Ann A
  • 77, Female
  • Nashville, TN
  • United States
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  • Lois Ann

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At 10:45pm on August 16, 2012, Randy Senn said…

I have a therapist who has helped me so much. My wife and I as it was broght to my attention were suffering from codependency, relationship, sex and other addictions that we were not aware of... She was an enabler and a caretaker. This giving is beautiful but it was distorted. I could no longer give her what I did in the beginning and then it happened. She became isolated. Guilt and blame set in as well as resent for her. She convenienced herself that I no longer cared and she could not express her feelings. communication was superficial in order to avoid conflict. Our marriage became one sided and I had to suggest everything. Where to go, what to do, etc... A very sad but real experience that I am now only realizing. It was as if she needed me to pry out the leaast little thing in her that was good. I will never forget one day when were were both on the internet for hours and I got bored. I said to her "Lets go to the park" She said "How did you know what I was thinking?" I told her if she ever wanted to do anything all she had to do was say something. She was raised in a family that made her believe that the man was everything. So she was submissive in that respect. She would do her part once I suggested a trip or something. Society back then made it appear that the housewife was just supposed to do her part and stay silent sometimes. finanally she became angry one day and all of it came out. She even used to punish me when she though I was not paying attention to her. And then when I did it was as if she felt like she was being used instead of feeling accepted and loved. If any of this makes sense. We did come to terms  a month before she died but denial of death and other issues interfered once again. Shed died before we both could try and start over. What I also did not realize is that she had gone 2 years before I met her with her heart problems and she did not want to listen to the Dr. She told me in the beginning that she had an enlarged heart and afib. We were blindly in love and I never questioned her. If was if she wanted to live her bucket list and I sure did that with her. Even in the end, I saw the signs and denied them. I feel really bad about it and blame myself for being so stupid. I realize now that I denied my previous wife's death and never dealt with it. So with us, were were both doing the best we could with our limited knowledge and I guess that's ok. I just did not know.... And I have to forgive myself for that.... A sad way to end such a fairy tale marriage that was beautiful but so very tragic in the end.......

At 10:45pm on February 11, 2010, Ann A said…
Bob fiance, soul mate, love of my life
I also belong to
a group where everyone has lost a partner by suicide.
I tried to put a photo of Bob on here but it wouldn't load correctly.
At 10:56am on November 14, 2009, Lois Ann said…
Glad you joined. Looks like a great site.
Hugs to you my heart sister

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