Jackie, I was in a fog the first Christmas too. I tried to do something special on many of the firsts. For Dave's birthday, I cooked one of his favorite meals and toasted him with a cocktail before dinner. Our house belonged to his family, and I had to move out. I owned a home in the town where I work. I had been renting it out while we were married. I spent a lot of time packing up my belongings and getting ready. As soon as my renters moved out, I put in new carpeting and moved in.
I work at the local college, and that was really good for me. Yes, the weekends were difficult (still are). I started doing things like...a movie night on Sundays. I didn't have a tv, so I would set up my laptop. It was winter, so every night I built a fire in the fireplace and had a cup of ginger tea. Recently, I heard that ginger is good for people who are grieving. I think it was setting up some kind of daily ritual that helped. All of our daily rituals had disappeared. I still miss him, but I refuse to stop my life. I know he would not want me to give up.
I said something to my girlfriend about not being there for her when her husband died, and she said... How could you have known. She was right. There is no way to know unless you have experienced the death of your spouse.