David's Comments

Comment Wall (60 comments)

You need to be a member of LegacyConnect to add comments!

Join LegacyConnect

At 7:25pm on May 31, 2015, Barbara Rieger said…

Hi David,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your dear precious wife of 28 years.I saw your name and clicked on it because I thought it was posted by David Bernie's father. When I began reading on your wall I realized that you were a different David. However, the reason I am posting this to you is because my only child/son Joe was on his motorcycle on 4/4/2010 driving home to where he lived with my mother who didn't come to dinner on that Easter Sunday. On 4/5/2010 a couple of young and nice police officers came to our door to inform us about the passing of our precious son Joe who was 42 years old at the time when the drunk driver was careless and hit Joe. I learned last year that my ex-husband my son Joe's  biological father passed away just 5 weeks after Joe. My husband of 43 years adopted Joe not too long after we were married. He had wanted to adopt Joe because he was only about 4 1/2 years old when Bill and I were married.

You're right the key to helping self is by helping others. It's good therapy and I thought I'd connect with you because we both lost a very precious loved one on the same month, day and year. You have said something to help me because unfortunately we identify. It's important to identify with others in one way or another. Keep gardening as my husband now does the gardening. I belong to a garden club in my town and I'm membership chair, publicity chair I write articles and take photos then place in local newspapers and this year I'm vice-president. It keeps me busy like today I went for a couple of hours to a historical towne in the town I live. Our garden club members take care of the medicinal herbal garden behind a 3rd generation doctor gave it to the towne called East Jersey Olde Towne in New Jersey. They had their first annual history day. Most groups were from the Historical Society from neighboring towns. By the way you don't have to worry about helping others because you are doing that simply by posting here. Talk about your situation to as many people that are willing to lend an ear. If you want to feel sorry for yourself it's okay. Don't worry about it! OOps I just realized you wrote the post that I'm responding to 5 years later.

At 5:52pm on September 9, 2012, didi said…

You seem to be in a good place, hope I can there one day too.

God bless

At 3:39am on August 5, 2012, Marsha H said…
Hey there David ... Great hearing from you. Firstly, how are YOU doing?

Things are slightly better than last year when Ernie passed away, but I miss him so much and probably always will. I am seeing mostly girlfriends even though I have been asked out by a 41 year old single man who is a neighbor and I had to laugh and told him I was old enough to be his mother; keeping busy in the garden; fixing things inside/outside of the house so I just slump into bed dead beat. Time does heal and I'm blessed with good friends such as you and others on this forum and also friends and neighbors here. Already people are trying to get me to date again (who may I ask? LOL) It is much harder for women to meet men I think, but, I'm not ready for that right now.

I have one more mountain to climb (I hope.) I am having surgery August 10th and scared to death! They say that often long-term caregivers often get ill themselves once their loved one passes. I have my small family (no children) but my brother and his family and many friends here for support and they are almost as anxious as I am over the surgery. The tough thing about it is I am going to the same hospital I use to visit Ernie in for so long and where he was dying and even when I went for pre-op I felt I was living that nightmare all over again. I almost felt for awhile I could go to the second floor of that hospital and see Ernie there and then I came back to reality. I think this is all part of my anxiousness about the surgery and the misery poor Ernie went through although my problem (female problems) is not near what he had to go through with his pancreatic/liver cancer. I pray every single night I will be OK and that I will have some sort of a future with some happiness. Seems like many on here I have been climbing one mountain after the other and I'm getting soul weary.

Still, I do keep busy. My two dogs are a delight to have around and I see my family and friends quite often. It gives me pleasure to work in the garden and see what I've planted grow. Right now we are going through a heat wave and although it is not as hot as Toronto we go from about 55 - 60 degrees to well over 90 in less then 24 hours and not a breeze to be had. It is too hard on people to take that sudden heat, so on Saturday I didn't even venture outside and stayed in my air-conditioned house. Later watered the gardens and let the dogs have a run outside as it was too hot to take them to the dyke. Tomorrow is suppose to be the same heat with high humidity and then it will start to taper off to more reasonable temperatures. Thank the good Lord!

