I am sorry to hear that you lost your husband two years ago. It must be so hard, and I know what you mean about now wanting to wake up. My husband died August 4th of this year.The heart attack that took him has broken my heart. I can not think about it, I start to cry, I scare my our children with my grief because they are not used to seeing me like this.
You are still here, and there is a reason for that, but I am sorry for your suffering. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.