Hi Nancy,

I see you've just passed your one-year anniversary; I hope it wasn't unduly difficult.  I've not been on Legacy as much lately; there's a bereaved spouses group on Facebook and since I'm on FB more often generally, I tend to be there more often.  Are you on Facebook?

It was 8 months yesterday since Steve died, and our wedding anniversary was last weekend, so I've had a resurgence of grief lately.  I think (hope?) it's easing up a little, but this is such a roller-coaster ride, it's hard to tell sometimes if I'm better or worse.

Take good care of yourself, and drop me a line when you get a chance.

Hugs,

Susan

i wish i knew what to say that would help . all i know is  we must find ways to count blessings

good luck to you nancy .

david

Hi, Nancy.  Thanks for writing.  For some reason on Monday of this week, I woke up feeling better and my attitude was different.  Today is another down day, but for four days this week I almost felt like my old self.  I guess there is hope.  I have been concerned about my best friend's husband and the impossible health problems he is facing and another friend's husband just had two stents put in Wednesday. So it's true what they say about thinking of others and what you can do for them.  That has definitely been true about coming to this site and feeling the love and concern from complete strangers.  When my bad days start, I always turn to God.  He's always there to help me get through the toughest times.  Please feel free to write anytime, even if it's just to rant and rave, which I seem to do quite often.  Joan

Hi Nancy - I saw your comment on Barbara Roth's site.  I also live not too far away - north side of Chicago - and I lost my husband suddenly, too.  He was killed riding his bicycle (struck by a car) on September 5.  My life changed in a moment, and it's been very difficult.  But I'm glad you found this site.  It's helped me to share with others who are going through the same thing, and I've sometimes received notes from people that came at just the right moment.  So, welcome!  I'll send you a friend request, too.  Take care of yourself.

Hello Nancy,

My heartfelt prayers for you and your mother to have peace through this. I hope that you will benefit from the words of all the good people on this site who understand better than most I've encountered, what surviving the death of your life partner feels like. It has been 5 difficult months for me. Sometimes I feel as if I belong in a mental hospital, sometimes I wish I could live in the church isolated from the world at large & have people praying for me constantly, and there have been a few times where I actually felt like myself and thought I can manage.

I read your comment about eating & want you to know I am the same way.  Larry loved my cooking/baking & I loved making him happy, but I honestly have not cooked a single meal in the past 5 months! I lost over 20 lbs right away & it hasn't come back- that's a good thing because I had been overweight for more than five years. Going grocery shopping is heartwrenching for me. It's strange the things that effect us. I love my husband today as much or more than I did five months ago. I try to be the person he loved & more like the person I loved although it is really hard just to get out of the bed sometimes. People here have no expectations on where you should be on the road to recovery- that's a comfort to me when family & friends expect us to be the same, when we never will be. HUGS & best wishes -Christy

Dear Nancy,

 

It has been 18 months since my husband died.  He was my best friend and we were together 32 years.  What I want to tell you is this:  it will get better with time.  And time is different for everyone of us on this site.  I still grieve the loss of my dear Douglas, but I am doing better every day.  There are two parts to losing someone you love.  One is to grieve and one is to mourn.  You grieve silently but you mourn openly.  Cry when you must, scream if you have to, and laugh when you remember a wonderful memory that you and your husband shared together.  That is what he left you -- lots of wonderful memories.  It is the memories that I rely on to keep me going forward.  Douglas is with me every day in spirit.  He is my guardian angel.  I miss him, I will always love him, and I can talk about him without choking up, crying, or folding like a chair.  The love he and I shared is what is keeping me on the road to feeling good again.  Is my life different?  You bet, but that is not a bad thing.  All of us went from "couple" to "single" and that has opened many doors for me.  I am back in school for my master's degree, I am still working but looking forward to retirement, and I am finding different ways to fix oatmeal!  That is my main staple as well.  And my dog -- what a joy he is.  Just know that all of us on this site are in this together and will help in any way we can.  Take care, know that I am thinking of you, and you will survive!  I promise...................  in peace,  Brigitte

Hi Nancy,

I am sorry you found yourself in a position to join us here. I hope that you are able to take some peace with you when you come here, it has helped me after my wife passed 2 days after Thanksgiving 2010 after a very brief battle with Lung and Abdominal Cancers. Sometimes just reading and knowing there are many others that understand and are feeling the same is very helpful.

This is probably the biggest and hardest task in life we face, with help, compassion, and support hopefully we can make the best of the worst situation in our lifetimes.

Hugs, Prayers, and Best Wishes,

Pete