No, it isn't you. What I can tell you is this, don't "look" for Joel -- he is there with you. During the initial shock of the death we try too hard to find something that will give us a sign that the person is nearby because we miss them so very much and are in denial that they are not here anymore. When we do that we actually miss the signs they are leaving for us. It is natural to "look" for a sign and in time you will relax more and the signs will appear out of nowhere and at the strangest times! I get little clues every day now. It took me about 6 months to stop "looking" for that special sign that my Douglas is still here spiritually. The feathers, Nancy, the feathers are my sign that Douglas is here with me. He has new wings and is undoubtedly flapping them around and losing feathers to let me know that he is watching over me. He has helped me find my keys on numerous occasions (I was and still am losing keys), he has helped me with direction while driving around parts unknown, and I start to feel depressed something unusual and funny happens to snap me out of that. What you are going through is natural and painful. God does not give us anything we cannot endure, Nancy. Remember that and as each day goes by you will become more able to understand the "why" and move forward. Take your memories of Joel with you. You will never forget him and there is a special love for him that only you know. I have that same special love for Douglas and that is something no one can take from me -- not even his death! Write to me anytime. I will be thinking of you and wishing you the very best -- always!
Thank you guys for all talking to me and caring. It helpds me so much to hear your thoghts. I am hurting so much and it really helps to have some new friends who "get it!" I have so much to take care of now, and the paperwork is mounting and that is something I seem to not want to tackle but need to. One thing at a time right? I know. just so hard to concentrate on anything...let alone paperwork! I hate paperwork. Joel always did this stuff.
This message is for everyone here at Grief Support. I just wantto say "Thank you so much for leaving me such wonderful messages of support and advice and it really helps to have friends who have "been there' and are going through it. Keep talking to me and eventually I will talk more back. I have alot of love and friendship to give....Just having such a hard time right now as you all know how it is. I loved being married to Joel so much...it's hard to imagine ever being with anyone else again after such a truely wonderful, giving, adorable, fun and sweet guy as my Joel was. He was the greatest guy I've ever known. I miss all the years we could've had together and all the thgings we were going to do together and it's hard doing things alone now after having known such a wonderful man. Yes, I am thankful for the years we had, but it's never enough...no matter how short...or how long. Love, blessings and hugs to you all.
I'm so sorry! It always seems to happen that way! Everybody is around you at the time! After all is said and done, one by one leaves you by yourself! Phillip's dad's side, I never hear from! The only Aunt on that side that I was close to, died about month and a half after him! We consoled each other because she lost her husband one day shy of Phillip's death a year ago! So that was about the only connection I had on that side! You can always talk to me if you need! It is very painful whether it's 4yrs or 24yrs!