Rhonda, just stopping by to say hi and let you know i'm thinking of you, thinking of us all here, and our beautiful kids who are watching over us. Please know that you can reach out any time <3 Holidays are going to be tuff no doubt for us all. =o( I am thankful for my daughter who we will be going to visit the weekend before Christmas, It just wont be the same without Chris there too, but I believe he will be there most definitely in spirit. The kids always had so much going on during the day of the holiday, we always visited before or after so not to compete with my ex and their boyfriend and girlfriend's families. I'd show up with cookies, and food, and make a thanksgiving and christmas dinner both! cause the kids always said mine was best,lol. and we'd feast, and laugh, and open gifts, and have long talks late at night. gonna miss it , but I hope to still make it special for my daughter Brittany.
I find it hard to believe that people I've never met can be the ones that I feel closest to - I read a quote about parents who have lost their children - No one on the outside can ever know and no one on the inside can ever explain. Even though we are worlds apart in reality, we all suffer in the same hell. Your son's photo reminds me of my nephew. I can't even look at Tyler's pictures - the pain is unbearable when I do. I can't believe I'll never see him again, hold him, talk to him. I honestly don't know what my purpose on earth is anymore - he was my only child. They've started with holiday things everywhere already and I want to scream - I'LL NEVER CELEBRATE ANOTHER CHRISTMAS. How could I? Keep in touch. My thoughts and prayers are with your and your beloved Sean.
I feel your pain Ronda its so hard, I look at my son's picture and cannot believe I will never see him, talk to him again.
Some days I just want to die.
I have yet to get back to Church, but our Pastor has texted me once a week trying to reach out for me to come in to speak to him but its just hard for me to talk to anybody.
I have always been the type of person to keep things in and just deal with things on my own but everybody keeps telling me I need to talk to others. I told them I talk to other mom's online who have lost a child and that brings me some comfort.
Its only been a little over a month for us, but next month will be hard as my son's birthday is Dec 3rd, he would of been 25, then it will be 2 months since he passed on Dec 4th, then we have Christmas.
Have no idea if /what we will do for Christmas.
I can't see even getting a Christmas tree this year.
My husband said something about putting lights on the house as we have every year for the pass 10 yrs but I told him I don't care if you do , but I won't be buying any more if we need any.
I know my son would not want me to sit n mourn as none of our kids would but how can we not.
I am here if you need me if you need to you can text me, I don't always answer my phone but if you really need to talk text me and let me know and I will call you
405 259 6817
hugs and prayers
ronda, its been 1 yr and almost 3 months and i want dusty back SO BAD,, it hurts and the pain seems to only get worse..they say the 2nd year is worse, and it sure has been, i think because the cloud of shock is wearing away and the reality is there. i just feel like i cant live without him, we were very close, because from the time his dad cut his cord, he did not want a thing to do with him.. so, it was always me and him... my only baby... i just dont think i will be able to go on for much longer... i just cant see living my life with so much pain. write anytime ..i am here for you..... i know we all hurt....love and hugs, valerie
Hi Ronda, Yes last night was a disappointment but I can wait, I am so sorry for your loss too. You know, the moment of silence is just really a great way to know that we are all thinking of eachother at the same time too, Yes I did feel something the first time I did it, I was relaxed and in a very quiet place, here there was just so much going on and so much tension.... Next time we do it I am going to make sure there are NO distractions, I dont dream of my son, and he doesnt come to me (except the first moment of silence, I dont know if it was him or just the warmth of everyone) but I know he is there, I think they will wait until they know we can handle it. My love and thoughts go out to you...
Hey girl, I'm right here with you, walking beside you. And I believe in divine intervention as well, ie our meeting here =o) . Most of the time, I don't fight the sadness, I let it flow, I cry and cry, sometimes for a few days, then the clouds lift, and I can hear Chris's voice in my head saying ' Mom ,it's ok, I'm right here" I pray a lot, I talk to God ALOT, and I talk to Chris alot, and I journal daily. My greatest support comes from God. I too , changed forever, but i'd like to think in good ways, growing. Talking to you guys here, and reading posts, I see I'm not alone. it has taken me time to join in, as revisiting is painful Today I woke up feeling peaceful, and am carrying that with me through the day <3. My daughter called me this morning, and that made my day even brighter. Keep in touch, wish you werent so far away. Sending you big warm huggs.
As a matter of fact TODAY NOV 4 , 2002, 5:00am is when I had the fire, It was Nov 2002 My daughter Lanette was found and now lives in Ohio in a nursing some .
Yes another year has pass, and I seen no difference than the day this happen than today!
Nothing has changed, I miss my family so much, as you know my husband died Aug 15th, 2003, to now I'am really on my own, We will battle this LOST for the rest of our life.
They say time heals, well maybe so, but the pain will never go away!
I yearn to Just touch my FAMILY!!!
Well I will go for now , but thanks for dropping me a line,
It's the worse thing anything can go thru and that is writing on this page about the lost of our childred!
But we have to talk to one another, or I WILL GO NUTS, 8 Birthday's now have come and gone, all the holidays are coming AGAIN! Which now I don't leave the house.
I am sorry for your loss.
It just doesn't seem real to me.
Keep thinking he will walk in the door any minute.
Its hard for me to get out of the house, to even go to Church.
And our Church is small one but for the most part almost the whole Church was at the funeral to show their support.
I still need to do the Thank you notes to everybody for flowers.
I can't seem to do much of anything.
