Leia Wright's Comments

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At 8:02am on October 29, 2010, Debbie Treadway said…
Leia, well tomorrow will be another one of those firsts. We would have been married for 39 years. I am dreading it already but am going to spend it with family for a kids party so I hope that will help some. I am still dealing with the guilt of enjoying things without him, but I do know that he would not want me to be sad the rest of my life. Saw his headstone for the first time this week so that was a very emotional time. I do understand why you had to move to another place.I don't think people realize not only does our life change when we lose our husbands but also our finances. I had to sell Waymon's truck and his ATV because I just couldn't afford the notes on them. I am very blessed that we built the house I live in and it is on property that I inherited from my mother. So that was one worry that I did not have. Although everything there remindes me of Waymon because we bulit and did everything together. Some of the days are getting easier so I know there is hope that life will get better. Please say a prayer for me tomorrow. Please stay in touch.
At 1:40pm on October 24, 2010, Debbie Treadway said…
Leia, We do share a terrible day, but it sounds like your Don was a wonderful man. I have a lot of trouble dealing with not being a caregiver anymore. For so many years that was my main purpose in life and it is so hard not being able to do that. I am blessed with good health and am able to work so that does take up my time during the day. I also have my daughter and son-in-law with me so at least I am not all alone when I am at home. I do miss my Waymon so much and am just taking this one day at a time. Some days are okay and others are just terrible. I hope that with time this will get better and that I can get rid of the guilty feelings I have about enjoying any part of life knowing that my precious Waymon is gone. Maybe you can help me to know if things will ever get better since you are a little farther into this journey of grief than I am. Please keep in touch.
At 9:12pm on October 22, 2010, tyresaadair said…
I do not know .Sometimes I feel hospice was the right thing for Joe ,during it all I was not very comfortable with them.I do not understand the not keeping the same nurse for the same patients.How would they get to know Joe if they changed all the time.?I also felt they were trying not to get too close to their patients.I do not know how many times I caught the wrong meds in his pill box.I'm glad that Joe got to stay home but I do not feel his care was the best.
At 9:12pm on October 22, 2010, tyresaadair said…
I do not know .Sometimes I feel hospice was the right thing for Joe ,during it all I was not very comfortable with them.I do not understand the not keeping the same nurse for the same patients.How would they get to know Joe if they changed all the time.?I also felt they were trying not to get too close to their patients.I do not know how many times I caught the wrong meds in his pill box.I'm glad that Joe got to stay home but I do not feel his care was the best.
At 9:39am on October 19, 2010, tyresaadair said…
Hey Leia,I too had hospice for my Joe.I was not completely happy with them either.I get a lil upset when I remember that day.The LPN came over and assessed him,Joe had begun swelling more and more in the past few weeks.All he had to say was he seems to be retaining fluid in his stomach.4 hrs later My Joe was dead of CHF and now hospice believes his kidneys failed.The day before I called them because his fingers were grotesquely deformed.All I got was do you want us to come out. ?It was a sun. and I was doing what the charge nurse asked me to do.I felt it was their decision not mines.They never came.The charge nurse had been on vacation when Joe started all this swelling.When she came back an d took one look at Joe ,she immediately called this LPN.She asked why she was not informed of his swelling?Joe and I were not comfortable with this particular LPN and had requested that only a certain one come by.The charge nurse knew of this.I never liked the fact that the nurses changed everyday.You never knew who you were getting.Well we never got to see the nurse Joe preferred again.I know that Joe preferences would have caught the swelling and done more for Joe. That nurse was caring and took his job seriously.The day Joe died .I called to tell hospice that he lost consciousness .It took that nurse 30 mins to get here .The charge nurse kept calling to see if he made it yet.In every situation I had with hospice I felt they let me down.I have my doubts on whether I did right by not switching his hospice provider.
At 8:27am on October 16, 2010, Kathy King Kates said…
Sounds like you did a great thing dispersing the ashes at the ball field. My dear Bill is scattered right here on our horse ranch as he wanted to be with his horses he loved so much. It feels good knowing I did exactly as he wished in those final events. Enjoy those grandchildren and make lots of wonderful memories. It is what sustains us through these terrible days. Many hugs Leia
At 7:30pm on September 11, 2010, Leia Wright said…
I agree Suzanne. I cannot imagine your pain being married such a short time.
At least I had Don for 36 years. We were able to travel a lot and see our grandchildren often. I have a lot of great memories. That helps me get through.
Remember to take care of yourself. Your children need you!
