Debbie ... I know today is going to very difficult for you. I am here if you need to talk. This is what I use to do ... I'd buy a helium balloon and write love messages on it to Ernie; go to a favorite place of ours and let it go up into the sky feeling like he was waiting to catch it.
You are in raw grief and everything you are going through is very normal so never fear you are going crazy or that this hell will never end because it does and when it does you'll be able to remember your sweetie and all the good memories with a lot less heartache. I know you think you will never get to that place of calm and acceptance, but it just takes time and all of us have been through it.
Praying for you and a big hug on this emotional day for you.