Never in a milllion year did I ever think I would be living with so much pain. It's real it is not T.V, I have to pinch myself to let me know the pain is real it is not a bad nightmare. When I had to tell the doctor to take my daughter of the ventilator it was the hardest part of my life and I still till this day wonder if I did the right thing. I have to live with that what if for the rest of my life, continue to ask myself if I done the right thing.
Thanks to everyone lately every day has been hard, having people tell me that two years has passed and get over it. Some people not as sympathetic to my daughters death. You certainely learn who is your friend, or good associate. I will continue to have this void that can not be filled, unlike God who said let there be and there was unfortunately I can not say let my daughter come back to me and she appears. I understand that God allow certain things to happen for a reason, and I try hard to understand those reasons. I will be at peace when I can look my daughter's murders in the eyes and tell them and show them what they did to my baby. Thank each one of you who responded on my wall, I take each one of your advice to heart. I must be honest thought easily said than done at least for me. All of it is good advice, but the pain is real for each one us. Yes I will take care of my grand children and my daughter but I will not be truly happy until I can solve this unsolve murder. Chills goes down my spine each time I think her murders are out their living there lives while my daughter lies cold in her grave and my grand daughter thinks her mother does not love her because she left her and them taking away not only a daughter but a good friend. I will not spare them any pain because the did not spare me. I thank God for you all because I am able to speak to you all which keeps me sane.
dear sylvonia, yes indeed each one of us has a story, and each one i read here, is more heart breaking, and i feel my own heart breaking with you. i lost my 17 year old to suicide 13 years ago, i cant imagin what your going through,plz exscuse me, but hell comes to mind. as i,ve lived it myself. and your poor grand daughter, my heart just hurts so badly for you all. i hope you find the person/ persons responible for this horendoues act. and i hope you get your chance to look them in the face, and tell them all about your sweet baby, they stole from you. but you have to breath hun, you have to belive that gods got your angel, and he's holding tight to her. your pain is very real, and i wish i had the words to somehow comfort you. your beginning the healing process, by reaching out to all of us, by telling us all about your baby, by sharing your pain, we all know to well. keep doing that, i promise we're here to help you through it, what ever you need. to talk, to vent, to tell you your not alone, so sorry luv, i know it hurts, but your grand daughter needs her grammy, now more than ever, your in my prayers hun, and i hope you get justice. godbless
Sylvonia, I'm so sorry you lost your daughter, especially in such a horrible way. I just lost my son two weeks ago. He literally drank himself to death. The days are so hard to get through, and the nights are not much better. I sincerely hope they find the person who did this to your daughter. I'm here for you and I know you're here for me. We're a family here.
I thank God for the grief support group, because I know that I am not alone. That there are so many people who feel the way I do. Just like the lady stated if it was not for this group I probably would be facing deep depression, but to know I can write any time and reach some one who knows exactly what I am going through is comforting. Thank you all for your continue support and ears. I need closure, I had to have a closed casket funeral because of the wounds she suffered. I feel that I will never be able to have closure until I know who killed my baby. There are days I feel that I am not going to make it at all. I enjoy my grand daughter and grand son but deep down inside there is something missing a void that can not be replaced or filled.
Today has been a tough one for me, I cry and cry. I miss my daughter right now we would be on the telephone chatting, she telling me about her day. We use to talk for hours, politics, life, religion, my granddaughter her daughter. We take the simpliest things for granted until we lose it forever. My daughter was viciously murdered, and I do not understand why someone would hate her that much to shoot her with a shot gun.
Try your hardest to put attention and love towards your grandchildren, thats what i do,,,and i try to realize they need me right now,,,,you will cry every day, i have been crying since 2006.....but now i am trying to stop myself when i get in that crying mood,,,,because my grandkids catch me,,,,and they get so sad for me,,,and i want them to grow up happy,,,,so try to be happy for them, our time will come soon enough, and you now what, the little ones talk to our child that passed,,,my Breanna talks to Adam all the time,,,she was calling her brother BUCKY,,one day,,i said where did you get that name bucky,,,she said thats what Adam calls her when she is bad,,,and she said,,Adam told her , he wants to Borrow me up to heaven with him for a little bit, then send me back down here,,,,how sweet,,,she is only 4....very young to know this much talk,,,so i believe he does visit her,,,
Stay strong, and yes it was tough for me to believe in God at first, but as time passes you will understand that He is the only one that will get you through this most difficult time. I thought it was ironic that our daughters incidents happened on the same day, my daughter was shot on the 16th of November 2007. If you need someone to talk to do not hesitate to email me.
Thank you so much for responding. I am sooo sorry for the loss of your daughter. As a mom who lost her daughter also, I feel your pain.
Everyday does get a little better and though I have a hard time with my faith in God right now i know that she is in heaven and enjoying life the way she should have a long time ago.