Hope you are having a great weekend my friend.

Hugs
Marcy
At 4:57am on August 4, 2012, Marsha H said…
Well hire there David ... No, sorry, didn't get your message. Had difficulties leaving you a message and didn't think it went through, but can see it did several times.

Of course I wouldn't forget you and think of you often as you have kindly encouraged me through some very rough moments since my Ernie's passing even though you were going through tough times yourself and that means a lot to me. Just wanted to be sure things were going a little better for you.

Hugs
Marcy
At 3:28pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 3:28pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 3:28pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 3:27pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 3:27pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 7:52am on October 24, 2011, Christy said…

Congratulations David on having the courage to move forward with your life & I wish you the best in your new relationship.

God Bless~ Christy

At 9:37pm on August 17, 2011, Marsha H said…

Thank you David.  It's so very thoughtful of you. I can't remember if I left my person email address to you as I need to ask for your pearls of wisdom.  I'd appreciate it.  Maday1@shaw.ca

 

God Bless

Marcy

At 4:54am on August 13, 2011, Marsha H said…

Hi David ... glad you had a good time at the beach with your two big buddies.  Ha, ha.  I had commented to your other post 3 times and each time I got something like 'unsuitable language' and of course there was nothing like that in my post to you so it's a blip in the system. 

I was amazed I got through Ernie's and my anniversary with a smile and a feeling of peace.  I was amazed!  My sister-in-law Donna came over later in the evening and we had a great time.  I love walking the dogs by the river and try to do so at that special time of night when the sun is just setting and everything turns to gold.  I am always in awe of that. 

I saw the moon and sure wish I could take my dogs to a beach, but our river beaches here are not safe for a woman alone and my male dog Booker T who is 3 1/2year old and is a 17 lb. cockapoo, but thinks he's a Pitt Bull.  My female Tootsie is 5 1/2 years old and 23 lbs., and would lick the face off of a mugger, so that pretty much leaves me defenseless.  I could see the moon from my front window and it's gorgeous.  Hope you and your furry partners had a good time going back to the beach.

You take care too and again, thank you for getting me through another rough time. 

Marcy

At 7:23pm on August 12, 2011, Marsha H said…

Hi Dave ...

What a wonderful idea going down to the beach for a glass a wine and to be near your dear wife.  You seem to enjoy the same time of peaceful evenings I do (just when the sun is about to go down.)  Thank you for the prayer and I certainly appreciate it.  There is something to be said about the ocean that is soothing and brings us closer to God.  Thank you and yes, my dear sister-in-law Donna is coming over this evening and we are taking the dogs for a walk on the dike where my dear Ernie and I use to walk with the dogs.  I go at the same time as you do ... just as the sun is setting because I feel so peaceful watching the beauty of it for some reason.  I will say a prayer for you as well and hope that you find total peace and comfort.  We are both so blessed to have such wonderful spouses and although difficult we should go on in their memory and I hope I am as strong as you are once I get over this first year of special occasions.  I do talk to Ernie everywhere (silently when out of course) but speak out loud at home.  I am not doing too badly so far and trying to keep my spirits up.  Have your quiet time at the beach to be with your beloved wife.  She is there as I am sure Ernie is near to me.

God Bless

Marcy

At 6:42pm on August 12, 2011, Marsha H said…

Dave ... thank you again for your kind and up-lifting words. Today, August 12th is Ernie and my 39th wedding anniversary.  Crazy or not I did buy an anniversary card and wrote what I always have inside the card and then sealed it up and put it on the top of his box of ashes.  I wasn't going to let our 39th anniversary slide by.  Like your sweet wife Dave, Ernie was my rock; was kind and wonderful and those are all the things I miss just like the rest of us here miss in their spouses.  I am trying to get over today, but had a phone call from a friend (knowing full well I was not up to talking much) telling me of two of their friends who I don't know dying of cancer and I felt angry inside.  I just wanted some peace for one day to think of the beautiful memories.  I was polite to my friend, but cut the conversation short.  I do not mind letting a friend tell me of someone in their family who is very ill or dying, but I certainly don't need to hear about people I don't know right now.  I know I sound selfish, but it's the way I feel. This blasted cancer seems to be getting worse rather than better and it does scare the best of us. 

