• Female
  • Topeka, KS
  • United States
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At 3:25pm on June 1, 2011, Tammy Fahrendorff said…

I know the pain. We want someone to feel the pain we feel. But how can they if have never been through it. It amazes me how strong we are to be living without the ones we love the most.

I do understand waking up feeling sad and lonely. Oh the loneliness! I hate that feeling! Those dreams/nightmares do feel like you are losing them all over again. I've had one good dream of Erik and that was right after he died and I felt the feeling of laying in his arms and it felt that's what heaven will feel like. Now, unfortunately I only have these nightmares where he hasn't died and he is hiding from me and his death was a lie. I'm trying to find him and he doesn't want to be found or be with me. My psychologist said I am feeling rejected even though I know he didn't leave me on purpose. I guess I feel guilty that I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I am still working through this slowly but surely. I think this past year is the most normal I have felt. I kinda feel like I can focus a little more on others rather than my grief. I did lose touch with a lot of people and I wish that I didn't withdraw so much but you gotta due what you gotta due to heal. People say I'm here if you need me and they can try but it's not the same. It's hard to be around people that are happy and living life to it's fullest when ours feels so empty. We are normal for feeling this way. Loss of a loved one will do that to you. I don't care how crazy we sound, we just miss them! You take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to reach out and need people. Say I need you now and when it's your time to need me I will be there for you. Because at one time or another most of us will go thru it.

At 11:55am on March 21, 2011, Debbie Treadway said…
Joan, thanks for your encouragement. i think everyone has to do this when they feel that they are ready.
My bedroom was a mess and my daughter agreed to help me clean up so i decided this was the time. Also Waymon's sister is such a dear and she is wearing some of the things I gave her so that makes me feel good knowing that someone he loved has his things. We also had to sell some tools because he was a carpenter by trade, but i have a cousin that bought some of those things just to keep because they were Waymon's. I even asked several of our friends that if something happened to them would they want their wives to hang on to all their stuff and they all said no so that made me feel a little better about what I did. It was very difficult to let go of his things because he was such a pack rat and liked to keep everything but his family and mine kept telling me that it was the right thing to do. Thanks again for your support.

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