Great to hear from you. I was getting a little concerned about you. I'm sure you are still struggling. It has been a year and half for me and honestly I have been so depressed lately. The holidays don't help and then three months ago I got laid off from my jog. My entire world is upside down. I'm grieving the loss of my husband and trying to find another job. Finding a job when you are in your sixties is not easy. Well enough of my complaining. You stay strong and prayers and hugs are being sent your way.
Hi Barb, how are you? let us know, haven't heard from you lately, are you back in Jersey?
No changes here, the crying hasn't stopped, so what else in new? miss him more every day, looking forward to going away & not looking forward, need the relaxation but not without him, can't seem to accept his death & I am a woman of faith but to be honest, I still question why him? why my family yet again, but you know my feelings because they are the same as yours, anyway keep us posted.
Hi Barb, haven't been coming to the site, just wanted to check who u are doing? haven't heard from you in awhile, hope u are feeling better, no sense in talking about me, same here, not a day goes by that I don't cry, there was a mass for him this past sunday & then we all went to the mausoleum, going on vacation on Sept 13th, don't know how I am going to handle being on a plane & on vacation without him, just feel so lonely even thought my sister lives with me.
Hope we can get together one I come back from vacation.
Don't you dare apologize for rambling, I do all the time & I can certainly understand how you are feeling especially today, because today was a pretty bad day for me also, I haven't stopped trying, every single thing today reminded me of Pablo & all I could do was cry, my sister is very understanding but right now even my kids are telling me I need to stop or just plainly ignore me when I am crying, they don't realize they both have their lives with their wives & I am ecstatic for them but they fail to see that my life with my life partner is over & even though I live with my sister it is simply not the same, not when you are used to having a husband that was always with you & that somebody was with you when you went to bed every night, so there I was also rambling but it's okay because you & I know what we are feeling & nobody in going to take that away from us, I miss him more every day & I don't see that changing any time soon.
Sorry we were both feeling so bad today, I pray every day for acceptance but it's not working, sending many hugs,
Its been a year and everything you just said I still feel. It scares me when I think about never seeing my husband again. And yes what is our purpose in life. Friends and family tend to move on and not keep in touch as much and we are left alone. You, Elvira and I will get through this as best we can. Our lives will never be the same but maybe in time we can smile once again. Nice talking to you.
Good Morning Barb! I wanted to see how you are doing before I leave on my Scandinavian trip on Friday. As I was telling Elvira, all the preparation has increased my anxiety levels. It's just too much to do for one person when we are used to our husbands helping out. I hope your okay. I know you had an anniversay date recently and that can be quite sad. Just hang in there, one day at a time. Take care of yourself and I will post upon my return.
Hi Barb, we must be twins somehow, I had a horrendous day today, all I did today was cry everywhere I went, on the 9th it will be 6 months or Pablo, I miss him more every day, went to the mall to buy some vacation clothes & just couldn't take him off my mind, had a dream with him a couple of nights ago but could not remember later what it was about, I wish he would come to me in a dream to tell me he is okay, I need to know, I miss him more & more every day & I am certainly not getting any better, I just don't see any improvement in my feelings.
Are you staying in Florida for more time? I leave on vacation on Sept 13th for 2 weeks.
I pray we all start to feel better, all three of us.
Sorry for not writing lately but I have also been busy the past three weeks with out of town visitors. Everyone is finally gone and now I will start preparing for my trip to Denmark and Norway with my son, daughter in law and her mother. I'm a little scared of the trip as I have not flown such a distance without my husband being with me. This is yet another thing that we have to overcome. I read a little of your post to Elvira and see that you also have visitors keeping you busy. That's wonderful! Busy is good for us but when its all over is when it is difficult. So like I told Elvira stay strong. We are stronger than we might think. If you have to cry than cry it always makes me feel better afterwards. Enjoy your time with your daughter and friends. You are always in my thoughts.
Hi Barb, how are you?, sorry haven't posted much lately, first with the wedding & this past weekend went to Gettysburg with my son, daughter in law & sister, incredibly enough, this weekend was harder than the wedding, kept thinking of Pablo & crying most of the time, my sister is very compassionate but my son & his wife kind of ignored when I cried, they don't feel the same because they have each other on the other hand my youngest son gets mad at me for crying because he says he gets worried that I am going to get sick, they are both very different, anyway I sure hope you are doing better than me, don't know when this crying will stop but sure hope is soon, I just feel a heart wrenching sadness that does not go away.
Hi Barb, it was a tough day but made it thru, held back my tears pretty much, except coming down the aisle with my son & during the mother son dance, but he also cried, the wedding was beautiful, all events from this past weekend were great, from rehearsal dinner thru breakfast brunch at the hotel, they both glow from happiness, I spoke to him yesterday & I said it felt weird to say wife rather than fiancé & he said it feels great, I love it.
Yesterday found out it's going to be a BOY, I really wanted a boy in Pablo's memory because she is exactly pregnant the same amount of time of Pablo's passing.
Hope everything is good with you or at least that you area able to sleep a little better, I am going away this weekend with my sister, oldest son & wife to Gettysburg from Thursday to Sunday.
