Linda R. Thrasher-Rocker's Friends

View All

Linda R. Thrasher-Rocker's Groups

loss of a parent

1351 members
1131 Comments 56 Likes

View All

Linda R. Thrasher-Rocker's Page

Profile Information

Comment Wall (16 comments)

You need to be a member of LegacyConnect to add comments!

Join LegacyConnect

At 12:31pm on July 5, 2011, Jennifer C. said…: About cleaning out things at your parent's house. I can 100% relate. That's what we've been doing the last couple of weekends and the thoughts that go through my head, "I'll never have another chance to see my Dad's things." Even throwing away a scrap of paper - will I see his handwriting again? His answering machine - will I hear his voice again? Adding to the stress, I have nowhere to store all of it, I'm still in an apartment. So I'm trying to draw a line where I'm saving enough, but not too much. I find it really difficult. My brother had a nice solution. He wants to find a place that could really use his clothes - particularly the winter coats like a homeless shelter. I think my Dad would be happy that his donation was able to keep someone less fortunate warm. Still visiting churches looking for a home church. Visited one last weekend where they were really friendly. Met the pastors, and a number of the members. the next day, a congregation member dropped off brownies - to welcome us - and the pastors sent a letter also welcoming us. Still have a few more to visit but this one could be a strong possibility. Take care, Jennifer

At 12:25pm on July 5, 2011, Jennifer C. said…: Hi Linda, Hoping you had a fantastic holiday weekend. Sorry I have been offline for so long. I was in Milwaukee working at my Dad's since Friday - and a bit burried at work prior to that. We did get quite a lot accomplished this weekend. It always seems like there's so much to do. It became more apparent than ever this weekend the smoke damage to everything based on his pipe smoking. There is a rather significant color difference on the walls where the pictures had been vs. the rest of the wall. It makes me ill to think of everything that was going into his lungs. The big thing I was thinking about the last week or so is how I am having issues relating to most people. Where it's most notable is when people casually say, "So what do you have planned this summer." I just stand there blank faced, (deer in headlights) like I have no response! Like I don't even have a connection to life as it was. And "dealing with my dead Dad's estate" is not the popular answer. So I make up some stupid comment, like, "Oh, we're planning to get out of town" or "That's a good question, I need to plan some more!" It just makes me feel like noone understands. I always feel like I'm trying to cover up my feelings to people I don't know well, and most people at work. For instance some guy asked me "So what did you do for Father's Day?" Since I don't have a husband who's a dad to at least form another point of reference, I just feel loss, and I change the subject. Can you relate to all these feelings? It makes me happy to hear about your cats and that they have someone there to take care of them. I feel the same - I always want to adopt one of the animals that might be more difficult to place. I used to volunteer at the shelter when I was in Madison and I always tried to spend extra time with those guys. They're all so sweet.

At 3:54pm on June 29, 2011, Deborah Grate Bennett said…: Thank you so much, Linda. Yes, today was a good day. I actually got to talk about my mom to some kids today and they were very compassionate. They actually made me feel good about how we all handled the last moments we had with Mom. God is good! Each day is a new challenge, but we're ready to face them. God's speed be with you and many blessings.

Deborah

At 12:43pm on June 24, 2011, Jennifer C. said…: I'm glad to hear you are getting work done on the rental. It's draining to be doing all the physical work, but not as draining as the emotional, I think. We spent hours last week washing my Dad's walls. They were very dirty - not sure they were ever washed while he lived there (15 years) - and the grit from smoking his pipe did not make things better. The whole place smells like Pine Sol now. We had to change the water every couple of minutes. We only got a couple of rooms done, but a good start. I'm staying home this weekend and planning to spend the long weekend next week there scrubbing, painting, etc. I decided to put myself first this weekend - maybe the first time since my dad passed - and study up for a job interview I have coming up in a couple of weeks. Still at my same company but a different function. I'll be married in my later 30's myself - that is if I finally get somthing planning in the next year or so! I'll be 39 in August. I think it's nice that you're getting cards from the church. I got a second card from someone a couple of weeks after the funeral saying - saying she was still thinking about you and hoping I was doing well. That was so nice! It was gutsy for someone at church to assume you were mad at God. I did hear from a lady at church that people are affected in different ways by death - some feel closer to the church, some feel angry at the church regarding their loss ... I work in marketing for a large corporation - my fiance (Bob) moved to Neenah with me and started at the same company in January, when I had been here already for about a year. I had the strangest dream last night. In the dream, my dad was alive yet - a doctor told me he was going to die - I went into a room where he was sitting in a chair, grabbed onto his arm and cried and cried. He just sat there unaffected, staring straight forward. It was very odd b/c his actual death was unexpected - nothing like the dream happened, or could have for that matter.

