Jan's Comments

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At 12:04pm on January 8, 2011, Cathy Pearly said…

Jan,  What amazing story.  Thank you for sharing. 

At 8:14pm on January 5, 2011, Lisa Halsey said…
Jan i have been reading your story iam sorry for the loss of your daughter Clara I too lost my beautiful son Daniel 2yrs ago Nov 16th 2008 in a car accident also he was texting and driving when he was killed your daughter is so beautiful she is probably with my son he knew know strangers all the girls loved him he was so loveable they called him their big teddy bear and body guard. I wish i knew who was there at the time of his accident he was away in college in a different state were he was a football player a great athealet.They called him a star i wish i knew who the people were who tryed to save my son i know they pulled him undernieth his blazer the detective said that Daniel was not alone they tryed to save him but it was to late he died instantly to a blow to the back of the head i just want to thank them for being there for my son i couldn't get to him his coach had to identify his body and i know that was hard for that man and i thanked him so much he said it was hard but i didn't want you to feel more pain looking at him that way but he did say he was viewable there are just a couple of scratches but that was it he was a big boy so when i saw my baby boy for the last time he looked so good like he was resting peacfully. I just want to know if he knew what was going on if he was going to die be fore he hit that 9ft tree stump. And as for your job that is totally wrong i was very blessed my job was there for me came to his funeral to show their respect and they paid for some of the food for 450 people and i got money to help me with some of the expenses and sent me flowers and said don't come back to work until jan feb or if you need more time that is fine your job is safe Lisa l_c4309aec7420c30ef653f4dc392e254d%5B1%5D.jpg
At 4:12pm on January 5, 2011, Phil's Mamama said…

Jan, I cried as i read the words you wrote.  I am so glad that he was there.

I am so sorry about the loss of your beautiful daughter.  I truly cannot put into words all I want to say.  It will be two years for us on Jan 16.  I still play the game "two years ago" I had him. . .my precious Philip.

 

This is such a special safe place with people who truly care.

Philips Mamma

Diane Dillon /nc

At 12:12pm on January 5, 2011, Terri Kuta said…

Jan

I lost my 17 year old son this past november and i see your daughter was only 18 mine was also involved in a car accident but mine really had no witnesses or none that will come forward their is talk about what happened but we probably will never know its such a young age any age is to young for a parent to lose a child but ours where just beginning their adult lives mine would have graduated this may and his birthday will be in feb.  I am glad that god sent you that man my son died less than 500 feet from our house so my husband was there within minutes and he was already dead, so we know he didn't suffer, my husband had a motorcycle accident last january 30th and a man came to help him and just held his held until the ambulance got there he said that was so powerful just someone holding his hand helped him to calm down so that man holding your daughers hand im sure was the same for her it might not have been you but she knew she wasn't alone when the angels came and took her home.  God bless

 

Terri    Jonathan mom

 

