Hi Jo .... It was wonderful hearing from you and I do understand how you feel as I am going through the same things you are. I feel I have to act natural; have a smile pasted on my face, but when we lose our spouses we don't feel whole at the time and everything reminds us of them. I think in time we will get through this, but it is one heck of a ride Jo as all of us have found out. Between all of us here we'll get through this and I do believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
When you feel very low remember me. I had a bad day on Tuesday and did absolutely nothing and sometimes beat myself up over it. I promise each night I will do better the next day and I've made myself out a liar on many occasions.
Jo .. I can so relate to you. It is going on 3 months for me since my Ernie passed away and I look around the house feeling I should be doing more, but my mind and body just won't cooperate. Sometimes I don't want to move off the couch at all. I can keep my blinds closed so I am not bothered by neighbors; sometimes I will answer the phone and sometimes not. I ask myself why bother? I seem to go 10 steps forwards some days and then 20 back. Even though you may not feel like it force yourself to get out of your home and go some place you use to go that gave you peace of mind, such as walking the beach; a pathway; sitting on a bench watching a creek or river going by. It helps! I force myself to take the dogs out for a walk because they make me and then I sit on the bench and watch the river go by and sometimes I just have a good cry and sometimes not. I am often exhausted when I get back, but it feels good and at least I have done one thing during the day and that is all we can expect when we are grieving. Know that you are in my prayers every night (all of you on here are in my prayers) and that we are strong and will get through this. When I get so down and I feel like I can't get back up for another battle of living through a day I think about the thousands upon thousands of other widows/widowers that have gone through what we are going through and have made it and are either active outside the home or have found a companion (it's each individual's choice.) I know it seems that will never happen and I can't see it happening to me, but think back in our lives to what we thought we wouldn't attain and we did and the best win-fall of all was our spouses and I am so grateful I had that. Hang in there Jo.
Move ovah Jo ... Sometimes I feel like I am going crazy too and have a good cry which does relieve it to some degree. Often I had heard of others losing their spouses and I felt terrible for them, but I never knew how great the pain was until it happened to me. It wasn't that I didn't care, I had just never experienced it before. I am so glad you like the link and be sure everyone you know gets it so they can ease the pressure of you. We all know how terrible the 'green apple two step is' but one does not have to experience to have some idea how it feels. It appears you and I are so close together in the grieving period and I am so sorry you are going through it, but it makes me feel better knowing and relate when the memories of our loved ones are so fresh in our memories. Not taking anything away from anyone on here as we all suffer and there is no time limit on grieving. I pray each night all of us will find peace in our life; keep our loved one close and enjoy life again.