Hi Karen,I hope you're doing ok and that your grandson is keeping you busy,I hope you put up the tree for him as I did for my grandson and his litte face lit up and he was so happy so put up that tree now and watch he joy on his face as you know the joy of his dad's smile will be in your heart and all the joy you both shared and that will never fade nor will his love for you and his son,so be blessed this Christmas season.The Preacher!!!
Karen, thank you for your thoughtful words. One of the things I told Nicole's fatehr was that this was wholly unnatural, and that she should have been going to his funeral someday. I am sorry for your loss. All I can suggest is to consider that while your son is gone, you still live. I'm learning that living can be a conscious choice. I choose to live. I feel the pain and the sorrow, but I still try to make every day as good as it can be because I will never have it back, and in so doing, I honor her memory. I hope this helps. John
Dear Rev. Durden.
I am trying so hard to except that Ben is gone and is in heaven but as soon as I start trying to except it, I lose it. I do trust the lord with him, I know he's safe, and he dosen't have to worry about this troubled world. I am going to be one of those people who asks myself how did I do it. I think its the part where I never got to say good by, and yes I thank the lord for the 24 years I did have and for the beautiful grandson I have who is 9. My grandson is so strong maybe its because of his age, I cry and he's right there making it all better. I am going camping with my church this weekend and I am so happy, I love the church and I love the lord so much its like a new light has turned on in my head. I think its just some of the simple things like a check came in the mail for him the otherday, from some kind of settlement 9months ago, it was little, but I just said oh Ben could of used this money. Then I came home and all my pictures were crooked like we had a little earthquake that was one of his pet peas, he hated it when pictures were crooked. Sometimes when I get into my car his favorite band would be playing, so ya its the little things that set me off.....karen
Hello Karen,I hope you're okay and things are going well for you.Once again when you release someone it does not mean you forget them which you can never do anyway,it means you be at peace and walk on knowing that Ben is with you every step of the way.It means that your grief is moved and you have come to grips with death and the pain it brings,you then trust the Lord to watch over you and the pain you have is the love that you shared with one another,it not to forget but to move on knowing that Ben is okay and you don't keep punishing yourself,I know this might sound strange but I'm at peace with Kisha's death even though I cry at the smallest thing or when she comes across my mind when I watching tv or listening to a song tha she liked,forget I'll never do that but let go I did that and its something that we all have to do at some point.I can walk out to Kisha's grave and stand and look and listen & it hurts but I know that she's alright and so I'm alright.I still fight with the guilt,frustration and pain of wondering what could have been don to stop this and its nothing,so I go on loving her and laughing at those things that are funny to her and crying at the things that made her sad but then I go on for that's what she would want,but I know you'll get there in time as your heart heals more,but for now live on because it is hard there is no remedy for somethings.May the love of God and the sweet communion of the Holy Spirit guard your mind and heart in Christ Jesus.
Hi Karen,there is a release that you do by prayer and to do it you pray with someone or if you have the strength you can do it alone,this release is simple and it gives you peace because you have given back to God what God gave to you,now God begin the cycle of hold your grandson and you together and everything you do will be you raising him with the strength of Ben's heart & the things you use to do with Ben,because his son is his strength and that strength will guide you on as you watch him grow.I hope this helps its really something to help your heart,you see some of the things I do may seem strange but I look to the Lord and I know that's where Kisha would look.Be Blessed my friend.
Hi Karen,its good to know that you're struggling that let's me know that you're still on the Battle field so don't give up and don't give out because you'll start climbing the hill a little easier and then you can reach your hand out and pull someone else along because you'll know how to tell them about the bumps in this road so that your heart will tremble when someone says to you how do you make it and you can repy one day at a time.Don't use the ostrich syndrome by burying your head in work come out find something to do that you know you like that will benefit you and know at the same time he'll love what you're doing as summer is a good time to heal because there are so many things going on get out and go to the park and meditate on the goodness of God Almighty and how much he loves you and how it could have been harder but God has brought you along slowly and now I ask you as they asked me to release him and let him go and you can feel a sense of peace as you trust God to take care of him as he trusted you to take care of him and you did for 24 yrs. Now think about the lady that just lost he baby at 6 months old,I got 23 yrs and you got 24 so God trusted us for a long time and my daughter allowed me to know what the love of God really was as she always told any and all how much God loves them and he loves you Karen and your heart will heal when you release Ben and see how much peace comes to you it doesn't mean that he's gone it means that you trust God to take care of him in eternity as you trust God to take care of you his love will overshadow you and soothe your heart.Be Blessed, the "Preacher".
Hi Karen when I look at gleam in your child's eye I get the feeling that he really had a joy about him and you had his heart and that remains regardless of life or death.I hope that the joy you shared continues to help you gain the joy you need to make it day by day and the love that you have will always be the guide you walk by . Be Blessed
I know Karen, giving good advice is the easy part. It's actually living what we preach while we just want to die also cuz we miss our sons so much. I never knew this kind of emotional pain was possible. I guess I never loved anything or anyone as much as my children so I never knew what it was like to lose someone you loved more than life itself. That is what losing a child is. It is losing someone that you love more than you love your own life. I would die 100 times to have my son live.
