ya again soon!

Take care

Cynthia  

At 3:04pm on December 12, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…

Hi Ronda,

How is things going for your family?

How is your husband doing?

Thought I would just check in to see how everybody is doing on your side of town!

Yell, It's almost Christmas, But what's it really matter, it don't matter anymore if it's a Holiday, or a just a normal day,  Our hurt will always be there!!

Did ya put up a Tree for the family for Christmas, No I didn't!

Really don't need a tree!!

Well just checking on ya and I will connect to ya again soon!

Take care

Cynthia  

At 9:32pm on December 11, 2010, Renee Bushey said…
Hi Ronda, Sorry to hear that you are also going through the same nightmare as myself. I have been wanting to find someone to connect with someone, somewhere! I am pretty much consumed with thoughts of my son Donovan all day. i try to stay busy at work, but it only helps a little. Donovan was 28yrs old. Donovan was a great person with a huge heart. He left behind a 3yr. old beautiful little girl named Rain. Unfortunately- just one month (June 19 2010) before Donovan left us, Rain's Mother also passed away. So sweet little Rainy has no Mommy or Daddy. When I look at Rain I see so much of my son that it makes me want to hold her and never let go. But at the same time.... it hurts to look at her. Donovan was a great father! Rainy face lit up like a light bulb every time she looked at her daddy. It was so touching to watch. I miss him so much. The pain (as you know) goes beyond words. I am going to stop here cause the tears are making it hard to type. Renee'
At 7:46am on December 11, 2010, Carrie L said…

Hi rhonda you have written to me so i write back hoping for a relief from my pain. though i know only time and god and my being with him again will really relieve any of it. i am hoping to have a good time going to the parks in florida i hear the weather is cold.. but it is not any transition because it is cold here in md.. I am so sorry we have to go through this but it is a lifetime journey I said my life was shattered to another friend and she agreed it is shattered. I know you are in the same situation. and there is not much we can do but sympathize with eachother and know we are truly sympathizing as the rest of the world is moving on... carrie L

At 3:42pm on December 6, 2010, Carol Roberts said…
Rhonda <3 I think our families are what keeps us going, as difficult as it is. Chris and my daughter both lived in Alabama, so we always traveled to them or them to us, going to be very emotional not having him with us this year. He tooo Loved the food! I want it to be a special Christmas for Brittany, and create beautiful memories so we can carry on. I think it's a beautiful gesture for you to include your daughter's boyfriend for Christmas, to open your heart and your home to him. And your son Will be there with you all, as mine will be with us. My husbands little sister (16) lives with us, she lost her mom almost 3 years ago, and the dad never in her life. So we intend to make Christmas as special as we can for her as well, my dad too. All we have is each other, our families, and our son's would be so happy to see us celebrating the birth of Jesus with our loved one's along with cherishing all the Christmas's we've had with them. The more I resist, hide away, the greater the pain is, so I know we need our families during the good and the bad. My hub held me for over an hour this morning as I cried.
At 2:43pm on December 6, 2010, Carrie L said…
Hi Rhonda, thanks for writing. it is horrible. thanksgiving was spent with a friend then I went to my sons home and it is always hard but am thankful he has two siblings. I am not in the mood for celebrating either. all is different now. i know he would want me to be happy. but happiness is different now. i think about it constantly that is what we all share here. so i know i am not abnormal. our first born... wow.. not good. I think we will be ok for we have to be no other reason. thanks for thinking about me. and i do think about all of us.. but mostly about him. you know how it is. life will never be the same i waas thinking about going to compassionate friends. and will. am planning a trip with my son good to spend some quality time with him. our lives are forever changed... i want it to be different but I know this is how it is now.. hope you are ok. wish i could be with you and the others on here so we could weep together and we know how it hurts and we know that our lives are forever different. and not in a good way.. thinking of you and our problems. carrie L
At 10:04pm on December 3, 2010, Carol Roberts said…
Hi Rhonda <3 So glad you found support there, I haven't found much here outside of my hubby, people seem to withdraw , not knowing what to say or how to act. maybe your initiative will inspire me. Every day is a major effort to get through, and I push myself. Difficult when there is family here who count on me . Hubby and I are going to see my Daughter the weekend before Christmas, and I'm really looking forward to seeing her. It's going to be difficult but at the same time I pray a blessing. She's 26 and I got her all kinds of silly fun stuff <3 Also giving her some things of Christopher's that I believe he would want her to have. I get a lot of messages from Chris, I know he's always just a breath away, truly. Please keep in touch, I am so thankful to have you as a friend here <3
At 9:40am on December 3, 2010, valerie moore said…
ronda,your loss is so fresh. how are you doing? our sons passed in their sleep and for that i feel grateful that dusty didnt suffer,,, or did he?? i wonder. anyway, it could have been much worse. thanksgiving was very hard, i felt like i had nothing to be thankful for or live for. then the sunday afterwords was the 1 yr 3 mon mark. i cried most of the day, let some balloons go in his memory and had a candle lit all day. i miss him so much.... the pain is unbelievable. i wonder if i will really be able tomove on.... hugs to you, val
At 9:40am on December 3, 2010, valerie moore said…
ronda,your loss is so fresh. how are you doing? our sons passed in their sleep and for that i feel grateful that dusty didnt suffer,,, or did he?? i wonder. anyway, it could have been much worse. thanksgiving was very hard, i felt like i had nothing to be thankful for or live for. then the sunday afterwords was the 1 yr 3 mon mark. i cried most of the day, let some balloons go in his memory and had a candle lit all day. i miss him so much.... the pain is unbelievable. i wonder if i will really be able tomove on.... hugs to you, val
At 9:44pm on December 2, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…
Hi Ronda,
I'am so glad you found PAM, She will be so much help to you and you to her, What a Connection!!
I really do have good friends, but they have NEVERED experience A lost like WE have!!!
You just have to be in our SHOES to really understand!!
But my friend's really listen MOST of the time!!!!
Yell ,these HOLIDAY"S are messed -up, but like I said now it's been 8 years this year!!
LORDY!!!!
I still have 4 Grandsons and Tina I still have to HELP as long as my mine let's me!!
How is your husband doing with all of this?
I hope everything is well with all of you,

