Barbara Maier's Comments

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At 7:18am on May 24, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hey Barb, no recent posts from you, hope to hear from you soon, been on legacy quite often this week, has been a really bad one, but then again you know exactly what we are all going thru, this weekend will be extremely hard for me, always had a barbecue with family on Sunday so we could rest on Monday, my husband loved barbecuing his famous churrascos, not to be anymore, hope your days haven't been as bad as mine.



At 7:42am on May 19, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hi Barb, don't ever apologize for going on & on, remember we are the same, we are grieving very similarly & it's okay, had a very busy weekend, nonetheless missing my Pablo more every day, it's funny that I went out to buy some jeans & wound up buying the dress for the rehearsal dinner, if you know me, I always wait til last minute to buy whatever I need & it is usually the day before the event, I know my husband would have been proud & I think he would have loved the dress, it was just there for me, only one dress & in my size, hoping he had something to do with it, go get the mani-pedi, your hubby would have wanted to you too, I finally did it & glad I did, I got the color he liked.

Where is your house in Florida, I am going with my sister for 2 weeks in September, even though I will miss him terribly, he would have wanted me to go, he loved vacations & lived every year just thinking where to go for vacation, it is all you take with you, not the money not the jewelry but the wonderful memories you had on vacation or the happy times when we went out for dinner or a show, last October just before our anniversary we went to Mt Airy in PA & we saw a concert by The Stylistics, it was so wonderful, being next to him singing along all the songs of our high school years, those memories he took with him & that is exactly what kills me, that I will never make any more memories with him, here I go again crying while I type, I keep saying to myself, one day at a time, it will get better bit am I only fooling myself, it has not gotten better, but keep hopeful that at least some day I will be able to accept it.

Hope your day is better, last night was tough, could hardly sleep,

I also feel that we are good friends, this horrible thing that happened at least has brought you and so many others from this site into my life.



At 12:28pm on May 18, 2014, Robbie Miller Kaplan said…

Dear Barb,

My deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved husband. I find that when life is so difficult, it helps just to focus on putting one foot in front of the other and working though the day. It helps to put on a pair of sneakers and go for a walk just for the fresh air and some exercise. I have found gentle yoga to be very healing during periods of bereavement. You just have to stick to it and breathe and stretch. My thoughts are with you. Robbie 

At 7:14pm on May 17, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hey Barb, had a very busy Friday & Saturday, although both days had my crying fits, on Friday, 2 of my friends invited me for lunch & since I am taking off from work on Fridays unless any of my coworker has day off or vacation time, we made plans to go for lunch but in the morning had appointment to get my nails done, I used to go every 2 to 3 weeks when my hubby was alive & had gone back only once since he passed & my sister insisted I needed to go & get things off my head, I finally went only to sit there talking to all the girls that work in the nil salon ^ basically cried thru my whole appointment, on Thursday night my future daughter in law invited me to go for the first wedding gown fitting & then she took both her mom & me for dinner, her gown is stunning & today my sister & I ent shopping, I needed jeans & the boys gave us gift cards, so we went to the mall & to my surprise not only did I find the jeans, we both found the dresses for the rehearsal dinner.

To answer your question, my dress for the wedding was ordered, not here yet, I like it, it's turquoise color, long & has a little of bling on the top part, the day I picked it was one of the hardest days of my life, choosing the dress without my Pablo was heartbreaking, he would have been there giving his opinion, no doubt but I also know he would approve of the dress I chose, my son is getting married in Bogota, NJ at a catholic church called St,Joseph's & the reception will be at The Royal Manor in Garfield,NJ the place is beautiful, do hope they have nice weather with not too much heat, the rehearsal dinner is in Palisades Park,NJ at a place called Meson Madrid, which happens to be one of my husband's favorite restaurant, gave you a little info about the wedding, hope it wasn't too long, hope you are having better days, Friday night was also hard because our office was invited to a dinner for the administrative people at various doctor's offices & the girls practically forced me to go, it was nice  but kept looking at my watch waiting for my husband to call me & ask me what is taking you so long to come home, was hard but guess I made it thru.

