I hope today is better for you than when you last posted about your sister. My experience tells me that some people are too self-centered and have expectations. Sometimes they say or do things that are less than pleasing. If what they want has not followed through by others then they become desperate doing things that are less than appropriate. I too have my feelings to contend with and painful stories but will not elaborate at this time.
The reason I am posting this is because I feel strongly that you need to be recognized for how you feel by words you expressed. Martin you are not the bad guy. You are a good guy! In fact from your many posts I can say that you are an incredibly warm, loving and caring human being. You wife would probably say that you are the husband and father that she or any mother would hope for.
I read your post and had to pause. It resonated with me striking a chord deep within.
There is a silver cord that breaks when our bodies are separated from our souls. There is an afterlife. I know this first hand. God allowed my daughter to come back to me before I was told by the state police. I tried to tell them that I knew because she came to me. They said there was no way she came to me at 2 am because she was dead. I knew that it was not really her and it was her spirit. Duh! Doesn't matter if the spirit lives. It is sad their body is ruined beyond recognition. It is a loss.
It is so hard when your child dies. My daughter died in a tragic accident on a Tuesday morning.
This past Tuesday was so difficult emotionally. I found myself crying while I was driving unexpectedly. It is not fair. Longing for the angel of a girl that my child was. I know that you too and others share this type of pain. Finally I realized it was Tuesday and the weather was similar no wonder it was hitting me so hard again.
It is nice to have your other children. Hold them close. Let them know how much you love an cherish them. Share with them ways to grieve constructively.
I know you have not asked my advice but I think that you should know that we do not know why unfair things happen but we need to be grateful for every day.
On the anniversary of my daughters death I had a party and invited her friends and family. I spread out a table of refreshments and my other family members helped. I went out and got a huge amount of helium balloons and then some sharpie markers. Her older sister suggested we write her a note. We drove to her grave site. We said a short prayer to let her know we missed and loved her. Then we released the balloons. It was comforting to have so many nice friends of hers there. Then we went back to the house had refreshments and reminded on how grateful we were to have had her in our lives.
You can do this too. This will help the children and others that are grieving over the loss of your son. This will help your wife and siblings too.
How nice and thank you for adding me as a friend. You are the first person to add me as a friend. I wasn't aware that this was done on this site.
Sunday afternoon I'll be attending a paper de-clutter session at the library with a friend. I've done lots of straightening and getting rid of lots of unnecessary paraphernalia since the last session a few months ago. It's a good feeling to let go of stuff I don't need. I hope they have one on getting rid of clothes. LOL
You're son Tim is good looking and looks like such a doll. Without talking to him I can see by his face that he has always been happy in his life. Just from reading what you wrote and some of the thing you have done tells me that your son Tim will always be alive. He is in your heart and your soul. Furthermore, just by looking at his face I know that he was well liked and loved by anyone who ever met him. Children are often a mirror image of their parents.
I'm so impressed that you made the blanket for your loved ones. My dad use to do that. My son Joe lived with my mom until that one night he was taken from us by a drunken driver. Joe would bring the blanket every year since dad left earth. I can't bring myself to go to the site where my Joe is with his grandpa. I'm just not ready. Maybe a bit afraid because when I went to see my dad at his resting place I lost it totally. Then became very ill and had a severe asthma attack which I didn't know I had at the time.
Thank you Martin for posting those Hinton articles. The What If" article really ministered to my heart. I'm glad to know about this author. I went online and located her site, and articles, so I am now subscribed to her weekly encouragement mailout. Thanks again for the tip.
I am not sure I am replying in the right place about your comment to my comment on your Horse Blog.
I agree, that after putting things on paper or the internet, here or facebook, etc I too feel better.
My hubby is all a bit different, he does use the internet but doesnt type and I have shown him a few things to do like play games. He does that for hours sometimes. He has also been staring at a pic of him and her on the last hunting trip when she got her first doe. (deer huting strated mon, but he had work and also decided he wasnt going this year) He cries or says some mumbling and then I cry watching him cry.
Yes we all are doing what we can and I do have to say, time is making it better like I was told it would be, and then I go backwards again.
I am so sorry you and a few others have had hard times with family or friends that just have no compassion. I guess I should be glad for my small family whom none of have ever said a bad word. They are there with us in all ways. I hated that there were over 400 signatures on her funeral book. A lot of them, her classmates or co workers and college mates. I only hear from a few on her facebook. But I dont need them. I have to work on my hubby, me and my two older boys with their children. Thats it for our family.
Not looking forward to losing my dad, who is 87 and ailing or my mom, 81, doing ok. My minlaw is gonna be 77 this dec. I so hate funerals and most are talking cremation now, due to low coverage ins policies.
Well, hope all is getting better day by day. Its all we have.
Wow, we lost our child the same day...I'm here for you and thank you for being there for me! Yes, we can walk this journey together. I'm sure you are experiencing the same sadness that I am now that holidays are coming up. The pressures of everyone wanting me to be a part of their "groups" and "what do you want for Christmas?". My answer is, I want my son back, can you do that? That's all! What I want is for people to let me grieve, sulk, pout, whatever they want to call it. I call it heartbroken and I'm becoming extremely emotional the closer these holiday come on me. What are you doing to handle your emotions?
I lost my 20 year old son 2 years 5 months ago. And i still miss him every day. My doctor said the same thing. He is very patient a d u derstanding. May you have friends who will listen, and not critisize. May you remember all of his days forever and we will see them when it is our time
I am now in tears...My daughter was killed by an 18 wheeler it horrifies me to hear those details and am confused about the illegal parking. The medical examiner said she died instantly but one of the cops told me she was "moved 200 feet" whatever that means I about fell to the floor. They needed her dental records and showed me her license but her hair was not the blonde color on the license it was brown at the time of the accident. There is just too much wrong with what happened and how it was handled. I will just only know in my hear the truth.
Like you I had great time with her just the night before she passed and many other times; she was so sweet.
It is nice to have good memories of when our loved ones were with us in the physical realm. Now we have to rely on our spiritual side to get in touch but it seems so elusive.
I thank God every day for the good people who have gone before me. and what they did while they were alive.
How poetic that you held the hand of the dying boy and then someone held and comforted your son. God Bless you.