Carol Roberts's Comments

Comment Wall (41 comments)

You need to be a member of LegacyConnect to add comments!

Join LegacyConnect

At 12:10pm on May 27, 2011, Carol Roberts said…

Another 'holiday' , this one, the last time I got to spend time with you. and Marking 11 months since you left us.   You were so scared to drive up here alone, but you did it anyways, I was so happy you did, and so proud.  We had a great weekend visiting, I cooked you feasts and you pigged out, Loved watching that!  We laughed, cooked together, and it was wonderful, I always felt complete peace when I was with you.   So, this weekend, not planning anything, just gonna ride it through, and remember the hugs, the laughter, your beautiful face and my last hug when you left that Memorial Day, I still feel it.  

    I'm really doing my best to move forward, it is lonely.  And yes, as I read in a post earlier, many folks who said they'd be there for me, were not , and still are not.  I've never gone through anything like this before, I pray God, never again.   I don't have a huge support network around me.  I Know, all I need is God.  But some earthly support would be nice <3   I look for it, but as soon as someone hears my story, they back away, now and then drop a caring word or two on facebook.   It takes all I have in me to leave the house , to go to the store or what ever, I make myself go, I'm always glad I did, but it's like moving Lead .  Some days are easier than others, and I pray they get a little easier, the pain lessening when I think of you, so good memories and love can shine through.  

 

I send out Love and Blessings to  all the parents here, God Bless you all <3 and God Bless our Children <3 They are always just a breath away <3

At 10:21am on May 8, 2011, Carol Roberts said…

 ouch~~~ I wish you were here, I wish your sister was here, I hope and pray I hear from you today <3 <3 <3, and from your sis <3     Mic is doing his best to make this a good day for me, God Bless him <3    I love you Christopher, I love being your Mommy <3  

Happy Mother's day to all the Mom's here, and know we are all being celebrated in heaven by our children <3<3<3  God Bless us all <3

At 10:21am on May 8, 2011, Carol Roberts said…

 ouch~~~ I wish you were here, I wish your sister was here, I hope and pray I hear from you today <3 <3 <3, and from your sis <3     Mic is doing his best to make this a good day for me, God Bless him <3    I love you Christopher, I love being your Mommy <3  

Happy Mother's day to all the Mom's here, and know we are all being celebrated in heaven by our children <3<3<3  God Bless us all <3

At 12:54pm on May 3, 2011, Carol Roberts said…
Please forgive me for the pain I am expressing.  It is so random and so draining.  I want to focus on how much I love you, how you made my life so much richer and blessed because you were here , and I was lucky to be your mommy. Seems like the pain is pulling up so much buried crap, sometimes i can barely breathe.  I want you back, I want you here, and I'm mad as hell that I can't haVe that.  So I lash out, or go hide, angry at the world that my life has been so completely altered.  Really we don't realize how important we are to each other, how essential we are.  Today , my anger swelled, and thankfully I have a husband who listens, reasons , and holds no judgement.  I feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes, I want the pain and anxiety to stop, but it doesn't, not till it's good and ready.   These next couple months are going to be the test, the last couple months of your life here, me grasping at every precious moment I spent with you, or just talking with you.   God Give me strength to continue on this journey of healing <3  I love you Chris, keep shining your light <3
At 12:19pm on April 22, 2011, shannon churchill said…
Once again you have said exactly what is in my own heart...  the pain does not get better.    I have noticed that I cry a little less...  not because I am getting "Over It" but because I carry it.   I am carrying all of this tragic loss inside my own soul and trying to carry on.   I love my son the way you love yours and it is just not right to have to live without them...  I saw something this morning that made me feel...oh..a little stronger in my faith in our God.   I will try and post it... it is about 30 minutes long to watch... but it helped me.   Thank you for posting to me.. I am having a hard time keeping up with the main page lately and have not said much.    I was told to hurry up and get my son's headstone done so he has a marker.    Well...  that went all over me...     I fully intend to get him the best one possible but for now I still can't accept he is even there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Much less pick out a headstone. GRRRR.    My son's birthday in in October... so I still have a few months before that hard day.   God Bless you and I hope you know I totally understand...    My family thinks I am nuts because I look at tragic things on the internet about other children, and study NDE'a and think the lights flickering could be Tommy saying hello.  
At 12:19pm on April 22, 2011, shannon churchill said…
Once again you have said exactly what is in my own heart...  the pain does not get better.    I have noticed that I cry a little less...  not because I am getting "Over It" but because I carry it.   I am carrying all of this tragic loss inside my own soul and trying to carry on.   I love my son the way you love yours and it is just not right to have to live without them...  I saw something this morning that made me feel...oh..a little stronger in my faith in our God.   I will try and post it... it is about 30 minutes long to watch... but it helped me.   Thank you for posting to me.. I am having a hard time keeping up with the main page lately and have not said much.    I was told to hurry up and get my son's headstone done so he has a marker.    Well...  that went all over me...     I fully intend to get him the best one possible but for now I still can't accept he is even there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   Much less pick out a headstone. GRRRR.    My son's birthday in in October... so I still have a few months before that hard day.   God Bless you and I hope you know I totally understand...    My family thinks I am nuts because I look at tragic things on the internet about other children, and study NDE'a and think the lights flickering could be Tommy saying hello.  
At 9:55pm on April 21, 2011, Ronda Johnston said…