At 9:33am on January 5, 2011, valerie moore said…
HI JAN, YOUR DAUGHTER IS GEORGEOUS... I TO HAD SUCH ANXIETY BEFORE THE 1 YR ANNIV THAT I HAD TO GO INTO THERAPY 5 DAYS A WEEK, 7 HRS A DAY   I QUITE BEFORE THE ANNIV DATE, BBUT JUST MADE MYSELF SICK OVER IT.  THAT DAY, I JUST STAYED HOME IN SHOCK AND HAD A BALLOON REELEASE WITH MY MOTHER IN LAW AND MY HUSBAND... I AM ALREADY DREADING THIS YEARS BIRTHDAY AND ANNIV... I AM JUST DREADING THE YEAR ANYWAY.  HUGS, VALERIE
At 8:28pm on July 30, 2010, Tammy Egberts said…
Jan, thank you for your words...clare is a very pretty girl, and i am so sorry for your loss...you said that you lost a couple months after it happened, boy do i know what you mean. my memory is so bad anymore that it scares me sometimes. i wish i could tell you in time it will get better, but i don't feel that way so i can't lie, i guess we can only take one day at a time, and go on living for the people in our lives until we are re-united with our child someday...take care, and bless you. tammy E
At 6:59am on July 21, 2010, Maureen said…
Thanks,Jan, what you described is exactly what I feel too! It's been five weeks and I know I'm doing better than I was the first 2 weeks, but I still cry almost every day and the littlest thing can trigger some big emotions. Her birthday was this past Monday and the whole weekend preceding it was bad. You can almost feel it coming on and then you can feel it going away a few days later. It's a relief when that intense pain goes away cuz I know I'm going to have a reprieve for a few days and I smile. Isn't that awful, but I'm still obsessing over the actual accident and the circumstances surrounding it. I still can't remember the good times, I'm so obsessed about what happened, so I'm hoping one day soon I will remember only the good. I started going back to church before the accident and continue now too. It does bring me comfort and I light a candle. I don't blame God, even tho I begged him to watch out over her. Maybe he had his own reasons for taking her. And I too, still feel like she's going to drive right up in my driveway...the worse time is when I'm totally facing reality and remember that I will never see or touch her again in this world. That is the hardest of all. Have faith, Maureen
At 7:33pm on July 20, 2010, Jan said…
Lots of Banana's today
At 3:12pm on July 20, 2010, neicy said…
Dear Jan
It been a little over 7 months for me .since the passing of my beloved son Gregory . I will say the first few days I was in shock and didn't feel much , and I have stayed close to my faith in God . And if not for him and my other children and my church family I would probably be dead ,I have heard other parents that have lost children say you never get over it . You learn to live with it .my prayer is for God to Grant me peace and mercy and that one day I wont be so sad and broken hearted and will find some joy in my life. One great thing is that we are expecting a new little life in our family . Bless you dear you will be in my prayers
Neicy
At 11:35pm on July 19, 2010, Jan said…
I miss you Clara so much....Take care of Huka for me. Mom watch over my girl.
At 10:00pm on July 19, 2010, Missing Momma said…
I know what you mean when you say it's been six months and you are still a zombie. My mom died in December and it was quite a shock. At first, I tried to "pretend" she was just away, visiting...then I just threw myself into work, work , work, when I stop and think of her I just cry, and cry. I go to her grave, and I have these voicemails she left me - well i put them all onto one recording and listen to it over and over again. One that I copied, says " this is your mom (lol it was her voicemail, as if no one but her kids would ever call) I am in a spot where I can't be reached (got that right mom)." It seems kind of morbid, but i just want to hear her voice and be as close to her as I can. I realize that it is supposed to be even worse to lose a child, and as a mom, the thought of losing one of my kids actually makes me nauseous, but I can relate to wondering if it will ever get better, because its been 7 months now and I still feel as if I got punched in the gut. BTW, Clara is absolutely beautiful!
At 12:05pm on June 28, 2010, Jan said…
Wondering when I can wake up and feel normal again. It has been 6 months and I am still a zombie...Some say it take years and never will I feel "normal" again. I believe this is true, Just wish I would stop crying every day and being so exhausted, frustrated and angry. I want to be happy remembering her memories. I do have them but not enough. The grief takes over everytime.
At 4:01pm on May 12, 2010, Jan said…
It has been weeks since I was here. I was out of town due to my Dad being very ill. He is 86 and I do not believe I could handle another death this year. My Mom died 10 weeks after Clara was born. So if my Dad died the same year she died that would just be too scary. Mother's day was ok. I just stayed home and worked in my Gardens hoping to find some peace of mind. i cried and got angry at the same time. I miss my Clara....Her Birthday is on the 19th of May and she would have been 19. Rest in peace baby Mommy misses you more then anyone can imagine. I thank God for this website
At 1:48pm on April 19, 2010, Jan said…
Miss my Clara more then anything lately...Watching her flowers bloom and then die was sad. They were such beautiful tulips. I have planted a rose bush for her. She loved these. I remember right before Christmas I had bought some new pajama pants with roses all over them and she said I want a pair mommy, can you get me some too? I told her I would after the holiday but never got around to getting her a pair. We packed up her clothes this weekend to repaint the room she had in the basement. We bought the house in July last summer and never got around to fixing it up because she could not decide on a color.. It is gray and white and I need to fix it up right in memory of her. She never unpacked her things because we going to paint and put new carpeting so all her things are still in the boxes from the move. I will carefully unpack her things and put them out like I hope she would have wanted. So many memories.....It is very hard.
At 2:34pm on April 18, 2010, Carrie L said…
Hi Jan I know you will be writing again. I am so sorry about Clara My son Morgan is gone also. and I want him back. Without him there are not those phone calls. I will forever by sorry and sad. But will always want him. I like you have a total new view of life. Why couldn't we have spent more time together. Carrie L
At 10:25am on April 2, 2010, Jan said…
I love you Clara...Happy Easter
At 8:39am on March 31, 2010, Jan said…
I miss you Clara so very much that my whole body aches for you presence that I will never have....
At 8:39am on March 31, 2010, Jan said…
I fell deep the past two weeks. It seems I am falling into a depression of sorts. Crying myself to sleep and that is only for short periods of time. Getting up several times is not unusal.
At 11:04am on March 17, 2010, Jan said…
well I think I have come out of the slump If you can ever say you ever come out. The past few days have been better. We went to work on the crash site this past weekend. Made stepping stones across the stream to get to the other side to her memorial. I just wish it would get warmer so I can plant some flowers. We found her other earring just laying there on the bank of the stream. After 2 months of snow and rain there it lay....the nurse at the hospital only gave me one with her stuff. She was always losing earrings. But this time it was found I take this as a sign that she knew we were there working.
At 12:11pm on March 12, 2010, Jan said…
Is it to much to ask to stop asking me ever so politely how are YOU? How the hell do you think I am? Angry, no furious....that is a better word. I want my daughter back. God help me thru this day one more time. I hate Fridays....they can wipe this day of the calendar.....I want Thursday Dec 31st back...

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