Take care, Leia
At 1:10am on September 11, 2010, suzanne green said…
speaking of stupid phrases i get told is that everything happens for a reason...i would like to know what the reason is, i cant come up with a single one. we were married 3wks b4 he passd.he had burkitts lymphoma...very aggressive. he went n2the room walking/talking/joking...just seemd to be a lil more confused than what i'd seen. next day, mida.m., his teeth were clenched, eyes shut, moans/groans was his new language/left side went limp and startered turning inwards. got his MRI done, finally. he was dead a day later. it never crossed my mind that he wasnt coming home one more time.u should have seen the shock/pain/surprized look i had to watch...then here came the tears...big ol crocdile tears. i have a seven yr old and a one year also
At 1:10am on September 11, 2010, suzanne green said…
speaking of stupid phrases i get told is that everything happens for a reason...i would like to know what the reason is, i cant come up with a single one. we were married 3wks b4 he passd.he had burkitts lymphoma...very aggressive. he went n2the room walking/talking/joking...just seemd to be a lil more confused than what i'd seen. next day, mida.m., his teeth were clenched, eyes shut, moans/groans was his new language/left side went limp and startered turning inwards. got his MRI done, finally. he was dead a day later. it never crossed my mind that he wasnt coming home one more time.u should have seen the shock/pain/surprized look i had to watch...then here came the tears...big ol crocdile tears. i have a seven yr old and a one year also
At 3:46pm on August 9, 2010, Leia Wright said…
Thanks, Deborah. I appreciate all the kind thoughts. Spreading of the ashes went well. I fell apart at the ballpark where we dispersed the ashes. But quickly got lots of support. The "boys"
were wonderful. My grandson ran the bases and dug in the dirt! He had a ball. He had no idea what was going on. That was good actually. Uncle Dan tried to outrun the kids and fell on his back side! LOL We took pictures of all of us by the backstop. Don always played catcher so that was why we put the ashes behind home plate. Then we picked up some chicken and side dishes, plates, silverware and soda and went on a picnic down by Lake Michigan. More digging in dirt for Gabe!! I loved just sitting back and watching all the interaction between the kids! I loved it and I know Don was watching and very happy to see what was going on! The night before everyone stayed at my house. That was so great to see all the kids,big and little, playing together and laughing! I got lots of pix. Don would be so happy! I cried that night but those were happy tears. I kept some of the ashes for myself. I just could not give them all up.
I will keep them in the wooden urn in my bedroom. I miss him immensely but am beginning to realize I am going to live and be able to go on. I don't like it, but this is my life now. I am loving having the grandkids here. Naomi comforted me the evening after we did the ashes. She knew I was sad and wanted me to know Papa would always be with us in our hearts and we have a lot of special memories. I was touched by her concern and surprised by the depth of her understanding. Love both of the grandkids dearly!
I'll write later and tell you all how the rest of the week is going. I am just glad to realize that I am going to be able to go on. There is hope for all of us!
At 7:52pm on August 7, 2010, deborah diggs said…
Thinking of you so much this weekend. I believe that we are all one, regardless of our earthly, physical ,differences,,knowing that,I can truthfully say, I send you loving thoughts today. May you feel peace and lightness today. I hope you were able to enjoy those grandkids!!!!!!!!! \

Debbie
At 10:17pm on August 4, 2010, deborah diggs said…
Hi Leia,
Glad to hear about the cleaning. I am happy you have the kids coming in ...It will be hard, I know, but so very important. My husband and I talked of cremation before he became sick, it was more of a financial decision, but when he died, his body had gone through so much already, I made a way to pay for a funeral. It was a personal choice, I still would like to have it done for myself and possibly be scattered over his grave. (if that is allowed). I did what felt right at the time, but now I cant stop thinking of him lying there undergound. My dear husband. Sometimes i can't shake the image out of my head. I have a broken heart. Tonight,no rationale is working for me. In my head I know I will be alright, but my heart speaks and says something different. In the beginning, being around people seemed to help, and staying busy seemed to help. Now this last week, no one can fix this .I think I 'm at the place called acceptance. I think this is where we finally accept they are gone,and nothing anyone can do or say will make it better. this is it. Our anniversay came and no flowers came and no invitations to dinner came, no card placed gently on my pillow, no corny song in my ear to wake me up....No loving smiles, no hugs , no nothing. I am away from him and he is forever away from me. Now the harder work begins. Thank God for this site.
At 10:11pm on August 2, 2010, deborah diggs said…
Leia, I'm glad you are doing it a little bit at atime,,,sounds like you are making strides. I am glad that you have a great daughter-in -law. Whenever I go to visit my Dad which is usually when I am on vacation, I know part of it is a working vacation. He lives alone, and is capable of taking care of himself, but the house always needs a bit of deep cleaning...I go intothe vaqcation knowing the first couple of days will be cleaning, its cool...really. I dont mind at all. I still have plenty of time for vacation. If I wanted to just relax,Id go to the Bahamas.LOL. Your daughter-in law sounds sweet. My husband and i did not have children, so this is truly wonderful that you have this. You will be in my prayers Leia. When you scatter the ashes, you will find that you have garnered new strength in dealing with the loss. It will put you in a new place emotionally. Prayers to you .
At 11:49pm on July 31, 2010, deborah diggs said…
Leia, I also read widow to widow,,it was and still is helpful...