My head is still somewhat in a fog and I will have to figure out what I would like to volunteer at and then perhaps in the Fall I will give it a shot and at least get my mind off myself and get me out of the house.  Like you I am looking after Ernie's and my two dogs and a cat and they are of great comfort. 

Thanks once again Dave.  I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

 

Blessings

Marcy

At 3:27am on August 11, 2011, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

I guess I am feeling sorry for myself as my beloved Ernie and I would be celebrating our 39th wedding anniversary this coming Friday and although I am trying to look on it in a positive way I know this first year is going to be a humdinger for me and I am sure others here can relate.  Every occasion was special to us whether we went out to celebrate or just stayed home and had a romantic evening.  I am trying to think of things to do on that day, but I think the pain will still be very much in my heart.  I agree about looking at calm waters and try my best, but those special occasions crop up and it's going to be a rough ride.  I appreciate your wise comments and hope soon that I am a bit more together to try and get out of the house more and perhaps work part-time or volunteer, but I've been told it is too early yet and I agree.  I pray a lot that some how I will get through this first tragic year and if I could give out awards for bravery I would give one to all of you here that have survived the first years and some who have survived several years.

Blessings

Marcy

At 4:08am on August 10, 2011, Marsha H said…

You are welcome David.  How true the currents take is in different directions, but those of us grieving all end up in the same place even though we may live our lives differently.  The past two days have been rough ones for me (no energy ... just sitting around) but hopefully tomorrow I will get moving once again.  Those 'waves' keep lapping at the bow of my boat.

Thanks for always being there David and I hope I can return the favor to you soon.


Hugs

Marcy

At 3:30am on August 9, 2011, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Thank you once again for your wise comments.  I know it isn't easier for widowers either.  I have had some blessings so far that I cherish with all my heart, but struggle throughout the week and then dread weekends (so far so good) with girlfriends coming to visit me; taking the dogs for a walk, etc., but that can't go on forever.  I do get out into stores just to be around other people, but find it makes me feel lonelier.  I do have my cries at the strangest of times. I am all for helping others.  I wish I was not as old as I am so I could get some training for the Hospice Centers here and help bring in extra income which I need.  It is difficult because the widows pension is not that great.  I am blessed to own my own small home out-right, but it does cost to get a handyman in to help keep the outside of the house up to par (nothing fancy, just things that need fixing.)  I never realized just how much my beloved husband did around the outside of the house or in the house.  Being a woman I can get very frustrated at times when I need to lift something too heavy or have something fixed that I know my husband could have fixed. I suppose it all boils down to surviving the best we can and of course that surge of our own mortality can rear it's ugly head at times. The loneliness is the hardest part.  I am sure you have had your moments and I read on this forum that men deal with grieving differently than women, but they do grieve and cope the best way they know how.

Hang in there David and we're all here for you to lean on.

 

Marcy

At 6:18am on August 5, 2011, Christy said…

thinking of you today David & thank you for your encouraging words~

Christy

At 3:32am on August 4, 2011, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

You are a true angel being here for us all.  'One is a lonely number', but this wonderful group that is here makes 'a crowd' so none of us are truly alone.  I for one appreciate your efforts in holding me steady when I think I'm going to lose it and giving me the courage to go on.

Hugs & Kisses and a special prayer your way.

Marcy

At 3:32am on August 4, 2011, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

You are a true angel being here for us all.  'One is a lonely number', but this wonderful group that is here makes 'a crowd' so none of us are truly alone.  I for one appreciate your efforts in holding me steady when I think I'm going to lose it and giving me the courage to go on.

Hugs & Kisses and a special prayer your way.

Marcy

Latest Conversations

Steve G. commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
5 hours ago
deborah peck commented on Steve Cain's group Bereaved Spouses
7 hours ago
Mariann is now a member of LegacyConnect
yesterday
Jeanette McSherry posted a blog post
Monday

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2019   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service