Sorry I am so long getting back to you. I don't look on here every day; part of trying to make sure I don't let myself slip into deep grief. I know I will grieve, but I promised Billy I would not let this grief affect my children like we had seen other family's do. When one family member can't function, it affects the entire family. It's only been a little over a month, but I think I am doing ok, but I do miss him and think of him every single day. I often want to tell him things that happen during the day, but reality comes back. I think because I saw him die and his spirit lift from his body, that actually helped me accept that he is gone and not returnning. Cancer is a really bad thing, but it gave us the opportunity to repeatedly tell each other that we loved each other and I will keep him in my heart forever.