I looked at your memorial site for Roman, what a nice tribute. I bet a lot of friends and family find comfort there.
Autumn was my oldest child and only daughter. She was born with a tethered spinal cord and had nine surgeries and had been in the hospital over 30 times in her short life. She struggled with health issues her whole life and was finally happy. She was a very creative artist and was going to college for art and had an apartment she shared with my niece. My niece spent the weekend with my sister and her family and arrived home on Monday, December 6 and assumed Autumn was sleeping. She called my sister and my sister said that she should check on Autumn that she should be awake by this time. This is when my niece found her. The coroner said at the time it looked like she died from the flu and she died peacefully. She had an autopsy done and the results won't be in until the end of January and honestly, they results don't matter. She's gone, no matter what the reasons. I had spent so much time with Autumn through out her life and watched her fight one battle after another, we had a bond I don't have with my sons. It is just so so horrible. Most of the time I try not to think about it. I went to the grocery store the other day and almost broke down near the spices just because Autumn liked to cook and would tell me about all the spices she liked using. I know when my brother died, I worked at a gas station in high school and a guy came in that looked so much like him and also had his mannerisms, it took my breath away and really shook me up. I'm sure I'll have moments like that with Autumn too. I'm not looking forward to it. I really appreciate your listening to me and for sharing your story of Roman. It does make a difference.
Hi Susan:) No problem with the stupid caps key LOL! I am so glad to hear from you...not many friends on here so really helps me to hear from you. Not that I'm lil miss social butterfly anymore LOL!! Glad to hear about the 29th...sometimes we so dread certain days that the build up before the day is worse than the day itself. I must admit I shed quite a few tears on the 26th...to be honest I find it hard to cry sometimes especially in front of others...just makes me feel so vulnerable & weak. I understand totally about the years gone by...how sometimes it seems like yesterday & then others it seems like a lifetime ago. The holidays are fast approaching...a time of year that I used to enjoy so very much & now I just work to make it through. Ian had a younger brother...he is now 31 & is the father of my granddaughter so Christmas is still a day for love with my family. My public charity that I run in memory of Ian is a huge success! It helps so very much to know that I am making a difference for other skaters & saving lives. One of the most wonderful feelings...I received an email from a skater that received a helmet from me...he told me how he had an accident recently on his board & if he had not been wearing the helmet I gave him...he was sure he would have been seriously or fatally injured. It gives me some comfort to know that in Ian's memory I am saving lives & keeping another mother's child safe. Thank you so much Susan for thinking of me & for being my friend. Hugs to you...Marcy
Hi Susan...I'm so sorry that I haven't responded sooner, but like you October is a hard month for me. Ian's 34th birthday would have been on the 26th...his birthday was the most important day of the year for him...he felt Christmas was a day that everyone shared, but his birthday was truly his day:) It is always a hard day for me. Thank you so much for your comforting words & for checking on me. The family is doing good...time does somewhat ease the intense pain that one feels at first, but the loss just becomes so much more apparent...so much time has gone by since I heard Ian's voice, his laugh or gotten one of his huge warm hugs:( It has been over 5 years now (sigh). How are you & your family? I am thinking of you & sending you big warm hugs...Marcy
Thank you Susan for your kind words. I am having an especially hard time today since it is my Mom's b-day and Sophia would have been 7 mo old tomorrow. I am torn between complete and utter sadness and this unrelenting anger. I know that my oldest daughter was eating solids and all that good stuff I will never see Sophia experience that.
I understand that my Mom raised 4 children and that is why I had all the confidence in the world when I left my babies with her. It kills me to know that all that comfort was not real, nothing is within our control. I know she did not set out to have her granddaughter die that day but in the end, she did.
I just wish I...I don't know what I wish for because I know we all are here because we do wish something had gone differently.
Just one more kiss, one more hug, one more smile, just one more....
I think about what my Mom would feel if I were to go. I don't know. I am the same age your son would have been today and I cannot imagine your pain. I'm so very sorry.