Steve Cain's Comments

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At 9:31am on February 9, 2010, Cindy McGregor said…
My thoughts and prayers are for you all.Your stories mean so much to me.I lost my precious husband Rick Jan.3 2010.The pain is fresh .i believe God gave us tears to shed for the ones we love.If not for God I know I would give up.I pray for sustaning power to come over all of you.i believe Rick will be apart of my heart forever.Though death may seperate us his love will always be here.God Bless.I care for you all.Write me anytime my friends in the battle with me.Love Cindy from Indiana.
At 8:09pm on January 20, 2010, pearl said…
i wanna thank everyone who shared there stories with us, i lost my husband of 10 years sept 09,just being on this site and reading all the stories has opened a floodgate of emotions that i must of had buried inside,is this really happening? everyday is still a rollercoaster of emotions and friends are almost nonexsistant just a bunch of empty promises i find myself on this site because i know we are all going through this pain....and maybe one day we can read something that will make a difference or awaked something i dont know:(
At 11:04pm on January 14, 2010, Eileen said…
My husband of 38 years passed away on January 1, 2010. I just went back to work and am finding it very hard to reconnect with memories that I had with him. I found a taped journal that he had in the office and listening to his voice was actually comforting....I could respond as if he was on the telephone. I want to connect with the feelings but I think that I am protecting myself from the severe hurt of this trauma.....Intellectually I know it will get to be "different" but emotionally I think I am headed for a downspin.....thanks for listening
At 2:27pm on January 7, 2010, Susan W Reynolds said…
Steve's input regarding asking to talk to someone and asking them just to listen, not judge is paramount. Most friends and family, do not know what to say and just want you to get "through it" so to speak because of their own uneasiness with death. You have probably been a caretaker in some regard and being the one to ask can be daunting.. in the fact that your support of spouse or friend is gone. I felt I had to do it all, yet I did not want to do it at all!
As the bible says, ask and you shall receive. It is sometimes in unexpected places from strangers that support comes. Continue to tell your stories and ask for help. You may even consider writing your pleas down on paper, just to get them out of your mind temporarily. I have celebrated my 5 years of widowhood and have been blessed when I never felt I could see the light. My website blog @, and blogs prefaced with Room For Change, can offer some simple suggestions to pull you through the day or night. The earlier ones may be helpful. I pray for a prosperous year for all of us and one of surprises of outreach by others.
At 4:50pm on January 4, 2010, Paulette said…
I am knew to this site, I lost my husband of 42 years on December 28,2009. I hope it gets better in time, right now seriously I have my doubts.
At 6:25pm on December 31, 2009, Steve Cain said…
First off, to everyone here at this time of year, I wish us all as much peace as is possible. Marilyn, I will say to you that you may have to do the reaching and saying to your friends, I need to talk. I have done that and believe me, for those who are on your side it gets them to be there. Joyce, as my Mom said 20 years ago after we lost my Dad "You never 'get over' it". I have learned that and accept it as part of my life. To all of you, I would contact the local hospice group in your area to see what kind of individual and group support services they offer. Believe me, it has made me able to just get up in the morning and made me to where I am able to pass that advice and help to all of you. Peace.
At 7:00am on December 31, 2009, Marilyn said…
My husband died on December 1st. He was 58 and we were married 26 years. We walked into the hospital and once they took him into ER he was put on oxygen. Although he was in ICU for 8 days I never got to speak to him again. What a shock- it was downhill from the minute he walked in. I am new to this site also and I find myself coming here several times a day. I feel so bad reading all these stories. It is comforting yet it is scary too. Do things get better? I thought I was doing okay but I find myself crying more now than I was before. Everything is falling apart - the cars, the house, the finances - even raccoons in the attic - and I feel like I have no one to talk to anymore. Many friends sent cards and came to the service - they were all so helpful in the beginning - yet only one has contacted me since the service 3 weeks ago. No phone calls or emails. My daughter says people want to give me time. I don't know - it seemed like I was going to have support - and now that seems gone.
At 9:19pm on December 28, 2009, Joyce Calabrese said…
Please tell me how to get over losing the love of your life...I am hoping I can do this...we were married for over 36 years and I miss him more every day.
At 8:44pm on December 25, 2009, Lee said…
I'm new to this support group. And the holidays are so hard. It's nice to have arrived at a place that feels like home. Thank you so much for this community.
At 8:23pm on December 20, 2009, Mrs. Rachael Michael Anders said…
May God Bless YOU!! I just lost my husband out of nowhere, with 4 kids and I am so lost. He is my soul, beat to my heart, Best Friend, my #1 fan as he was mine as well. Our pain runs so very deep. Please keep the Faith, and know you r not alone!!!
Rachael Anders
At 9:03pm on December 10, 2009, vickie said…
hi steve it is going to take time to get thought this i lost my husburn 9 months ago and it like it was yesterday we was married 40 years i loss him to cancer he was to young 58 to die but i keep telling myself he not anymore pain
i seen when in so much pain and that was bad i pray every day so god will give me the strenth to make thought another day and he does keep prayer in your life and you will be ok it not easy and i dont think it will every will be but im trying i love my husburn very much annd that was a big loss ask god for your streanth
At 4:30pm on December 9, 2009, Steve Cain said…
Well I thought I was OK. Early this morning I found out about some things that have been going on under my nose that I was not really aware of and it has sent my world into a tailspin. I can not discuss details at this moment, just keep me in your thoughts and prayers at this time.
At 7:04am on December 9, 2009, Sue Darby said…
Hi Steve,
I'm new to this site and I think it is a great idea. I lost my Tom June 25, 2008. He had fought cancer for 9 years and cancer finally won. I've never spoken to anyone about my feelings of loss, grief and abandonment. As I approach my second Christmas without Tom I find myself deeper and deeper in sadness and depression. I need to share my feeling with other who have experienced the loss. I just happened upon this site and I feel it can be my salvation. I need someone to talk to. Thank you so much for helping me.