Hi Carol, I think of you often too my friend...  I luv u .

 

At 9:23pm on April 21, 2011, Carol Roberts said…

well just vented, expressed my self, my feelings, dang thing posted twice, I delete one of them and they both are poof gone!  Lord please, i'm tired, no more tests today. 

It has been nothing short of hell the past week since your birthday, I did ok on your birthday, making your cake, bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and picked up some good tortilla chips and salsa, it was about all the celebrating I could muster, wanting so much to celebrate your life. 

I have felt rage, shock, massive sadness, , irritable, and constantly asking God and everyone for forgiveness for not being stronger.   Today I shoveled the garden up, for hours, it never got softer, i dug and dug and dug, determined to work the rage and anger inside of me out.  I think I did, cause after dinner, I soaked in the tub ( body hurtin man)  and I cried a river, intensely, screaming so loudly nothing came out, but I Know God heard me, and I told Jesus he is the only one that can help me, and I know he will <3 <3   I love you and miss you so darn much , keep shining your light and reaching out to me, I feel you, when I close my eyes, I see you, and when I turn on the radio, I hear you <3 <3  ( the family thinks i'm nuts at this point, seriously, how do I deal with that?)

At 9:23pm on April 21, 2011, Carol Roberts said…

well just vented, expressed my self, my feelings, dang thing posted twice, I delete one of them and they both are poof gone!  Lord please, i'm tired, no more tests today. 

It has been nothing short of hell the past week since your birthday, I did ok on your birthday, making your cake, bought a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and picked up some good tortilla chips and salsa, it was about all the celebrating I could muster, wanting so much to celebrate your life. 

I have felt rage, shock, massive sadness, , irritable, and constantly asking God and everyone for forgiveness for not being stronger.   Today I shoveled the garden up, for hours, it never got softer, i dug and dug and dug, determined to work the rage and anger inside of me out.  I think I did, cause after dinner, I soaked in the tub ( body hurtin man)  and I cried a river, intensely, screaming so loudly nothing came out, but I Know God heard me, and I told Jesus he is the only one that can help me, and I know he will <3 <3   I love you and miss you so darn much , keep shining your light and reaching out to me, I feel you, when I close my eyes, I see you, and when I turn on the radio, I hear you <3 <3  ( the family thinks i'm nuts at this point, seriously, how do I deal with that?)