Hope to hear from you soon,



At 7:13am on May 13, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Thank you Barbara, sounds wonderful that we can get to meet, please just let me know when you do come up to Bergen county, that would not be too far for me, although it is funny to think that my husband worked for so many years where you live in Parsippany, last few years of his life he worked in the Bronx but he loved working in Jersey, unfortunately you need to work where you can find work, I hope your days get better, when I think mine is going a little better, something happens that ruins it & makes me miss Pablo even more so, I guess it is something we have to deal with now for the rest of our lives.

You, Marie & Phyllis are always on my mind,



At 6:58am on May 12, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

I am so sorry Barbara, Happy Belated Birthday anyway, I know, it hurts so bad, we are totally broken with our husband's my our side, I am really trying hard for my kids & now for the grandchild on the way, I know Pablo would not want me to be this unhappy but I just can't help it, yesterday for mother's day went for a barbecue to my oldest son's house & he cooked what my husband had specialty knack for & he did a wonderful job, told him his dad would be proud, because they tasted just liked his father's, it was a very hard day & I had to contain myself from crying & did pretty well although nothing for me will ever be the same, hope you are felling just a little better, prayers & hugs,


At 8:46pm on May 8, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Barb, anytime you need to talk, please feel free, sometimes talking makes us fell just a little bit better or we can just cry together.



At 3:17pm on May 8, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Barbara, we are in the same boat today, my co-worker does not know what to say, because I have been practically crying all day, for some reason this past 2 weeks have been terrible, I am over anxious & can't seem to handle my feelings at all, I just can't accept that he is gone, I keep looking for answers & asking how did this happen, so many plans for our future & there will be none, I am sorry you are feeling just as bad as me, I only wish we could both feel a little bit of peace, so far I haven't found any, I pray so hard everyday & ask God to give me strength to continue but I think he is not listening.

Hugs & peace.


At 1:00pm on May 7, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Barbara, you are so right in saying that our kids will continue with their lives & they will go on & all we have left are the memories, I too still listen to a voice mail I saved on my phone just so I can listen to his voice daily, I cry every single night when I lay on that bed & feel his emptiness, I question God's decision to take him away so soon & can't understand comprehend with so many bad people out there, the good have to go, also it is still terrible to see my poor mother in law lose her only child at 88 years old, she I must say is tougher than me, haven't seen her shed a tear yet, not even at the wake or funeral, I get very anxious when I think I won't be seeing him again, but people that have not gone thru it will not understand what we are feeling, all they tell me is tie heals, well time is for sure not helping me any at this time & most of the time I just keep it to myself because I do not want to hear you should understand that he is still next to you in spirit, well I don't want him in spirit, I want him back & I know that is not possible, thank you for your words, at least we both understand each other & our feelings.

Sending hugs,


At 9:13pm on May 6, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Sorry Barbara, I hear ya loud & clear, I haven't checked in because I am also having a hard time, last week was awful, had appointment with my doctor on April 28th for my regular every 4 month routine exam but woke up that morning not feeling well, was not able to go to work so I called her to take me in earlier, so she did & I had bronchitis, needless to say I only worked one day last week, & then Friday was my oldest son's birthday & it was sooo hard to follow the routine of taking him out to the restaurant of his choice without his father being there, he announced to all that they are expecting a baby in November, happy but bittersweet, my husband wanted to be a grandpa so much, my son says this baby was sent to them by his dad, because she is exactly 2 months pregnant, & my husband would be gone 3 months on may 9th, not looking forward to mother's day because he always would barbecue for me, just feel awful for his mom also, she is 88 yrs old & he was an only child, also not looking forward to the next events in my life & feel terrible about it, our youngest son is getting married on July 12th & the day before is rehearsal dinner & I have to host it & represent him, not easy, I am sorry I am just venting on & on when I know you are hurting too, don't worry about the clothes & closet yet, I haven't even thrown out his toothbrush, or any of his clothes, everything is in the place he left it, I have no energy to even clean the house & frankly I don't care, I still have the same pillowcase on his pillow on our bed, I don't have the want or energy to get rid of anything yet, I have had enough with all the phone calls that needed to be made to credit cards, insurance company, electric ,phone & so on, changes in bank, etc, etc,, I think I have done pretty much, I even had to go to surrogate court because all the cars were in his name & in order to put them in my name & son's name, I had to go to surrogate court & then to DMV, so I consider I have done above & beyond what I felt I needed to do, I hope you are feeling a little better, I know so far this week has not been good for me, if you ever need to talk, call me, my cell # is 201-978-4117.

