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At 12:27am on March 16, 2010, Ryan said…
I thank you all so very much. Your support and your positive reinforcement helps me out so much. Sadly, I have isolated myself so bad on this midnight security job that I do, I find myself unable to really be close to too many peoples. Family and the Friend that I have. Knowing that there IS someone to talk to, someone whom knows this undescribeable feeling. And I thank everyone for your support, I thought this may have been a mistake or even foolish of me to attempt to find something? But now, I slightly put to ease. I can finally say what I truly feel and get a honest, unbiased feedback.
At 11:01am on March 15, 2010, jennifer said…
it's hard sometimes to let go of a child but i dont think you should let go,my ex husband raised my 19 yr old since birth and the court recognizes him as the father even though there is a dna test that shows who his real dad is..i beleive that you should fight for the son that you raised and at the same time pray for god to help you,it make take some time but if u beleive you will get him back..my ex killed my 2 yr old son and there is nothing i can do to bring him back but you can..you can fight for him
At 11:43pm on March 14, 2010, Cindy Sadler said…
Hi Ryan, I also feel that you are in the right place. We care about each other and we care about You Also. You are suffering the loss of a child maybe not the same way you are but definatly a lose none the less. If My Son had a Dad Half as caring and Loving as You My Son would still be Alive Today. So pat Yourself on the back from me for sure. I don't know what the future will bring you but have the comfort of knowing that he is still alive and you may one day be reunited with him in this life. We have to hope and Pray Everyday that we can see our Children After we die and nobody can say for sure 100% what the chances of that are. Please continue living (although it will be painful and sad) and one day it is VERY Possible that you can not only see him but you will be able to wrap your arms around him and tell him as your looking into his eyes how Much You Love Him once again in this life. Keep Your chin up and know that it Will happen. But you can Not continue to walk around uncaring of Your own saftey. He Very Well can and with the bond that you shared I Believe he Will Remember you. We All know how hard it is to be seprated from the Children we Love so Deeply. Hang in there and have some positive hope for the future. I feel that part of what you are feeling is the thoughts that you think that Your Son thinks that You just up and abanded him. That must be Very Painful too. You know that is Not the case and one day unfoutiatly it will be later then sooner but you can tell him. If I was you I would write down your thoughts to him over the years and give them to him one day. It will help move the thoughts from your head to the paper which believe me what a releif that can be. I used to get so worried about Everything because I didn't want to forget things or Remember but remember too late. I can also read into your deep down pain and understand that some of the feelings that you are having are the same as if a death has accurd because the Dad - Son bound that you had has been taken away and that has to be tough. On the other hand you do still have some kind of a chance as mentioned below to connect to him in his teens. You are welcome here just like the rest of us. I hope the Best for You and Your Son. ((((((HUG-RYAN))))))
At 8:10am on March 14, 2010, Roberto Corona said…
Hi Ryan, I wanted to reach out to you. I think your in the right site because you as all of us are feeling the loss of your son. In Spanish, we have saying "father is he who raises" so I feel for your loss just the same as if he were yours and lost him they way we have. At least you can have the comfort of knowing that while he is alive you have hope of recovering him or keeping some relationship with him so keep on insisting, the lord will put that child in right hands.
You position must be very hard and it saddens me that you are having to deal with almost the same feelings as all of us here. Be strong man, stay positive and just find the way to make it known to him that are there for him always, I hope this will bring him closer to you. My thoughts and prayers are with you. *Most guys in your position would just walk away but, you must have a real big heart and love for this kid. God knows this and will help you. When I lost my daughter I also lost my grandaughter my wife and I raised as she went to live with her Dad. None of us are happy with this and I have much faith she will be back with us. Again Father is the guy who raised you. Be Well, hang in there. My thoughts are with you. Roberto.
At 7:32pm on March 13, 2010, Tammy Egberts said…
Ryan, we all suffer losses..Death, separation, it can feel the same to that person experiencing the loss.. I hate to say this, but sometimes women can be cruel when it comes to break-ups, divorce they tend to not take the mans feelings into consideration about the child, men love their children too...my son Robby passed away last august, and it has been a living nightmare without him in my life..before he passed his ex-wife would not let him see his son unless she was there, like he would hurt him..she only wanted to have control over my son, and it deeply hurt him, but she didn't care...you have to be strong, and like jonnell said someday you can tell him how much you loved him, and wished that you could have continued to have been his father, but unfortunately his mother took him away...believe me i do know how you are feeling because i saw it in my son's eyes how sad he was to not be able to be the father he wanted to be.. please talk to us here on legacy if you ever need to vent. we have all been through the pain of loss ours is in death...i know that you will get through this, and hopefully have a child you can fall in love with again, but never forget anthony because he will probably always be in your heart...take care, and bless you..Tammy E
At 8:46am on March 13, 2010, Jonnell said…
also you have to try your hardest to forgive, forgive your ex for taking him from you. Its not worth living in agony and anger over what someone else has done. Make the most of your life and be the best person you can be, without forgiveness its nearly impossible to live a life of happiness.
At 8:41am on March 13, 2010, Jonnell said…
well it might not be eactly the same but you still have a loss in your life and it is very painfull i can tell you have deep feelings for Anthony. This is a sad situation because im sure Anthony very much loved you as his daddy, his mother is not a nice person for taking him from you, no matter what your differences she should not have brought him into it. Ryan it is difficult cause you dont have any legal rights you have to find a way to let it go, its ok to think of Anthony and hope he is ok but you have to be at ease knowing he is being taken care of, maybe not the way you would take care of him but when he is older you will be able to contact him, in his teen years look him up there are many ways to reach out but you have to give it time and yes by that time he will most likely not remember you but at least you can then see how he is, its never too late to let someone know you care about them or if you have an address to send him cards or gifts now maybe even the grandparents house they can save it and give it to him when he is older just so he knows you always thought of him. Dont be discouraged just keep in mind thata this is not forever and in time he can talk to you, right now he has no control. Keep positive and maybe once you have another child you will be able to spread your love to that child who you do have rights to. I hope i can help in some way and yes your words can help people it was nice of you to write that, best wishes
Jonnell, Philips mom

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