At 10:17am on March 29, 2011, shannon churchill said…
Carol,  I swear this message below looks like something I could have cut and pasted from my own page in terms of the feelings you are having.   Your son in this picture reminds me so much of Tommy.   He loved music.   Loved Film.  He wanted to be a producer and write his own music for it.   So smart.... too smart I'm thinking.   He was not going to do anything with his life other than that he loved...  He told me..  "Mom I would rather be a bum on the street doing the things I love than just getting by doing something I hate or not passionate about."   He lived that way.   I wish he would have gotten a chance to do more.         Have you thought of a balloon release for his birthday?    We are already planning that for Tommy.    I am looking at never celebrating Christmas or NewYears for the rest of my life. :(   He died on Christmas and was buried on NewYears Eve.   This web site is the only comfort I get... here people are not afraid to talk to me and are always sweet and ready to send messages to help when you are down.     Thank you for posting to me.   I love your ocean pictures, the ocean is such a peaceful place to reflect and feel close to your loved ones.    Hugs,  Shannon
At 8:14pm on March 28, 2011, Carol Roberts said…
Been a little bit since my last post, Christopher's Birthday is coming up, April 13th.   I can feel the anxiety building inside me.  Last year, I was with him on his birthday, had a party for him, so wanting him to feel good and loved.  It was bitter sweet for him I know.  Now I find myself wondering, what do I do?  do I celebrate? do I hibernate? what do I do?  I don't know =o(    And after his birthday comes the anniversary of the last time I got to spend time with him Memorial weekend when he came here to visit.  then the anniversary of a year since he left us, and the cycle will start over, holidays, all of it, and sometimes it's just too much .  Nothing will ever be the same , ever, there are days I do real good, and I can imagine him saying' way to go mom, you are doing great'  I know he wants me to be happy, and I just keep saying, I need more time, I can't get used to you not being here that fast, you were my life, you and your sister, my heart, and it hurts.   There are days I just want to come home and be with you <3   God forgive me <3 I know there's still work for me here, and in his time it will be my time.    I get tired of 'feeling' like people are waiting for me to be 'normal' again.  afraid to talk to me, or just flat out have diconnected completely.  I don't understand .  I don't expect anyone to take away the pain, but a hug is nice <3   Sorry for venting, and for being away for so long from here , My heart goes out to you all <3 <3 <3 God Bless <3 <3 <3
At 6:08pm on February 15, 2011, Ronda Johnston said…
Awww... Thank u Carol, I Love u too very much!!!!!
At 6:40pm on January 21, 2011, Ronda Johnston said…
Hi Carol, I searched & searched for you on FB & It wouldn't let me friend you from your Fb e-mail... what should we do cause I would love to be your friend on FB??  what does your profile pic look like on FB?  Mine is of Sean.  Thank u for writing to me, I'm okay I guess..... You sound like your going to be keeping busy, I wish I can do that, I just go to work part time & the rest of the days sleep & think of Sean... I think I need to Volunteer like you.  well please write soon.   Love u, Ronda
At 12:34am on January 18, 2011, Ronda Johnston said…
Hello Carol, Sorry I haven't written sooner , I Just haven't been feeling up to anything lately... I just don't k now what to do, I'm lonely for my son, I miss him so much it HURTS!!!!  The other day for just a second I forgot he was gone and then realized he really was gone for ever & I had this overwhelming sad feeling come over me & I thought I was going to have an anxiety attack so I told my self to take a deap breath & don't think about Sean, Then I got really sad cuz I don't ever want to stop thinking of Sean, It was the worst feeling ever just knowing your child is gone forever.   It's been 7 months now & I'm hurting more then ever!!!!!  I do go to a Bereavement group once a week but I'm not sure if it's helping or not.  Well Carol I hope your doing good, write soon please.  Hug's to u my friend.  Ronda
At 9:36pm on December 25, 2010, Carol Roberts said…

Christmas Blessings to you all <3 <3.  Today has been a quiet day, and I've made it through thanks to God and my family.  We opened gifts last night, first time ever to do that.  I'm so very glad we did it that way since mornings seem to be the toughest time for me.  And doing it that way allowed Today to be for Jesus <3  Our Church had an Amazing Christmas Eve Service , the music was absolutely awesome, and uplifting <3  

