Tina, Off the subject of grief, but is your dog an English Bulldog? I can report that after nine months, I have finally noticed my husband is finally understanding my anger and frustrations, I experienced. We have been in counseling, and I thank God for the reprieve of how ugly our lives were going. Please let me know how your family is doing! Belinda
well my typing finger are acting up...Stress and grief are bad combo, but it seems that he is blessed to be married to a woman that feels his pain, and cares enough to read and verbalize what you see him experiencing. You are a dear. Let us know how you guys are doing. Warmly Belinda Rhodes
You are a very wise woman. Encourage your husband to continue his counseling, and do little things, a note, or a call, or just asking if he wants to talk to you about his loss. Stress and grief are a bad comb
Tina, may i ask the circumstances in which your mom in law passed? Was your hubby with her? Her illness? In a hospital or somewhere else? there are many details we hold in, and those can be harmful... It is true, once we've seen our loved ones go... many of us will never be the same person.. feels like part of us has left with them.. Hopefully with your great love and compassion, you will be able to support him. But, now, just for some info... i have NO fear in life anymore. Not after looking at death... am i different? OMG yes~~ peace dear, i pray things will turn around.
Thank you all for the support. I am trying to be patient and let time heal all. I am wondering if the grief he is exsperienceing, along with job stress has triggered a mid-life crises. I did some research and he has many symptoms of a crises. He will be 54 in September. He is seeing a counselor and he feels that my husband is in a fog and he will have to find his way out and may change when he does. I hope that he goes back to the man I married; very loving,caring and just a wonderful man. I will be here to love and support him at this time of need. I am a very patient women and I just need to know that things are going to get better with time. I just feel that there is so much more to this than just grief. My counselor feels that when you grieve, you don't push your wife away and become distant; you get closer than before. This is why I continue to believe that the loss of his mother has stirred other feelings and has put him into a crises of some sort. He said he feels nothing, (numb) and that is why he is not close to me any more. He is just a totally different man. So unbelievable! I will continue to pray for him and ask the good lord to help us through this tough time.
Peace and love to all of you. Keep the faith!
Reaction to grief varies. MEN will not talk. I encourage you to be strong, pray for him, and maybe when you think he might be open to suggestions, I would have him or the both of you to attend a Grief Seminar, and the awareness of talking to his wife, grieving together, etc., will work. I encourage you to go to different sites, for encouragement.
I would love to know the magic answer for grief, but there is not one. Sibblings, his relationship with his mom, is your father in law still alive???? Do you have any children, because your husband's grief is probably not anything they can understand. Please email me, carrugs@ aol.com, and mark subject LEGACY, I will stay in touch. This lovely lady who responded earlier, (white dove), has been like a sister to me. Tina, just know this group is non-judgemental, and welcome new members all the time. Keep in touch, and by the way if you ever figure out this site, how it works, let me know. I think I enrolled in January or Feb., 2010, and I can loose comments, cause errors, etc., so please be patient. May God bless you and your entire family and friends. I pray that God will lead you the way, to help your husband cope. It is so hard for me....I have all males in my family!
Be good to yourself, and remember time is your best friend right now, whether you like it or not. Warmly, Belinda
Hi Tina, I'm so glad to hear about the counseling. I think that each one of us grieves differently~ And the ones that hold it in.. well.. it does burst later.. in horrible ways. Maybe your hubby has some guilt.. and God only knows where it may stem from.. only he will, unless he feels very comfortable in talking. I did and still do.. alot of talking to my mom:) I felt her with us in spirit very strong for a long time.. now she's here less often:( so if your hubby is a religious or spiritual person he can talk to his mom now.. still...try some heart to heart chats in just listening. This may help too. Our strong bonds to our moms are sometimes felt Much more after they leave~ even if we had turmoil between us.. it sure doesnt change our emptiness. He will be very grateful later.. but now, probably feeling close to losing his mind. All part of it:( anxiety and depression is natural, but hopefully he can do talk therapy and get it out.
You are doing well in voicing your feelings here, there are some that will reply and are very empathetic:) Just read, reply and you will be amazed by some:) Gods Blessings to u dear*
Dear Tina, i am replying directly to u because of this sensitive issue. My ex fiancee was this exact way.. U see he had lost his wife.. i met him 5 months later. He was a mess. Went on and off anti depressants, drank, became very quiet, mean, vengful.. etc... he held it in!! But this happened months after~ We all have gone thru much after the loss of our loved ones so much so that we could NEVER have imagined what was going to hit us!! I continue to have problems and my mom passed on home hospice (my daughter and i being her care givers 24-7).. and she left us on 3-30-09. The counselors say: the majority of marital problems come from one feeling the other needs to mourn as much as they do! My suggestion is to let him mourn in what ever way he feels fit.. unless of course it can harm him or others.. and please promote more therapy for him!!!! There are many wonderful counselors all over.. for the very beginning and following up later. Would u be welcome to ever go with him? I made a major mistake (after a long time) of trying to block out his grief and anger.... i am praying he has found peace.. 5 years after i left him.... I pray this helps dear:) Prayers for all here!
My husband recently lost his mother on June 2ND, 2010. We did not exspect her to die even though she was in the hopital and not doing well. We were told it would take time but she would be OK. A week later they called and said she took a turn for the worse. After mom died, my husband closed down. He told me to back off and seemed very distant. I didn't know what was wrong and continued to try and support him. He has been so different and even said he wanted to be alone and was so cold. Is this normal and can greif cause a man of 54 to go into a mid-life crises of some sort? I am very concerned because he is still not himself and has distant himself from me. We have always shared a wonderful relationship and now it is strained. Does this seem like a natural grieving process or could this have turned into something else cause to mom's death? I love my husband dearly and want to do all I can to support him but don't know what to do.