I've had a lot of people tell me to give it time, that everything gets better. I believe that you learn how to keep functioning with the pain. I don't believe it "goes away". I've also had people give me a time frame, like at one year I was supposed to be better or I was supposed move on. It's been over a year and a half and I'm still struggling with many of the things you are. It's sunk in that he won't be here everyday, that I shouldn't rush home to see him, but at the end of the day he's the only person I want to see. I have trouble sleeping, and when I finally do, I have dreams of him and then I'm devastated when I wake up. I'll go out with my friends (who are mostly couples so that's difficult too) and I'll have the hardest time going home to an empty house. It's truly something that you face alone, because the closest person you have to share everything with is your spouse/your mate. And in the deepest hours of your grief you don't have that person with you. I eventually want to share my life with someone again. I'm torn with my feelings that I have to continue to enjoy life vs honoring & respecting the love that we had for each other. I also don't know if I'd ever let someone get as close as we were for the fear of losing them too. I can tell you that I'm a stronger person than I'd ever thought I'd be. That there's very few things in life that get under my skin. That I don't let anything go unresolved with my loved ones and I'm always sure that they know how much I love them. But I'd give anything for a day with Ruben and I'd especially never wish this pain on anyone else. I send you my sincerest condolences. Life's gonna project you forward whether you want to go or not, just do your best every day and take things as they come. Stay strong. I'm here for whatever you need to say. It helps me to hear that I'm not completely alone in this too.
Hi Sabrina, i believe that we may have similar situations. I lost my childhood friend/best friend/boyfriend. It's so hard to put a label to someone you love with no end that does them justice. He was in a tragic work accident March 17, 2010. I just found legacy.com by stumbling across the article "Coping with Sudden Death". I suggest you read it if you haven't already. Sending you my support.