At 8:22am on December 8, 2009, Steve Cain said…
Thank you to everyone for the lovely comments here and for participating in this continuing discussion. I am doing about as well as can probably be expected for this time of year, especially my first Christmas with out Kris (we got engaged on Christmas in 2007) so I just ask you all to continue to reach out to me and to each other as the days go on.
At 9:12pm on December 3, 2009, Mary_Tupps said…
Hey! My name is Mare and I'm a widow of (nearing) 10 years now. For some reason that double-digit number is very hard to face.

I met my husband in July of 1994. We married in May 1998 and I had to scatter his cremains 19 months later.

My world fell apart the instant I learned that he was gone. My main reason for getting out of bed and living was gone, and I wanted to be too!

Twenty-four days later I founded an online support group for widowed people. That online group still is operating today. Thousands of grieving widows and widowers have found wisdom, grace, strength and courage to find their new lives in this time.

Because of my support group, hundreds of lives have been saved from suicide and "given back" by helping others to find their "new normals".

This group has also helped me to heal in the one day at a time struggle that grieving can be. Today I am a full time university student---a freshman at 48 years old, majoring in Psychology to become a professional Bereavement Counselor.

It's bittersweet that I had to learn where my talent was for helping others, however; in any other capacity I would not have the first hand knowledge and empathy for others that it has taken to reach out to others.

We all ask that ONE QUESTION when surviving a spouse (or anyone else for that matter)---"Why him and not me?" The sad answer is, my husband may never have started such an online group, those who have been blessed by it, would not have had the resources to learn how to greive or to network with others who are.

Thank you for starting this group, may your life be as blessed as those who have been blessed by it. It takes a special kind of person to stick with the stories of loss on days that we don't want to deal with our own.

To the others here, stick with your network, remember the love that was shared and the ways that your spouse touched your life and others, celebrate that they were here on their birthdays and "Angel Days", and holidays, for this keeps the paings of grief from overwhelming us.

Many blessings to each and all as we make our way through yet another holiday season without them.

My love and support to you all.


At 12:02pm on December 3, 2009, Sharon Stricklen said…
Steve, hello, just wondering how you were doing? And also wanted to thank you so much for creating this site it has helped me out more then you could know and I am sure others too
At 5:00pm on December 2, 2009, Jim Smith said…
Hi Steve,
My name is Jim. I lost my wife on Nov 8. like your wife she was very special. Iam really having a hard time.
Iam fighting guilt, what if I had done this or that etc.
Also there were a few times I said mean-spirted things over nothing NOTHING.Oh if I could take those back.
She died of Viral Pneumonia. She would have been 72 this last Thanksgiving and while thats a good life and I read of people younger I should be Thankful for the years we had but they dont seem adequate.
Anyway was wondering if you are getting better and if that emptiness in your stomach feeling has subsided?
Blessing Jim
At 12:01pm on November 30, 2009, Mary Leaver said…
Dear Steve: You have done SUCH a good thing with these pages...there is a special place in heaven for angels such as yourself. You've given/provided a comforting venue for all of us (yourself included) to provide some comfort for our grieving hearts...THANK YOU, Thank You and thank you very much = GOD BLESS YOU Steve Cain!
At 2:05pm on November 15, 2009, Jeanette Kilpatrick said…
I married my husband when I was 16 years old. If he had lived two more months, it would have been 60 years. He suffered for many years with COPD, along with cancer and other things. I asked God to end his suffering, knowing that it would be with his death. I did not know it would be so hard. I can't get over this deep depression that I am in. I don't want to talk to anyone or go any place. I force myself to go to Church because I know that is my only hope.
At 7:41am on November 9, 2009, Bernadette said…
what can anyone say but my my prayers, and thoughts give you comfort that you and i find strength and faith in whatever avenues we can. my your life guides protect you. bernadette

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