I wish I could say I had this amazing awesome Christmas Celebration, I put on my Christmas mask, and shopped, wrapped gifts, made a nice Christmas Dinner, and now, glad that part is over,,,,Tomorrow will be a day of rest, reflection, and self care.  God Bless ALL of you <3  December 30th will mark 6 months since Chris left us, I miss him, I can still hear his voice saying " Hi Mommy, I love you "  even writing that makes my eyes well up with tears, my heart cries out for him.  Truely I was blessed with him , he saved my life , for I was on the wrong path when I conceived him and everything turned around for me, HE became the most important thing in my life, and I feel great sadness I couldn't save his <3  

Now that I have babbled on , quite random, sorry, it's just how it's coming up and out, thank you everone for listening, for sharing, it really does help us all to know we are not alone <3  Peace and Love  and God's blessings to you all <3

At 9:39pm on December 22, 2010, Ronda Johnston said…
Hi Carol,  I'm so glad you enjoyed your self on your vacation, I think we all need one of those now & then it might be good just to escape for a bit......  Coming back to this reality sure hurts doesn't it???  My husband & I got away for a few days about 2 months ago & it was good for the moment but then it's all back again The PAIN in our heart will NEVER go away.        That was very sweet of you & your husband to buy a present for the boy & you said your son would of liked it too.... that's so cool.    I can't believe it's almost Christmas, time is going buy so fast it's scary!!!!!   Yes I agree the lord is wonderful I couldn't make it without him either, I know Christmas day will be WONDERFUL for our boys in heaven, wonder what kind of party their going to have.... lol   Our Christmas will be very quiet this yr, were not going anywhere & No one is coming over, it will just be our daughter & her boyfriend......Were not going out for New Yrs either... we did get invited to a couple party's but I just don't feel like going to any party.....well carol I hope you have a Nice Christmas & I know will be talking soon, My back is hurting I need to lay on a heating pad...lol  Hugs to u, luv u my friend.  God Bless.   Ronda
At 9:56am on December 21, 2010, Janice said…

Carol, thank you so much for sharing this with us...thank you,

janice

At 7:37am on December 21, 2010, Carrie L said…

Hi Carol I just read Garys candle lighting ceremony and it made me tear up as all this does. I don't want to be here and christmas is just a bit away. I have picked up cards yesterday and luckily we went to florida on a mini vacation and saw dad and spent time with mom and Lee. It was very nice very get away you know some of those rides at universal park are very out of this world get you away for the duration of the ride anyway... thinking of you and our beautiful sons... who want us to be happy not so terribly sad.. i cannot help it. he was part of me that part of me is not gone but it stays the same.... you know what i mean. carrie L

At 7:37am on December 21, 2010, Carrie L said…

Hi Carol I just read Garys candle lighting ceremony and it made me tear up as all this does. I don't want to be here and christmas is just a bit away. I have picked up cards yesterday and luckily we went to florida on a mini vacation and saw dad and spent time with mom and Lee. It was very nice very get away you know some of those rides at universal park are very out of this world get you away for the duration of the ride anyway... thinking of you and our beautiful sons... who want us to be happy not so terribly sad.. i cannot help it. he was part of me that part of me is not gone but it stays the same.... you know what i mean. carrie L

At 7:54pm on December 16, 2010, Ronda Johnston said…

Hi Carol,  How are you doing? I'm trying to hang in there... These holidays suck, well I should say every day sucks!!!!  I couldn't get myself to put up our tree this yr & no decorations either....Christmas was my fav time of yr, I would decorate my whole house inside & out.   Just can't do it.  I get so sad every day!!!  Tomorrow I'm going in the hospital for a minor surgery it's just an in & out procedure nothing major, My Dr. found a polyp on my cervix that needs to be removed.  I hope your doing okay, just wanted to touch base with u & to see how your doing.  you take care and any time you want to talk u know I'm here.  Luv u my friend, God Bless.  Ronda

Latest Conversations

Marquis Taylor is now a member of LegacyConnect
5 hours ago
Profile IconSuzanne Hamlin and Melissa Gary joined LegacyConnect
Monday
Steve G. and CHAYA SPECTOR are now friends
Friday
natali tran is now a member of LegacyConnect
Friday

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2020   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service