At 12:43pm on June 24, 2011, Jennifer C. said…: I'm glad to hear you are getting work done on the rental. It's draining to be doing all the physical work, but not as draining as the emotional, I think. We spent hours last week washing my Dad's walls. They were very dirty - not sure they were ever washed while he lived there (15 years) - and the grit from smoking his pipe did not make things better. The whole place smells like Pine Sol now. We had to change the water every couple of minutes. We only got a couple of rooms done, but a good start. I'm staying home this weekend and planning to spend the long weekend next week there scrubbing, painting, etc. I decided to put myself first this weekend - maybe the first time since my dad passed - and study up for a job interview I have coming up in a couple of weeks. Still at my same company but a different function. I'll be married in my later 30's myself - that is if I finally get somthing planning in the next year or so! I'll be 39 in August. I think it's nice that you're getting cards from the church. I got a second card from someone a couple of weeks after the funeral saying - saying she was still thinking about you and hoping I was doing well. That was so nice! It was gutsy for someone at church to assume you were mad at God. I did hear from a lady at church that people are affected in different ways by death - some feel closer to the church, some feel angry at the church regarding their loss ... I work in marketing for a large corporation - my fiance (Bob) moved to Neenah with me and started at the same company in January, when I had been here already for about a year. I had the strangest dream last night. In the dream, my dad was alive yet - a doctor told me he was going to die - I went into a room where he was sitting in a chair, grabbed onto his arm and cried and cried. He just sat there unaffected, staring straight forward. It was very odd b/c his actual death was unexpected - nothing like the dream happened, or could have for that matter.

At 5:51pm on June 16, 2011, Jennifer C. said…: Hi Linda, It is funny you are talking about all the 'stuff' - I have been dealing with that too the last couple of weekends as we begin to sort through it all. We have done most of the clothing and food so far, which I think is actually the easiest to do. Not too many pieces of clothing have emotional connection so we were able to box most of it up. And we just eat the food while we're working! Although my brother and I had a good laugh over some of the t-shirts I think my dad still had from the '80's ... I am dreading dealing with all the rest of the stuff. Not only going through it all but also finding a 'home' for everything. I still feel at times that I am going through someone's stuff and invading their privacy. Ughhh. But the fun part is that every now and again you find something that is just so totally 'him' and brings a smile to your face. I'm in the same boat as you with church. I was going relatively regularly - we were looking for a new congregation here in Neenah as I haven't picked one yet. Now it seems like we can never go - I'm at my dad's or exhausted after leaving my dad's. Fortunately, I still feel close to God and that brings me comfort during these times. Nothing on the wedding yet - it's unfortunate, but between work and Dad the last couple of months, I don't have a lot more energy. We did (finally) find a place to get our engagement photos taken so at least that's a small step in the right direction. Can you tell me more about your family? Husband and children? What does your husband do? Has he been good through this all? You know at some point that car title is going to show up in the strangest place!!!!

At 12:52pm on June 15, 2011, Jennifer C. said…: Hi Linda! I was just thinking about you the other day - I'm happy to hear from you. It's weird with Father's Day. Every time I hear about it I think of my Dad, or that it must be nice for other people who still have their dad's - but it was never a huge holiday for us. So luckily it hasn't been as hard as I expected. Yes, I've been back to work now - and have been very happy to be here. It's very healthy to get my mind off things. I was really concerned people would keep bringing up my dad and take me to a bad place, but the conversation has been appropriate. Most people show their concern by just asking me how I am doing and seem to have a good sense of when I want to talk - or don't. It's weird in that I'll still go through a couple of days of feeling nothing - then a week of feeling very sad and depressed over the loss. Yesterday I got back the photos from the funeral home and put them up on the wall at work. That was a mistake. It just brought the difficult thoughts back to mind too often. So it's sad, but I needed to put the photos away. I look forward to putting them back up as I'm further along in my grief. There are still friends of my dad that have just found out - for instance one guy was trying to call my dad - the phone was disconnected - did an internet search and found the obit. So he calls me and I go right back to that first week after I found out. I know I have alluded to the fact that my dad's estate is a mess. It's still overwhelming at times. Without disclosing too much in this venue: tax issues, his home is a mess (it was flooded and not kept up), his car has damage that was never fixed, he never settled the estate of his aunt for whom he was an executor. And believe it or not his aunt is getting sued with a jury trial this fall!!! Almost comical. One step at a time. I am wondering how things are going for you?

At 11:02pm on May 27, 2011, Linda R. Thrasher-Rocker said…: well my dear sweet Moo Moo...on the 26th was your Birthday ...you would have been 72 years old...woke up and sang to you in Heaven, put a candle in my toast and made the scambled eggs with potatoes, onions, cheese and ham mix that you like, a frostly with french fries for a lunch treat and a shrimp dressed poboy for dinner - all with candles to blow out and make a wish like we do every year...bought something at the SAINTS store - as you would have picked for a gift, planted a rose bush (called Stairway To Heaven ) and rescued a blind kitten - who we shall adopt...I miss you so much...love you forever...