Lee Larkin
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On April 4th 2004 I suddenly lost my husband to a massive heart attack. He was 54 years old. My husband's father died at the age of 49 from a heart attack, so we were aware of this running in his family. My husband was a conscious exerciser, watched his diet and had regular doctor visits. In other words, he was doing everything he should have been doing. He appeared so healthy, that the doctor's in the ER could not determine his cause of death and made it a coroner's case. My son found him unconscious on the treadmill, where he had been exercising. They were not able to revive him. It was a total shock to everyone and traumatic for me. The first year I walked around in a dream. My mind had problems accepting that this had really happened. We have three children and it was traumatic for them also. For two years, I could not stop crying. I lost my partner of almost 35 years. I always imagined us growing old together. Now, I don't cry everyday, even though I still have moments. Time has helped me to deal with my grief. It is not something you get over, but you learn to live with it and deal with it. Everything is different and I am learning to deal with everything differently. Things do not even look the same anymore.

A year before my husband died, I lost my brother to cancer. It was unexpected for me because I had hope that he would get better. So, I was still grieving my brother when my husband unexpectedly died. When things like this happen you feel like you are the only one it is happening to. However, when I finally came out of my daze, I realize that it happend to many people. Loss is something most of us don't deal with very well. It's different for each and every one of us. Each and every one of us deal with it differently. My whole life is so changed. I truly don't sweat the small stuff.

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At 4:37am on April 21, 2009, Maria Morreale said…
Dear Lee,

I am so sorry for all your losses. OMG; and I too don't sweat the small stuff. How are your children? I remember having my Father staying with me and my husband until he died, just a few weeks actually. When my brother noticed that Daddy was turning purple, I knew then, so I ran upstairs to my bathroom and looked in the mirror very calmly and said "Maria, your Father just died" and with no emotion. I received a phone call from his doctor about an hour after Daddy died and I said to the dr., something is wrong with me; I wasn't crying. The doctor said to me that there is nothing wrong with me that "you have been crying for 3 months". My father made me feel safe and loved always. In my case, just another piece of my heart torn out. Eighteen (18) months later my Mother died.

My nephew went to sleep and never woke up. He was only 17; autopsy said every organ in his body was infected. He had an infection and knowing this would not have happened had he been on antibiotics really is such a waste of life. But Frankie was not a complainer; Frankie died in 2005. then my sister died in 2006 at 50. My sister,Christine and I didn't get along, really with any of my siblings, as I am the oldest of 5, but I did go to where she lived after she died to see her laid out; I could not stop crying, I cried for months over the death of my sister; she had moved to Elizabethtown, NY. We are from Trenton, NJ. I will pray for you for "healing". Take care of yourself. Write back if you wish.

At 4:37am on March 10, 2009, Koko's MoM said…
Dear Lee,
I am sorry for your losses, your wise words reflect the depth of what you experienced. Very wise and thank you for helping comfort others with your thoughts and guidance.
At 7:10pm on August 5, 2008, Thomasine Smith said…
I'm glad to hear from you and happy to know that you are able to pray. Prayer is really a conversation between us and God, so it is very personal. It can and will be a great source of encouragement. You can tell God any and everything. Pour out your heart to him. He will listen. 2 Corinthians 1:3 him the God of all comfort." And indeed he is.

If you ever need someone to talk to or just vent. I'm available. Just let me know and I'll give you my email address. Take care.
At 10:48pm on August 2, 2008, Thomasine Smith said…
I am so very sorry for your loss. I have been married for 34 years so I can only imagine how hard it is for you. My husband got sick a couple of months ago and I thought I would lose him. But he recovered. Since that time I have been thinking about how hard it would be without him. I've known him forever, we lived next door for many years when we were children. However, I am firmly convinced that if he were to fall asleep in death that God would help me cope. Psalm 34:18 says: Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; and those who are crushed in spirit he saves. I believe that and I know God will help you. Pray to him often. He will hear you and he will help you.
At 10:35am on May 27, 2008, Jessica said…
Lee, I'm so sorry. How terrible losing your brother and husband, and so close together. I'm sure they are watching over you and are proud of you.

I agree with you about most of us not dealing well with loss. It's something we all go through, and yet it seems like we don't talk about it much.
At 5:13pm on May 24, 2008, Tammy said…
Lee, Thank you for your words.. I had been a little down lately. I am still trying to accept my loss. I am by no means, woe is me. That is not who i am. But when i am alone, i can be myself and see that the reality is that they are both gone. And i miss them so much. My sister was my confidant. I did not have to tell her something was wrong, she just knew. David was also my soul mate. We could not do enough for each other. I'm sorry about your losses as well. I know life has to go on, i have seen it go on around me. When my sister died, my husband kept telling me that life has to go on, that the sun will come back up again in the morning, and that we will never forget but we must live on. I am trying to live his legacy, we have a little boy. It's just sometimes i don't want to. But for my little boy, i pick myself up and keep on going. I think you know what i mean. But i wanted to thank you again for your very kind words.

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