Elvira Castellanos
  • Female
  • North Bergen, NJ
  • United States
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Does it really get any better?

Posted on March 12, 2014 at 9:35pm 0 Comments

As the days go on, I seem to be getting worse, not a day has gone by without tears, my son gets married exactly 4 months from today & I wish I could feel some happiness because it is not fair to him that I am just going thru the motions, he tells me he also misses his dad & would like nothing more than for his dad to be present at his wedding like he was at his brother's but that he is worried about me because at this point he would not want to lose another parent & he feels my…


Can't stop crying

Posted on March 10, 2014 at 1:53pm 5 Comments

Yesterday was a very bad day, it was one month since my love passed away, I still think I am in a nightmare that I will wake up from eventually only to realize it will not happen, being angry, the why's is not going away, I can't stop crying & could not go to work today because I just could not sleep last night at all, so I could not function today, everybody says it will get better with time but I seem to be getting worse, haven't been able to go back to church or the mausoleum, I am…


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At 12:06am on December 31, 2014, Trina Mamoon said…

Dear Elvira,

I believe that souls live on, and so your beloved husband can hear you. Tell him all the unsaid things you have for him, and he will hear you. I so know what you mean. My husband was in a lot of pain the last couple of weeks before his passing, and I still was in denial thinking/praying for a miracle. I didn't say a lot of things that I would have lied to say to him. But I did tell him that I love him. So now every night before going to sleep I talk to him, even if it's for a few minutes. My grief therapist gave me this idea. And I tell you I feel some comfort when I talk to him. I know he can hear me. You might want to start doing this, making this a part of your daily routine, this way it will feel like that he is there with you in spirit.

Tomorrow I am going to Florida with my family (we have no children) to celebrate New Year. I cannot tell you how scared I am of that. For the first time in 19 years my most wonderful husband will not be here with me, and he never will be again. It's so terribly painful. 

I pray for all of us on this forum to have courage and to be able to make it through the next couple of days. Wishing you peace this New Year

Hugs, Trina

At 12:06am on December 31, 2014, Kathy Parker said…
Thank you, Elvira. Your words of kind support mean everything. I'm looking forward to the day when I won't be feeling this unrelenting pain. Good luck on your journey,Hugs to you, Kathy
At 12:45am on December 29, 2014, Trina Mamoon said…

Thank you, Elvira for your kind words of encouragement. I am so sorry for your loss. How unbearably hard it must have been for your to go through Valentine's Day so soon after your husband's passing.

People who haven't lost a beloved spouse do not understand what a traumatic experience this is. The loss of a beloved spouse has to be one of the most painful experience that one has to endure. It's such a cruelty that spouses cannot die together; there is always (almost) one spouse who has to endure the irreparable loss. It shouldn't have to be this way. How I wish I could go join my darling Joseph.

At 6:50am on October 23, 2014, Marie said…

Sorry for not writing Elvira but I had my kids in town visiting so it has been pretty busy.  My good friend from Arizona is also visting.  She is staying until Monday, the kids have all left.  I don't know whats wrong with me but instead of being happy that they were here all I think about is that they are leaving or gone.  Will we ever be happy again.  Sure on the surface people will say that it looks like I'm doing well but they have no idea.  I'm sorry that you are feeling all this sadness.  I know how that is and like every one say baby steps.  This is a first for you for everything.  This will be my second Christimas without John and I am dreading it already.  Doesn't help that I dom't have a job and have all this extra time to think about everything.  Stay strong and remember I think of you all the time and talk about you and the grief group and how wonderful it has been in helping me through this.

Many hugs


At 11:12am on October 22, 2014, Michelle said…

Elvira, thank you for the comment on my page. I am glad to have found this website. It seems selfish but it helps knowing I am not the only one grieving.

I am very sorry for you loss and my prayers are with you. Hugs are being sent your way.

I  read a comment below from Marie about you going on vacation last month. How was it?

I look forward to days where I feel like doing those things.
Take care.


At 10:07pm on September 13, 2014, Marie said…


Thank you so much for your kindness.  It truly means a lot to me..sometimes I feel so alone and yet I don't want to reach out to anyone. Your sister is right you need to control your stress so you don't end up in the hospital.  I hope you enjoy your vacation and get to relax. You certainly deserve it.  Write to me when if you get a chance and I'm sure your husband is with you and happy that you are having a little fun. 

Take care and hugs to you


At 11:01am on September 11, 2014, Marie said…

Today is 14 months since John left me.  I feel like crap and miss him more than ever.  I think I need to talk to the doctor about anti depressants.  I don't want to take anything but I need this feeling of extreme sadness to go away.  Sorry to share my sadness with you just before your vaation.  Just needed to talk.

At 9:02am on September 6, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Elvira

Sounds like you are going to have a lovely vacation and well deserved.  It is totally different traveling without our spouses but I'm certain that you will find peace during r ing your travels.  There will be times when you suddenly get sad and almost feel guilty that you're enjoying yourself.  At least this is how I felt at times.  I had to turn my attention to something else to get the thought out if my mind.

I'm doing alright just can't seem to shake the sadness.  My daughter is experiencing depression and that certainly doesn't help my situation. I'm trying not to show my sadness so we can help her.

I keep busy but I feel like I wait for the day to be over so I can crawl into bed and hide.  Sounds silly and you are probably the only one I would say this to.

I know you understand and are going th through your own grieve and sadness and I'm so sorry.

Have a wonderful cheerful trip.

Hugs and prayers


At 8:37am on September 1, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Elvira, Thanks for writing. I completely understand how the depression makes you not want to write. I'm doing ok, the feeling of sadness just hangs onto me like it will never let go and I feel like I will never know what being completely happy again is like. I have my kids so yes I am happy for them but I can't explain it but I just don't feel complete. After the year mark instead of it getting better it has gotten worse for me. I don't say too much to people anymore because I know they don't want to hear it. So I just sit at home and cry. 

Enough about me you know how it feels I don't need to tell you.  I know what you mean about the plane ride.  I had so much anxiety knowing I was flying for hours by myself that's why I think I ended up getting sick out there.  You will have your sister so try to relax. Most importantly be positive and have a wonderful time.  You may have told me but I forgot where you are going on your trip. And the new baby will be arriving shortly and you will be a busy grandma. I know all too well how tuff it is on you and I wish I could tell you it will get better but I think it is an individual thing.  No one can say after the first year it's better I found that to not be true.  Hang in there and keep writing.  You and Barbara are a god send to me.

Hugs and prayers for peaceful times.


At 9:41pm on August 25, 2014, Marie said…

Hi Elvira,

Yes I am back home.  Got back last Sunday but just like you have been very busy at work and extremely sad and lonely.  People don't understand when I say I'm lonely since I just spent 10 days with my son and daughter in. law.  But I am and I was while on vacation action as well.  I just feel like a shadow of sadness follows everyday,every moment.  Sorry I didn't mean to depress you.  That's wonderful 

That you will be going on vacation soon .  It does help to get away and have moments or days when you can actually forget for awhile.  I was meaning to write you but just haven't had the energy. I think I'm going through another round of depression and I'm trying very hard to get myself out of it.  Thanks for thinking of me  that helps a lot.  I always think of you and wonder how you are doing.  I like when you post happy times on Facebook.  It makes me smile.  Take care and lots of hugs and prayers are being sent your way.



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