At 11:47pm on July 31, 2010, deborah diggs said…
Dear Leia,
i lost my husband 4 and 1/2 moths ago, it is still very very fresh. I have days when I feel social,and days when I do not feel social at all. Sometimes,like right now,the depression gets really bad, and I just wade through it, but I do beleive in allowing medicine to help me keep body and soul together, Thats a personal decision, but it does help. I, too ,go through periods of just sitting. This weekend, was my anniversay weekend, and it has crushed me. His birthday was 12 days ago, and our family reunions re also in this month, SO july has been just wretched. I wouldn't worry so much about the house being cleaned. If you can round up some help then do that . Try doing one or two tasks at a time. One day or evening get the room ready for them. Then another day, make sure there are enough clean towels ,lines etc, for them and then put those items in the room they will be using, so they are not dirtied again. Let your son and his family do the food shopping when they arrive, and if you feel you must have something ready when they arrive, pull out the crock pot and make a nice hearty soup or stew,with some nice bread,,and VOILA,,,first day handled... I know I am telling you stuff you alreay know ,but when we are hurting we sometimes we cannot see the obvious. Do you belong to a church or other group, if so ask someone to help you get things done. You are still healing, your family will understand. Something that cheered me up a little, I rearranged the furniture in my living room and bought a couple of new bedsets for myself. Something as small as that can shift the energy of a room. Be easy with yourself....Get the house together little by little and what doesnt get done , simply doesnt get done,,Things have changed and you cannnot be expected to be the same.
Lovingly,
Debbie D
At 3:39am on July 19, 2010, Dixie Olson said…
Leia: I can relate to you, my husband died in Aug and his name was Don. I have been to hell and back and I can now say after six years I have healed. I was like you, didnt go anywhere, didnt eat, or shower, put on alot of weight. My friends left me like I had a really bad flu that they could catch, so unfair of them. But friends and family sometimes get the feeling you want to be alone and deal with your grief alone, so far from the truth! On our wedding ann, I go to a casino(nov 3rd) and I get a nice room, an so playing slots keeps my mind off of that day. Im happy to hear your on your way to healing, It will get better, we will never "forget" our loved one no how many years go by.God Bless
At 3:40pm on July 16, 2010, Leia Wright said…
I am sitting here feeling guiltly, sad, lonely and don't know what to do. I just turned down going out with my girlfriend because I just can't leave the house. I am going out less and less. I just don't want to be with people anymore. I only feel safe at home. I don't know what I feel "safe" from. I cannot explain it. I go out every few days when I have to. I am not doing anything at home either. I just sit. I have a lot of things I should be doing, but cannot bring myself to do them.My son and his family are coming to visit in three weeks and need to get everything ready. I can't even seem to force myself to do that! If anyone has any suggestions to help me let me know.
At 11:59pm on July 7, 2010, Leia Wright said…
Randolph,
I read a book that really helped me: "Widow to Widow". I'm sure there are some books for widowers also. My kids are not close either. One lives across the state and the other (with grandkids) lives nine hours away. We talk on the phone regularly but it's not the same. I am alone also. Nights are the worst. I hate going to bed! I stay up until 3AM regularly. I also look around and see my husband in pictures and objects around the house. I have wonderful memories. We were fortunate enough to be able to travel a lot. All those memories help me. The last couple of years were rough, he was in a nursing home the last year of his life. He was unable to do much on his own. I spent most of every day there. He didn't talk much, but it was good to be together.
I would knit as I sat by him. So now, I don't knit. I just haven't been able to bring myself to. And I loved to knit before. It's amazing how the human mind works! Not always in good ways either. I am also down. I also have panic attacks sometimes. I am lucky enough to have good friends that have kept contact. They drag me out occasionally. I also do get out every Thursday. A group of us meet at our local Barnes and Noble and play Scrabble on Thursdays. We just play for fun. More social time than true competition. But, it gets me out of the house.
Please, take care of yourself and don't give up hope. There are probably a lot more people who care about you than you know. Keep in touch.
Maybe if you don't feel any better soon you should contact your family doctor. They might be able to suggest a counselor. I just don't want you to feel so hopeless.
Leia
At 9:22pm on July 7, 2010, Randolph L. Schrader said…
Hi Leia, thank you for caring. I am not close with all my kids and g-kids.Its not the same without my wife. The kids have their families,problems,jobs, and they are making their own history.I just dont have anyone to relate to. I dont fit in anywhere. Their is only sadness everywhere I look because everyone is with someone, except me.I am alone. I'll be ok as I will just go thru the motions.It would be nice to laugh or have some fun though,wouldnt it?Will never have that again. I am relly down now so will end this posting. Hugs to you. Hugs are good.
At 12:36am on July 7, 2010, Randolph L. Schrader said…
Thank you Leia. Being alone is not very good now. My wife was my pal too. Yey, I know the feeling about not getting to invited anywhere.I say to them what my feelings are. The answer is always "I know". Thats is far as it goes and I can tell they change the subject. Only we can try to bear the burden and figure it out. I personally cant do it and I am bad at handling things by myself.I dont have my wife to balance things out, She had a knack of putting things into perspective. Its just me now and I suck at it.I tend to jump right into everything without thinking.Oh well, I will to continue to live like a zombie and go thru my useless and empty life alone. Just waiting to be with my wife, God willing. I know its a terrible thing to not want to live, but I have nothing to live for and be a man like I used to be. Hugs to you. Hugs are good.

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