Oh, I see that you have just joined our group.  I just read your comment and see that you lost your husband 4 years ago and that you still struggle with purpose.  I'm sorry, I should have read the conversation thread before responding in the last message.  My son died by suicide 6 mos ago, so I am new to this grief thing, but I tell you, I hate it.  It hasn't been as long a time as you have had to suffer, but I had hoped it would get easier with time, but what I am continuing to read from others is that it takes a long time for many.  I too struggle with feelings of purposelessness and emptiness, even though I have other wonderful loved ones in my life.  I am not married, but I sometimes think about how it would be to lose a partner, and I think how hard that would be.  You two were one for so long and your identity and purpose were likely very tied in with his.  I don't think that would be easy to get over.  I wish I could share words of encouragement with you in the area of your need, and regret that I cannot, since I lost a son rather than a life partner, but I have an intuition that yours is a deep deep loss that will take some time to heal from.  How many years were you together, may I ask?