Hi Barb, Thanks for thinking of me. It's been a rough day, who am I kidding its been a rough year and the last couple of weeks even worse then that. If you can imagine that. My daughter is here from NYC so that helps. Unfortunately my son couldn't be. He lives in Singapore. He called so upset and depressed this morning. I wish I could have been there to give him a hug. The car accident happened 5 days after their wedding in Bulgaria and between the two of them each one blames themselves and maybe each other. I don't know. All I know is that additional stress is added on when I have to worry about him and his marriage surviving this tragedy. Enough about me, I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting so much. Yes I wish you, Elvira and I could be together and hold onto each other tight for support. I thank God that I found the two of you and wish you peace and joy. I hope Elvira is able to enjoy her sons wedding tomorrow. Keep in touch, Hugs coming your way.
Thank you for all the kind words and the wisdom. I know you are struggling too especially this weekend. Just like you I ask myself over and over again why these men. Good people and yet there are so many bad people in the world. Sometimes I ask if I'm being punished for something I did but we can't think that way. Ill be thinking of you and praying for you too my friend. Wishing you many happy moments this weekend. And like you said cry if you have to, it does help. My daughter will be with me. She spent the night downtown with some friends, which is good for her but I paced the house all night. Reliving the accident and wondering if I could have done something to save him. Take care dear and enjoy your sons wedding. My thoughts are with you.
Hi Barb, yes I have been extremely busy with preparations but with great sadness, just doing all we are doing without my Pablo there is just totally devastating, slept last night with bad dreams all night so needless to say there is no rest that way, I am praying for Marie tomorrow Is her husband's first anniversary & she is having a tough time, I feel for her because yesterday for me with his 5th month was very hard and cried most od the day, so keep her in your prayers.
Hopefully you are also keeping busy which in turn helps us not to cry so much, also hope u are sleeping better.
Thanks for your prayers Barb, finally finished all the centerpieces today for the rehearsal dinner, hopefully I can sleep better today, if I got 2 hours of sleep last night, it was a lot, going to bed to try to get some rest, hope you are resting a little better, keep praying for me my friend, the closer it gets to the wedding day, the more prayers I will need, talk soon Barb
Thanks for thinking of me, you girls are also on my mind, I hear you when u say you had a meltdown, I haven't stopped having them, this weekend has been pretty bad, went to my son's house on the 4th & just being there without Pablo was unbearable, then doing things this weekend for the rehearsal dinner & wedding was just simply horrible, I haven't stopped crying all weekend, I can tell u that there has not been one day in the past almost 5 months since his death, that I haven't cried every single day, every little thing I do is too difficult without him being there, getting very concerned for the wedding, the close it gats the more I cry & the more anxious I get, need all prayers this week, I really don't want to ruin the wedding with my crying episodes, anyway enough of my complaining, I hope u had a better day today, I hope we all can start to have just slightly better days, thinking of you,
Hi Barb, very busy days both at work & at home, but the sadness hasn't let up, I cry every single night when I go to bed & he is not by my side, been keeping pretty busy with preps for the rehearsal dinner & wedding, hoping and praying on the day of wedding I can control some of my emotions, we finally booked the venue for the baby shower this past sunday & my son is very happy with the place because it happens to have beautiful view to the NYC skyline, we reserved it for Oct 4th.
How long will you be in Florida? I know how u must be feeling my friend, every little step we take without them is devastating, I sure hope that by the time the wedding comes around next week, maybe, perhaps maybe the anti-depressant starts to kick in.
Barb, I know how overwhelming things are for you, for us. When life is normal we don't think of all the little things that got done by our husbands and now that they are gone it seems like its never ending. I feel like I have no time to relax anymore. We were cheated and we will never know why us or why things happened the way they did. After my husband retired he went back to school to finally get the degree he had been working on but put on hold. A month before our trip, he graduated, got a job as a addiction counselor and he was so proud of himself as we all were of him. I get such anxiety and panic attacks when I think about this and how he was cheated. I'm sure everyone is different but for me the anxiety seems to be increasing not decreasing. The fear of never seeing him again sometimes is overwhelming. Sorry, I guess I was venting. Are you taking anything to help you through the sadness and depression? Try to get out so you can get your mind off of things. Talk soon.
I hear you loud & clear Barb, taking one day at a time, was a vey busy weekend between preparations for rehearsal dinner & looking for a venue for baby shower, finally found a venue for baby shower & it just so happens to be at the restaurant that Pablo & I would always go to celebrate our anniversary, it has a gorgeous view of the NYC skyline, but cried thru the process & getting nervous of how I'm going to react at the wedding, needless to say, like you, taking one day at a time but finding it too difficult & the tears don't seem to cease.
Hoping & praying for some sort of relief for all of us,
Hi Barb, It must be awful to be there by yourself and having to handle everything. Everyday I think how unfair life is and all the memories that were still waiting to be made will never be. I hate seeing other couples together. I'm not talking about young couples, more my age that bothers me. I also dislike when my siblings post on facebook all the wonderful times they are having with their spouses and yet not one of them can call me to see how I'm doing. Don't get me wrong, if I called and asked for something they would be right there to help. It just seems that they can't initiate a conversation just because they would want to see how I'm doing. These are things we will remember in the future. I'm sorry you're having trouble sleeping an eating. I can't sleep either, probably none of us on this site can. I don't think I sleep more than a couple of hours and wake up. Never a good nights sleep. Have you tried taking anything? I've tried herbal teas and all sorts of stuff and nothing seems to help. Making decisions on our own is very difficult. I try to rely on neighbors and friends to suggest people if I need some work done. Otherwise I think they take advantage of women like us. I know you're busy but keep writing to Elvira and me it will really help you. Take care and talk to you soon.