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  • Angier, NC
  • United States
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Hi Jackie,
We have to thank God for having the time with our moms. She was diagnosed in January with stage 4 lung cancer. When it was discovered it had already spread to her bones and liver. She was amazing and we were able to pack of lot of wonderful times in 9 months. I consider that a gift. My brothers, sister and I have gotten incredibility close. Daddy died 25 years ago so mom was all we had left. Tonight after all the Christmas stuff was over I went to her house and cried and yelled at her. I'm so damn mad with her for dying. I never thought she would.
When I get real down I think of something Benjamin, one of my 4 year old nephews told me. Shortly before mom died he started talking about heaven. One of his cats died 2 years ago and he told me the doctor didn't have the medicine to make him well but God has special medicine and he made him well. He said people are so happy in heaven they never want to leave. He was extremely close to mom, but when he was told she went to heaven he seemed ok. It's been a month and he hasn't mentioned her. A couple of weeks ago we were at her house and he asked me where mema was and I said, remember, she went to heaven. He said ok and that was the end of the conversation. Today while driving to my aunt's house I thought about the wonderful Christmas she must be having. I try to focus on things like that. I still have a hard time when I realize I'll never see her again. It's like, what's the point? It's not going to get better. I'm not going to "get over it".
Men handle grief differently. I see how my brothers are handling it. They have to "do" stuff. Handle business, do all the legal things, give away her things, sell the house. I don't want to do any of it. I don't know what I'll do when the house is gone. As much as it hurts to go there knowing she's not there, I get comfort there. She loved the house and her neighbors. It's like losing another piece of her. They're dealing with it the best way they know how, and I'm sure your dad is as well. Men don't deal with grief well, or being alone. I hope ya'll will be there for each other.
Did you have Hospice with your mom? They have counseling available for you and your little boy. Please think about it. Take care of yourself. I know it's hard right now. I guess it'll get easier someday. It has to. If you ever need me, please know that I'm here for you.

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At 2:51pm on January 20, 2010, JunePeony said…
I know what you mean. I can't even bring myself to give the fridge the real cleaning it deserves. I have herbal tea in there (for Mom), organic goods I bought (for Mom) and the Christmas foods still in the freezer because we never got to enjoy them. Our family tragedy happened over the holidays and I can't bring myself to do much of anything. Why are stupid organic and frozen vegetables here when our beautiful mothers are not?

Lisa (JunePeony)
At 9:19pm on December 27, 2009, Lauran said…
Debbie... if you can avoid giving away the "big stuff" for a while, do! I can NOT make myself clean out mom's makeup drawers, bathroom vanity drawers, her closet... nothing. If you don't absolutely have to do it, don't. The day will come when those tasks will not be quite as painful.

I am so sorry you lost your mother, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to cope with.

At 7:50pm on December 25, 2009, Jackie said…
I lost my mom to lung cancer on Sunday and I, too, have no idea how to live my life without her. I have called her at lunch and before bed since she was diagnosed 14 months ago and have visited her every day after work that she felt up to it. I am a single mom with a 20 month old that doesn't understand why we can't see Gran any more. My dad is going to throw himself in to work now (which I understand) and will travel during the week and I have no idea what to do with my time. So after I put my son to bed each night, I cry, and cry and cry and while I already know that I will miss her every day for the rest of my life, I can't figure out what to DO with my life!!! Every task is too large and every day is too long...I feel completely alone without my mom...
At 9:25pm on December 23, 2009, Missing Momma said…
Hi Debbie, thanks for your kind words.....I remember thinking just two weeks ago, "this will be my last Christmas with Mom". I didn't even get that : (
What type of cancer did she have? I am sorry for your loss as well. I am pretty sure neither of our mom's would want us to be miserable for the Holidays, and I am trying, but I still keep wanting to pick up the phone and call her

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