Teresa Sanchez Gardner
  • Female
  • Shreveport, LA
  • United States
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I've lost my father and husband in 1 month...how do I move on???

I lost my father to cancer on Sept 17, 2010. Watching him suffer was the hardest thing I thought I would ever endure. He was my hero and I miss him so much. I was fortunate to have my husband, Shawn, by my side through the grieving process. Then, he was in a fatal accident on Oct 14, 2010. I was awakened by a phone call at 2:30am and the state police showed up at my doorstep! I thought it was all a bad dream...but it wasn't. I was completely devastated!

Now, the holidays are upon us and I can't seem to move forward. I just wish the holidays were over and the New Year will be better.

I miss you so much daddy and Shawn!

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At 10:08pm on February 2, 2011, Rev. John W. Crawley said…
Hang in there sweat it will get better and pray for peace in you spirit Love you Rev.J Crawley 
At 10:18pm on December 18, 2010, sharon cox said…

So sorry for your losses Teresa.  That's a lot to bear in such a short time.

     I too got that knock on my door.  I opened it to see 2 state troopers who gave me the news that started this nightmare.  I was in such shock for so long that I couldn't even understand what had happened.  I walked around for the first 5 months after this on "auto-pilot".  I don't know how I went to work, took care of my kids, coached soccer etc..  It took me awhile before I could even begin to talk to people about what happened, but I am so glad that I sought a support group.  I hope you have done the same, it really helps to be with people who understand the things you are going through.  Hospice offers grief counseling and grief camps during the summer.  Me and my girls attended one and it really helped.  Within the first 5 minutes of my first group session, the leader of the group shared everything that that I had been going through!  It was such a comfort to know that I wasn't losing my mind and that I wasn't the only one experiencing these things.  It was a turning point for me and I began to seek all the knowledge about what I was going through.  I went to the library and checked out several books about grief as well.  Grief is hard whether expected or not, but sudden death can be very difficult to handle on your own.  This fall I attended "Grief Share" at our local hospital, and that has made the biggest difference in my recovery. 

    I still miss him so badly and this is hard, but I also know that I will get through it and you will too.  Please seek all the support you can, I wish I had done it sooner.  We are here for you and you are not alone in all of this, just remember to reach out.   I too dread the holidays.  Just remember it's ok to do things differently if you need to.  I took my girls to the beach for Father's day and that helped a lot.  I know we won't always be able to avoid the holidays, but we can start new traditions.  Hugs to you.

At 1:59pm on December 3, 2010, Carrie L said…
Hi hoping you are ok. never to forget. always to love and cherish.. take care we are on here because we are devestated. glad you had such a close bond. i will miss all the love also. that is what we are so sad about everything we no longer have. carrie L
At 4:30pm on December 1, 2010, Teresa Sanchez Gardner said…
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for writing to me. I am so happy to hear from people that know what I'm going through. I'm just so sorry we all have lost someone so important in our lives! I wish I could turn back time and I would've said/done so many things differently. I doubt that would've helped at all, but I know I would've taken back any arguments or negative things I've ever said to him. I do know that the last thing I said to him, on the phone that night, was that I loved him. I'm glad I got to talk to him a few hours before he died.
Thank you all...and I look forward to healing with all of you.
At 4:30pm on December 1, 2010, Teresa Sanchez Gardner said…
Hello everyone! Thank you so much for writing to me. I am so happy to hear from people that know what I'm going through. I'm just so sorry we all have lost someone so important in our lives! I wish I could turn back time and I would've said/done so many things differently. I doubt that would've helped at all, but I know I would've taken back any arguments or negative things I've ever said to him. I do know that the last thing I said to him, on the phone that night, was that I loved him. I'm glad I got to talk to him a few hours before he died.
Thank you all...and I look forward to healing with all of you.
At 7:29am on December 1, 2010, Debbie Treadway said…
Hi Teresa, I truly understand what you said about other people's lives going on and them being happy when our worlds have just fallen apart. It seems so unfair but I guess it is true what they say "life is not fair". I do know that if I need to cry I do it because I have found if I hold it in it makes me finally have a total meltdown. Always feel free to share your feelings here whenever you need to and know we are here to help you any way we can.
At 11:14pm on November 29, 2010, Susan Mayer said…
Hi Theresa - I lost my husband suddenly in an accident, too, on Sept. 5 and, like you, received the news from the police. He was hit by a car while riding his bicycle; I was home asleep (also like you) and awoke to find he was gone. It's a terrible, traumatic shock, so be gentle with yourself for a while. And welcome to the site; people here know what you're going though and will help.
At 9:11pm on November 29, 2010, Barbara Roth said…
Hi Teresa, I am so sorry for everything you have gone through. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I lost my husband Oct. 21. to lung cancer. The holidays are going to be rough, but with the help of friends on this site, hopefully we'll get by. Take care and know that you have friends here to help.
 
 
 

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