I don't even put up a tree anymore,
Well you try to have a good day annd say HI to your new friend,
Wish ya well
Cynthia
At 9:44pm on December 2, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…
Hi Ronda,
I'am so glad you found PAM, She will be so much help to you and you to her, What a Connection!!
I really do have good friends, but they have NEVERED experience A lost like WE have!!!
You just have to be in our SHOES to really understand!!
But my friend's really listen MOST of the time!!!!
Yell ,these HOLIDAY"S are messed -up, but like I said now it's been 8 years this year!!
LORDY!!!!
I still have 4 Grandsons and Tina I still have to HELP as long as my mine let's me!!
How is your husband doing with all of this?
I hope everything is well with all of you,

I don't even put up a tree anymore,
Well you try to have a good day annd say HI to your new friend,
Wish ya well
Cynthia
At 9:59pm on November 29, 2010, Diane said…
Ronda:
Thanks for your message of comfort about the holidays. Reading that it has only been a few months makes me go back to Ryan's death date of October 28th and how difficult that first holiday was only 30 days later. I understand the pain. I am so sorry you (and everyone here) has to bear this pain of pressure during the holidays. As if we did not have enough to deal with we are pushed into feeling "joyful" about the holidays. I just want it to all go away. The first few years are hard but I was in shock. I find now on the 5th holiday it can be even harder because I am "fully awake" and understand he's not coming back. I set a place for him at the dinner table. It was better and easier to pretend. That's all life seems to be anymore...pretending it's okay when it is not okay at all. Not at all. Take care of yourself.
At 4:35pm on November 26, 2010, valerie moore said…
hi ronda. thinking of you as well. keeping you in my prayers as we all do. this was my 2nd thanksgiving without dusty. it seemed to have hurt worse, because last year, i was in a state of shock and now i am feeling the pain ... i am not in the holiday mood.. i just want it to all go away.... monday will be 1 yr and 3 months. i am going to send off balloons to dusty in heaven... i just feel the need to do something.... life is such a drag... i dont really know if i can live without dusty.... hugs to you, valerie
At 4:35pm on November 26, 2010, valerie moore said…
hi ronda. thinking of you as well. keeping you in my prayers as we all do. this was my 2nd thanksgiving without dusty. it seemed to have hurt worse, because last year, i was in a state of shock and now i am feeling the pain ... i am not in the holiday mood.. i just want it to all go away.... monday will be 1 yr and 3 months. i am going to send off balloons to dusty in heaven... i just feel the need to do something.... life is such a drag... i dont really know if i can live without dusty.... hugs to you, valerie
At 10:28am on November 25, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…
Hi Ronda,
I know about all the DATES that seem like they come at the same time!!! Lil BO,just had his BIRTHDAY if he was here and ASHTON also to now here comes all these HOLIDAY"S< LORD< I"am.trying to be O K for the rest of the kids , My Daughter Lanette is still the same, nothing will change for her, and Tina she is still doing the same!
But I still help all the other 4 grandsons trying to keep all of them close to one another, It's been 8 years and LORD, It seem like yesterday!!!
YES MY MUSIC IS WHAT KEEPS ME SANE< I turn it up as loud as it will go and if I cry all the way thru the song then that's just the way it is, , but it the best therapy for me!
I grew up listening to the late 50's music and the 60's, My kids grew up listening to the 70's 80's, some 90's!!!
I have always been a music person, and that is still a big part of my life!!!
It's O K to cry, and It's O K to sing along with the music, I always did that with my kids! I have ask myself
Please try to have a good day for the rest of the family, It's not just about me, these kids are having a hard time dealing with this too. 2 of my grandsons lost their mom 8 years ago when they lost their brother LIL BO, So it is really hard on these kids, I have to be STRONG for them too, Then tina's kids live with their dad because of her medical condition, So she has a hard time dealing with that too, Lord too much to talk about!!
YOU have a good day, BEST wishes,
I will be so glad when SPRING showes up and get all this behind us again!!!
Take care my friend
At 7:34pm on November 24, 2010, cynthia Thurman said…
Hi Ronda,
Just thought I would say hi and hope your family are WELL,
When the Birthday's come around and then follows the HOLIDAY"S,
I get very QUITE, Don't really want to TALK about anything, I Write in my Journal and turn the Radio on as loud as it will go and Sing, Does this make sence, well I don't if it does or not, but that keeps me from thinking of all the EVIL!!!
Hope you are doing O K and try to have a good holiday!
Take care
At 5:12pm on November 22, 2010, Carol Roberts said…
Rhonda, just stopping by to say hi and let you know i'm thinking of you, thinking of us all here, and our beautiful kids who are watching over us. Please know that you can reach out any time <3 Holidays are going to be tuff no doubt for us all. =o( I am thankful for my daughter who we will be going to visit the weekend before Christmas, It just wont be the same without Chris there too, but I believe he will be there most definitely in spirit. The kids always had so much going on during the day of the holiday, we always visited before or after so not to compete with my ex and their boyfriend and girlfriend's families. I'd show up with cookies, and food, and make a thanksgiving and christmas dinner both! cause the kids always said mine was best,lol. and we'd feast, and laugh, and open gifts, and have long talks late at night. gonna miss it , but I hope to still make it special for my daughter Brittany.

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