• 45, Female
  • Conway, SC
  • United States
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At 7:34pm on July 30, 2010, angel said…
hi angi. i just found this website and wanted to respond to your story. i am 38 and my husband died at 33 from cancer 5 years ago this august at our home. he was sick for 4 years. we watched him deteriorate to nothing. he was a big tall handsome man with no health problems and took care of himself. we don't know where the cancer came from . to this day i think its environmental. my son and daughter were 7 and 9 when he passed. they are 12 and 14 now and the reasons i kept living. we met at age 15 and he was in my life for more than half of it. we married at 20 and he got a rare cancer at 30. our life was perfect til then. 5 years later im still mourning so much. i think of him everyday still. cant' believe it. i guess i haven't accepted it yet. ive done real widow support groups, one on one counceling, books, the bible, church, and nothing takes it away. It still feels like yesturday to me. 5 years doesn't even compare to 18 years.. i feel cheated and for my kids too. i haven't had any relationships since and really don't want any right now. have plenty to keep my busy..but would not want to spend the rest of my life alone. i just couldn't go thru this again with another person. too hard.. I've even prayed to God totake it away so many times. each day we push thru we are stronger than we think, and our spouses would have wanted us to live life to the fullest and not have us die when they did... hope this helps..
At 11:38am on June 9, 2010, Susan said…
Hi are things there with you? Do you need me to put on my clown face and make you smile? Smile at the world, honey, even if you don't feel like it. Grief is a horrific thing, and very difficult to handle under the best of circumstances.
If ever you need to talk, message me. You can also email me at I'm here for you.
At 1:09pm on April 10, 2010, kama said…
i have lost my husband very recently. i am also unable to cope with the loss. i cry hard daily and eventhat is not helping. hope we get out from the grief.
At 2:47pm on March 17, 2010, Susan said…
Angi, because I DO understand, you are welcome to message me anytime in any way, even if in anger. I have been there and done that. We all need someone, and if I can be that someone for you, then I can be strong for you. Just remember that I am always here for you, no matter what.
I, too, jumped into a relationship after my husband passed. That relationship resulted in my 2nd husband molesting my daughter for 4 years, starting at age 4. She will be 31 in May, and is doing fantastic now. Will give you the whole story to get to work for now.

At 11:33am on March 17, 2010, Susan said…
How are you? Was just thinking of you, and wanted to send you a hug.
You know, there is really no right or wrong way to grieve...........everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Whem my first hubby passed away, I'd cry every where..even in church. Tears are part of your healing, so if you need to cry, then cry. Don't let anyone tell you it isn't right or it's taking too long. It took me quite a few years. What you DO need to do is fins something to do............a craft class, go back to school, anything. You may have to force yourself to do this, but it makes you think of something else, even if only for a short while. Call a friend and go to a movie, even if you cry through it.
It will get better, Angi.................just give yourself time.
When my husband died, my sons were 6 and 3, and my daughter was not quite 2 months old. She never had a chance to know her dad. I was just short of 25.
I hadn't finished high school, as we got married when he was 18 and I was 16. I was not pregnant at the time. I was stupid and quit school. I was even dumber and didn't go back to school when he died. I finally got my GED after he'd been gone for 25 years.
Take control, little one....................don't let the grief drag you down til you just can't get up again. I'm here if you need me. Comment anytime.

Love and hugs..............Susan
At 12:21pm on March 16, 2010, Susan said…
Angie, I DO know how you feel. I was 24 when my first husband died in a car accident almost 31 years ago. Feel free to email I'm here for you anytime.

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