Hi Charlotte. Thanks for writing back,I hope one day you can get to where you can feel better. I am on meds. also my problem is I don't refill them and go a week or so without and then I get so depressed, they are doing what they are suppose to I'm not. I truelly am glad I've reached the place I'm at as far as the grieving process goes, it is so dabilating to be in the black hole as I call it and that is not how I want to live, that is not living so I'm at peace feeling this way , not at first tho. I will do the best I can till I'm called to go home and be with all the loved ones there and there is many, way to many. I know I've learned to try not to dwell on the losses I've had, I would probally be in the mental ward. There is only me and my sister left. then nephews a niece and cousins. We were taught that the lord doesn't give you more then you can handle and I've said enough is enough, I can't take anymore ,some people for what ever reason don't know what it is like to loose someone close to them and others get bombarded with it. ok I've rambled enough lol I' ll talk to you later. God bless, Virginia

charlotte: i will let you know how i make out enjoy your weekend. yes george knew i liked ac he did not really like me going alone because of my health issues but i have 2 other people watching me

Hi Charlotte, I'm still not sure I have it right Brandy a new member tried to help telling me to use my blog, I tried but not sure it is what I want,I only wrote something small there but I can see it not sure anyone else can lol I'm not very computer savey, but we'll see.I hope you are ok I know the despair we all feel. I was the same way I would tell my nephew all the time I was wanting to die and he would get so upset because he has his own family a wife and beautifull 16 month old and worried I would try to kill myself.I put him straight on that,as in my beleaf if you do that you are not going to heaven and thats where my mike is, and I will be one day. I am at 13 months now and this week things seem to be changing for me I am not crying all the time, I don't have that let me crawl in a hole and die feeling.The other day I was feeling guilty about feeling better, I'm not saying I don't have moments of depression and crying but it doesn't last long at all. I am now health wise at a point where I'm able to get out and go this wasn't true for the last year mike was alive. I got so sick and wound up in the hosp in intensive care for a week and when I came home I was on oxygen then told I could not work anymore. This scared mike so bad he would say how are you going to be able to take care of me, he was thinking he would winde up in a nurseing home I told him no way.I was able to do what I had to it took alot longer and we ordered out alot as cooking really was out for a while, but was able to get back to it and boy was he happy about that he always said nobody cooked as good as me. let me quit babbling lol. I miss him more today then ever, and there will never be anyone else for me but I'm going to go and do as long as I feel I can, knowing he is with me all the time. I am also on a antidepressent and zanax I was put on the antidepressent by my lung DR. to help me quit smoking it works for that and the ins. pays for it as far as the zanax my pcp gave it to me to help when mike passed I didn't take it untill about 3 months ago when I thought I was going crazy from all the crying and deppression I was histeracle my pcp said are you taking the zanix I said no HE said take it so I started taking it and was feeling better then I didn't refill it boy that was a mistake because I went right back the way I was he wrote it for 3 x a day but I only take 1 in the a m so I think that is why I'm feeling the way I am now. Mike was such a happy funny person who always said he was high on life and could make you laugh when you didn't want to and I was a happy person so maybe it's time to honor him and live my life till god says my number is up. I'm wishing you well and will keep you in my prayers. Virginia

thanks charlotte: someone told me i will hit because george will be beside me. knowing george he would be watching over me. i am also going to vegas in sept 18 staying at the treasure island hotel i need this for myself and george would not want me just to do nothing he knows i like ac and vegas thanks for the luck will let all know when i come back

Hi Charlotte, Yes you're right - this is the only place where I feel like I belong or where the words people say actually have meaning and weight behind them - not just empty.
73 days today and I honestly don't know how I'll get through another. Everything is difficult - even the normal small things. Started writing a diary this afternoon and on page 18 already. It's like there is no end to the words / thoughts / emotions in my head. Suppose it's good to get it out... I just feel so terribly alone and SAD. It's exhausting!

charlotte, dont overlook anything it could be something simple like hearing his favorite song every time you get in a car or a smell of his cologne. anything. i lost my husband on march 27 2010 and hes reached out to me in many ways. dont look to hard just let it come.i hope this helps. mischell