Sending prayers & hugs,


At 8:03am on May 2, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Barbara,  I'm hanging in there just by a thread but trying my best not to get back into the depression I was in a few weeks ago.  Just like Elvira has been feeling its so overwhelming and heart wrenching.  How are you?  I know how you feel when you go in the closet and see your husbands things.  It's so sad but yet I can't part with them.  Sometimes I go in the closet and just smell the clothes hoping that I might get a scent of him again. I'm fine at least for now with everything the way it is, because it makes me feel like a part of him is still with me and that comforts me.  My kids are grown and live far away and at times I feel so all alone, even though I have friends and family that live near me. The children are my connection to John and without them close by I feel like an orphan.  Your pain and sorrow is so new and I understand how difficult it is for you.  Those first months are so bad that words can't explain the feelings we go through.  Hang in there and reach out to us whenever you need to.  Together we will get through this and someday we might even create a new normal for us.

Thinking of you and sending you many hugs,



At 9:05pm on April 30, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

You know Barbara, today has been the day from hell, still home from work because of the bronchitis but haven't stopped crying all day, I can't look towards the future anymore, not without my husband, sometimes I feel that I am at the verge of going crazy, as I'm writing, tears just flow & I can't contain them, I want the answer that none of us will ever know & that is the why? why now, why him why did it have to happen, why did he leave me without being able to tell him I love him on that moment, why such a wonderful human being, great dad, good husband, my mind is in turmoil & today has got to be one of my worse days yet, wish I could sleep 24 hrs a day so that I am not thinking constantly, dreamed about him last night but left me feeling even sadder, he looked rushed & kind of brush me off then I woke up, I want to at least dream something happy with him, I wish it could be every night & I want to know he is okay, I kind of want confirmation but probably the more I want it the less it will happen, sorry for my venting tonight, I just feel such tremendous heart wrenching sadness that I don't know what to do, I already took my anxiety medication but it's not working.

pray for me, I really need some comfort


At 10:13am on April 30, 2014, Elvira Castellanos said…

Hi Barbara, thank you so much for your post, we here are all in the same shoes unfortunately, your husband passed 1 month after mine, they say it gets better, I am still waiting for the day that I don't cry my eyes out, haven't stopped crying since he died, you are also from New Jersey & my husband worked many years in Parsippany, so we are pretty close to each other, I live in North Bergen, for many of us, the death was unexpected & even though I know God my probably merciful in taking my husband when he did, so he did not have to go thru the treatment for stage 4 colon cancer & took him home with a cardiac arrest, he was a young man, had turned 59 the month before, my youngest son is getting married in July & I am going to be a grandma in November, all these are bittersweet, my husband wanted so much to be at his sons wedding & to become a grandpa, just think life isn't fair, he was a wonderful husband, father & human being, why was he taken so suddenly, no symptoms til it was too late, I know you are in same state of shock & grief that I am, I feel great at this site, because unfortunately everyone understand way too much what we are going thru, anytime you need to post, please do so, at least writing about it helps me even if I post while crying. Marie is a wonderful sweet person that has become a good friend & has very wise words, we comment back on our posts all the time.

Prayers your way,



At 9:27pm on April 29, 2014, Marie said…

Barbara, You need all the support you can get so never feel like your bothering anyone by telling us how you feel. We are all going through the same thing. My husband died almost 10 months ago in a car accident and everyday is a challenge to get through. I take a one day at a time approach as well as count on my friends and family and this support group to get me through each day. Sending you my prayers


At 2:05pm on April 29, 2014, Marie said…

Barbara,  I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  I know how difficult it can be especially in the early stages.  Hang in there and know that you are surrounded by people that care.  We are hear to listen and if possible to help you get through this.



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