Thanks Tami for reaching out. I lost my husband in 2010 and now my 26 yr old daughter has taken her own life. Most days I cry everyday, all day. I have a grief counselor a psychiatrist and a grief group. I'm on my third anti-depression mimed. None have worked. I feel most of the time like I want to die now too but my only other child, my son would be left with no one so I'll wait for my turn to come. I wish I could see her one more time to tell her how much she meant to me. She was the joy of my life and now it's like I'm only a third of a human. Why is g-d punishing me.

Hi Vicky, I'm sorry you had to join our group "Loss of a child" but I'm glad you found us, I hope you can reach out and get some help, you can always email me privately

Atonsgirl@aol.com

Hugs
Tami

Good, thank you for asking.
Cyber hugs and enjoy your day. Ok

Hi Vicky,

Its been awhile since I last wrote to you. I'm sorry about that. I hope you are doing ok. Its very hard for me at times to come onto this site because it really makes me sad to hear everyone's story. It brings so much of my own pain to the surface and I am trying so hard to bury it the best I can. I am so dreading Xmas this year. Not only is my husband gone, but my son moved out about 5 months ago so waking up all alone on Christmas is going to be very hard. I'm still very lost without Jerry but am making the best of things. I hope things are getting better for you. Even though I do not write to you often I do think about you.

Vicky,

Things have not been so good lately. Not only is the 1 year anniversary of Jerry's death approaching, my friends 8 year old son passed away this morning. He stopped breathing sometime during the night. Life is so cruel. The death of his son brought out so much of my own pain.

I'm happy you are going back to school for your Master. For me, keeping busy helps with the grief process. I know what you mean when you say you are ready to leave your house. Part of me is ready to leave, but the other half isn't. Sometimes the memories can be too much to handle. I still can't get through a photo album without breaking down.

Take Care

Vicky, so glad you read my comment. I just have started getting dressed everyday. Neal passed away 5 months ago tomorrow. I have been so depressed and along with my grief, I did not think I could go on any longer. If it were not for my doctor changing me for the 3rd time to a different antidepressant I do not know what I would do. This last change seems to work some. At least now I can get dressed.

 

Neal and I were married for 40 years and I am just totally lost without him. There are not words to describe how much I miss him. I wish we could all wake up from this terrible nitemare. HUGS

vicky  i sent you messages trying my best to answer  the questions you had . i hope it helped . david

vicky  i sent you messages trying my best to answer  the questions you had . i hope it helped . david

hope things are better for you. david

Hey Vicky,

Just checking in with you to see how you are doing? February was a rough month for me. With Valentines Day and then Jerrys birthday 3 days later, I kind of fell apart. I wanted to die so bad just so I could be with him. I am doing better so far in March. Grieving is hard. One day I am ok the next I can cry at the drop of a hat. I still can't look at Jerrys pictures without breaking down. I can't believe he has been gone 9 months already. My life doesn't seem to have meaning without him. I hope things are getting a little better for you. (hugs)

 

Hi Vicky
Just checking in to see how you are doing. I have been busy with work, but when I come home to an empty house it really tears me up. I really hate being alone. I can't even imagine feeling like this for another 40 years or so. I guess we can onlyy take it one day at a time, although some days I wish I wouldn't wake up. I am truely dreading the winter and the holidays and do not know how I am going to get through them.

Hey Vicky
I am ok for the minute. Breaking down is understandable, I still do. Today was a hard day for me. I cried a lot. I just sat here and thought wow I will never feel my husbands arms around me again and it really depressed me. Life really sucks. I know I should be greatful that I am still alive, but sometimes I'm not. I yearn to be with my husband. I have been trying to get out more and visit family. It does help a little. Other days I just want to be home. Good and bad days I guess. We just have to take each day as it comes and ask God to help us through this. Its about all we can do. (hugs)

Hey Vicky
I am ok for the minute. Breaking down is understandable, I still do. Today was a hard day for me. I cried a lot. I just sat here and thought wow I will never feel my husbands arms around me again and it really depressed me. Life really sucks. I know I should be greatful that I am still alive, but sometimes I'm not. I yearn to be with my husband. I have been trying to get out more and visit family. It does help a little. Other days I just want to be home. Good and bad days I guess. We just have to take each day as it comes and ask God to help us through this. Its about all we can do. (hugs)

Hi Vicky,
I was thinking about you and just wanted to say hello. I hope you are doing ok. I am still hurting pretty bad. Just trying to get through each day as it comes even though it is very hard.

Hi Vicky,
I too ask God Why all the time and what I did to deserve this. Am I that bad of a person. I am so sorry for what you are going through, believe me I understand. Not only have I lost my Husband, but I am going to lose our home and all of our pets as well. I will probably lose my job as well since I took another leave the other day. People say I was blessed to have the kind of love Jerry and I had and to have it for 20 years and I agree, however I am greedy and wanted another 20 years. I don't even like to be around any of my friends or family because I am so depressed and feel like I am depressing them as well. I am glad I found this site because I know the people here truely understand what I am going through and it lets me get out my feelings without someone thinking you need to move on and get over it. I am not ready to move on and don't think I ever will be.
Kim

Hi Vicky -
I'm so sorry. My husband died in December from Hepatitis C also. He also had pneumonia and MRSA. We were married 26 yrs but had been together about 31. I also have 2 children in college - and another in HS. Seems we have a lot in common. I actually haven't been on this site for quite a while - then I went on tonite and your message was the first I saw. I also go on a website called dailystrength.com. Going on these websites is helpful. Take Care. Marilyn

Vicky my e-mail is krazy4dolls@aol.com my husband and I were together 32 yrs. also Virginia

Hi Vicky I to am so sorry for your loss. It was a year ago on 4-29 for me and the pain is stll so bad I cry daily for him.I woke at 4:30 this am. the tears started right away before I could even get out of bed. You must do what is right for you at the moment, people think they are well meaning ,but unless they have walked in your shoes they don't have a clue. My mike had emphysema for 10 years before he passed of a massive heart attack at home with only me here. I did cpr, he was on life support for 4 days then, I had to let him go he did not even want to be put on one it but I told him if it would give him a chance I would do it, but not as a way of life. Mike was a guy who thought if you can't get out and do something with your life there was no need to exist as he felt that was not living. even though he never woke and the Dr. said he was brain dead. he grabed my fingers and squezzed them so hard I was able to lift his arm way up off the bed two seprate times with him holding my fingers as if he was telling me to let him go. He had the heart attack on a sunday I said I would give him till friday well after he grabbed my fingers I let him go on wedensday. tuesday he really seemed to be agetated. the Dr said he couldn't hear us, if thats the case how did he do that. I then told my family you need to tell him it is ok to go. wow was that the hardest thing in the world to do I told him I loved him and even though I would miss hime I would be ok he seemed to settle down after that . N ow I tell him he needs to give me the strenth to carry on and I know he is watching over me. I know he is because when I get upset it doesn't last as long,but I'd give anything to have him back , so take it one minute, and day at a time, everyone means well but you need to tell them it is not about them it is about your needs right now that you know they want to help but to give you some space. I turn down all types of thing and never make plans ahead as I don't know how I'm going to feel from one minute to the next. may god and your husband give you the strenth that you need. you can e-mail me or go to my page anytime you want to I know it's hard to do but remembering the good times really do help. always virginia