You are lucky that you have felt your husbands presence, as of today I have not had that experiece. I so wish I did. I have not dreamed about Neal either. If I have, I don't remember.
My Neal died in our bedroom in the recliner, with one son on either side of him and me at his feet holding his hand. Hospice ask me if I wanted to take him to the Hospice hospital and I said absolutely not. Neal would not have wanted to go and I did not want him to leave home. I took care of him until the very end and I do not regret one minute. I know you are also that your husband was at home at the end. Hugs
Patricia, I lost my Neal 7 1/2 months ago, October 15, 2010. You are not alone in how you feel. I get so tired of people telling me to keep busy, it will make it better. For one, I don't feel like keeping busy and two, nothing can make my life better now. I know I need to get up and do things, but I usually end up just walking around looking at the things that need to be done. I just do not have the heart to do anything. So you are not alone in how you feel.
I have to sons, ages 30 and 40. I try not to cry in front of them as they don't seem to know what to do (of course there is nothing they can do). I try to be a good actress in front of them, but sometimes they know I am acting like I am ok when I am not.
Neal and I were married 40 years. He was 19 years old and I was 17 years old. We had a good marriage. There were tough times but we got through them by working together. It was me and Neal against the world. We had friends but most of the time everything we did it just Neal and me.
We have a lot in common Patricia. But I think most everyone on this site feels like we do, some are further along in grief and some not as far as us, but all of us are the same. This site has been so wonderful for me. I can be myself and express exactly how I feel and not have to hide anything. Hugs