Hello Mel, I wish it gets better was never said to you as I wish the same for me. It does not get better. It only gets bearable. As time goes on with therapy and whatever else you find that helps you grieve. Each day becomes bearable. That's all. Not easier not better. Hold on to the memories I find they give me strength. You'd be surprised when you think about conversations you had and how true the meaning holds now. It's almost like they always knew you'd need these memories. There are truly dark days. But there are ok days too. Where a thought makes you smile. In those moments you feel so blessed to have even known them. These are the holidays all I ask of you is to take it easy, know you are not alone, and it's ok not be okay today. Give yourself time to grieve just don't get lost in it. Your friend and partner would never want you to live that tortured existence because of them. They are free life is for the living. When you feel yourself going to deep in do whatever has always given you happiness and pull yourself out. You are strong. I wish you well on your journey. Friend me if you'd like.