Hi Karen thanks for writing. church would be good there is not much to say except our bond is one of mutual dissatisfaction what we want is our sons. nothing can replace that so that is a loss forever. i worry about my happiness i know morgan would want more than anything for me to be happy carrie l and he would want to share that happiness. with me i love him why.....
I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO GO BACK TO CHURCH YET. I TRIED, BUT JUST COULDNT. TODAY HAS BEEN A VERY LOW DAY AND I JUST WONDER, IS THIS WHAT THE REST OF MY LIFE WILL BE? I DONT SEEM TO HAVE THE STRENGTH IT WIL TAKE TO MOVE AHEAD, EVEN 1 STEP.
Dear Karen, I know I need to go on too. I am sure Kenny wants me to be strong and take care of his brother and sisters. I can't allow the grief to kill me but I must say I kinda understand now how much Kenny must of hurt to want to end his life. Hopelessness is the worst and when your child has died there is no hope that they are coming back so it is a new low that I have never been at before. I have been a christian for years, my dad is a pastor. I got mad at God because I feel like I tried to be a good person and live a life of love and this is the reward? Why did God let this happen? Kenny was an exceptionally kind sensitive man, loved animals and defended there rights not to be abused by humans. This world needed men like him. Well we all have our story. It is not your fault or mine. There is no simple answer as to why people die by suicide except to end the suffering. I am sure they have no idea how much suffering the survivors are left with.
my son was also 24 it is a vulnerable age but we cannot do anything now. public bothers me also as all humans do they remind me of him i am thankful to have had him and those years but i had great plans which i cannot do without him he was unique a light in a dull world and wanted to have fun and he was philosophical outside the box. he is greatly missed and i still cannot believe it nor do i want to believe it. carrie l
Hi Karen, I am so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to go on after you lose your son. I still struggle and it will be two years in Nov. It has been such a short time for you, everyday must be a struggle. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom for you but I don't. I make it one day at a time. My world will never be the same but I must learn to live in this new place without my son, as we all do. I hate it but I have to accept it. I know I am not alone. There are too many other mothers just like me, broken hearted. We have to support each other to make it through this. Bless you.
Hi Karen thanks for writing I am glad church is helping you. I get a lot out of going we need to go. I will encourage him to go with me. the sadness and the thoughts of loss and everything are overwhelming this site is a sad site also but at least we all have someterrible in common. i don't want to be here as you don't we are in ky where are you Carrie L
Hi Karen,its early Sunday morning and I sit in front of my computer thinking of all the things I could be sad about and how I couldn't go on but it was me coming to grips with the fact that my little world had closed in on me real fast and everything stopped and I thought life would never be tha same and it hasn't,there are always those who don't care as much as I do,so what! They could never imagine in 1000 yrs.the pain & heartache I feel and no one can never imagine the pain and heartache you feel day by day but that pain channeled in the right direction will get you farther than the all the misunderstanding other people have as they see you walking on a road that many dare to travel where the paths are narrow and the grasss is high and the road is long and the nights are long but through it all you're not traveling alone because as you can see there are many on this road and not all of us go out for a walk at the same time but walk we do,so when you come out for your daily walk just know that you're not out here all alone even as some might not say a word but they are out here on this road every day and every night for many have chosen the silent pattern while they listen at us talk they know that it is their story too that comes into view as we walk so you and I can go on for we have so many others on this road that will pick us up if we stumble along the way so don't give up for there is a helping hand to lift you up on this long road.So I say to you karen someone is listening to our story and wondering how can they tell you their story because you're strength for me and others on this road,but we're going to make it one step at a time.
even though we dont know each other, we are held tight by a special bond. its been 9 months, i still cannot believe my son, dusty is gone. i wonder if i will ever be whole or make it. we also, were special friends in that he was my only child and his own dad rejected him from the start. i was his mom and dad and i tried all his life to make him happy. i spoiled him , maybe too much, but i am very glad i did now. his birthday is coming up and i just cant figure out what to do. when i think about it i just break into tears. he would be 26.
thanks for your sweet notes.
Hi Karen,anytime you can comment on my wall and I'll respond,sometimes I don't get on for a few days but I'll see it soon but I'm checking more now because I've made friends with many and I love trying to lend my heart to others as I know God has a special place in the hearts of all that grace this site and share their most hear felt sentiments and we all feed each other with the strength we've found speaking about the love of our lives and the pain and void that's left with their deparing this life,but look up Karen Heaven has reached out and caught your hand as this is a great step to allow God to lift the heavy load you have on your shoulders,so please stay close to the Lord and if there is anything I can do help you along the way in your walk with the Lord please ask,I love the word and sharing it is a joy for me as you can see.This is a great start then for you as you have moved forward in your life and may hear this word:The Lord will keep you in perfect peace whenyou keep your mind stayed on him.(Isa.26:3)Be Blessed your friend and brother in Christ. There is joy in heaven when one gives thier life to Christ (Luke 15:10)