Even being online is hard unless I am on a site with others who have lost a child.
You all are the only ones who bring me comfort, sometimes my dogs.
I have a house full of dogs and one of them he and I grieved when one of my dogs passed away 3 yrs ago.
I so want to do something to get word out go speak at high schools, colleges, etc of the dangers of mixing drugs with other drugs and alcohol.
Hugs if any of you ever need to talk please feel free to email me.
I try to check my email a few times a day and if any of you need a text buddy to vent, or whatever let me know
I can send you my number we have unlimited text .
That is only way I can communicate with others right now I can't speak on the phone to anyone
Hi Rhonda, Blessing to you my friend, and May God be with you and yours, any time you want to talk hon, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. We are walking side by side on our journey's, please know you have my support and my friendship any time. One day at a time my friend, no more, no less. I have found talking to my son Chris to be my best therapy, tho I try not to do it in public! haha! I know he's always just a breath away, and listens, and sends me signs that he is watching over me. And I thank God he is at peace now, safe and happy livinging in God's Kingdom in heaven <3
Today has been a terrible day for me...my husband of 1 1/2 yrs woke me up at 6 am to tell me he doesn't want my family and friends encluding my grandchildren comming over so much which is maybe once a month. he is so selfish, he told me if having them around made me happy then he was happy therefore he lied. I don't know how I'm supposed to grieve and fight with him at the same time. I'm so sorry to dump all of this on you but I know you would understand how I'm feeling. I'm also sorry to hear of your sadness. but I guess we'll be this way for some time.
Ronda God bless you for writing me in your time of sorrow. I know all too well how you are feeling. While we may never get over or loss we will certainly get through it. God is so amazing when I'm feeling down I usally talk to him or read his scriptures. but I thank him for guiding me to this group and I am so grateful to make your aquantance Ronda... Like wise if you ever need a shoulder to lean on I am here for you just as you are for me. Ora Smith
Thank you for writing to me Ronda. I know what you are going through, it took 5 months for us to get the autopsy report back, but I already knew what it would say....cause of death was Acute Opiate Toxicity (accidental heroin overdose). They are both two young to die and leave us. But God apparently needed them right now, so we will have to continue to get through each and every day...one day at a time. I too think of Chase 24/7, I keep picture all around me even in my car, just so I can see him and talk to him. It comforts me to have his pictures with me. Please keep me posted my friend and know that you are in my prayers and you are not alone. May God continue to put His arms of protection, comfort and peace around you. Annette Walters
Thanks for connecting, Good to hear from ya, Not doing much for my-self, same old things!
Not much I really feel like doing, You-know, Yes Tina I adopted 33 years ago and she had 3 SONS in the early 90's, She was my husband's sister's daughter!
P S , You know we are limited on words on this page right?
Anyway, does your daughter still live at home with ya, how is your husband doing, See we talk about what bothers us but the guys holds it all in, that's what happen to my husband, wouldn't talk, would let me talk, I just started writing what was In my mine. Tina , with all her health problems she has had, she still wants to live alone with her YORKIES dogs, Her 2 other sons live with their dad, I go on -week-ends to take them out, so Tina can visit with them , Ace is now 14 years 1st year of High school, Damien is now 12 years, Ace was only 5 years when we had the fire, Lord!
Tina live 5 minutes away from me and I take her everywhere she needs to go!
But I also take her back to her place when our day is over!
She has her own way she wants to live-alone with her dogs and I live alone-along, No dogs, I just need my space, I always come home alone! I live in just ONE ROOM
I'am taking a little of my life that is left for ME!
Not much, but A little, I do go out for lunch with some friends I have found from high school, and enjoy that.
I go to our Library, just sometimes just go for a walk or sit at the park and read!
Things Tina wouldn't like! I really try not to talk about SAD things everyday, My one FRIEND told me I needed to talk about Funny and happy things!
I told her those days are now in my past!
Even tho I do have more Grandsons, 4 left and Tina, Poor Lanette is so lost in the world!
The SADNESS weighs out the Happeness!
Well it's been since Nov 4th 2002, since our whole life changed in a flash!!!
Sorry for writing so much, but as you can see, I'am really a storyteller!!!!
Take care and write anytime
Hi Ronda Thank You for thinkin of me the 10th was my oldest sons 36th B-Day
god its been 3 yrs but it seems like yesterday I see a shrink once a week the meds help a little had me a good old pity party last night my email email@example.com
I haven't had a Christman Tree up since 2002! What's the big deal now! YES My music was my all time favorite!!! Some makes you really sad and song takes me way back in mynlife before I was married, I love all kinds of songs!!
My kids grew up with the doo wop, and the oldies!
We would put the radio in the car as loud as it would go and sing-a long, to now I;am still listening to all the music from my life, to the kids music they like!
To now all we have is our memories left!
Take care Ronda, I too just now lay in bed and just lay there watching TV. I don't have the engery to even get up anymore!!!
8 years now
well hope you have a nice day and I will try to do the same!
Talk to ya soon,
ronda, been thinking of you. your loss is sooo fresh, i cant even remember when i was at 4 months. all i rememeber is the continunng pain, severe, in my heart and soul, i have a broken heart that will never mend. my husband and i have totally disconnected because he is jealous that all i think about is my baby dusty. i have nowhere to go and no money . i am plain stuck....its hard for me to make any recommendations at this point-- just waking up and getting out of bed is a major accomploshment. i have no friends..nothing, nobody- the days are long and sad... love you ,,,,keep writing...