Angela   Still no word from you.   I am really worried now.   I have not been so good myself recently.  I know I have a bad habit of thinking of things to torment myself with and the most recent was the memory of my husband in the hospital after I had been told he was dead.   The sides of the bed were up and they wouldn't let me take them down to give him a last goodbye hug.   His eyes and mouth were still wide open and they would not let me close them (I wish I had just gone ahead and done it, what could they have done - arrest me?)   Mind you there were two policemen watching my every move so perhaps they would have (apparently the police are always informed if it is a sudden  death).    I was then sent out into a dark, cold, wet Yorkshire night AND LEFT HIM WITH STRANGERS.   That is the latest torment I am putting myself through.   Why didn't I stay with him.    I was always with him, how could I leave him at the time of his death.   So you see Angela, even after nearly three years (5th August) I have nightmares about it all.   It is as if a tsunami wave swept over all I know and loved and when it receded I was alone in a barren desert with nowhere to go.   My family (a sister and two nieces have not been in contact for nearly two years).   They are all the family I have.   I have some wonderful friends but you just cannot put the worst of the grief, the nights when I sit on the floor sobbing my heart out and praying to die and go to him on to friends.   They all have children, grandchildren and worries of their own and I just could not put that kind of grief on them as well,   Angela, I hope you have a supportive family and friends.   The pain isn't going to go away anytime soon.   I miss Morley (my husband) more than I can ever explain and I long to be with him again.   He was the only person who ever loved me unconditionally.   I found a picture recently of us when we were young.   My husband is so handsome and what he saw in me I'll never know.  I was not a pretty girl and he was surrounded by gorgeous students.   I am just so glad that he saw in me something he wanted because he made me the happiest woman in the World.   I'm sure your husband did the same for you and you can never ever get over the feeling of complete loss when you lose that.   Hang in there Angela.   I think everyone on legacy had met their soul mates and soul mates are always reunited so hang on and come on here and tell us your story again and again if that helps.   You will always find a willing ear.

Love and hugs

Helen

Hi Angela  You have not posted for some tome and I have been worried about you.   The pain of your loss will not go away any time soon so don't let anyone tell you otherwise.   It is nearly three years for me and I still feel as if I have a bloody gash where my heart one was.   Please take your time and grieve all you want.   The legacy is here for you and we are all in the same place.   No one who has not lost a spouse has walked in our shoes and hence cannot understand the pain er are in.    No other bereavement (except perhaps that of a child) can compare and there is no way you can speed it up.   It takes whatever time it takes - different for everyone.   I am thinking of you Angela

Angela   Thank you for adding me as a friend.   Although we are miles apart in both space and age, I think we have so much in common re how our husbands died.    I am honoured to have you as a friend.

Angela, im so sorry that you are struggling with your recent loss. I know how you feel, you almost speak like i feel. The new normal, i feel that way. I wish there was an easy answer for our loss but all we can do is the best with what we are dealing with. One day at a time.

Thinking of you and hope the day gets a little better for you .. Cheryl