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grieving husband

Posted on June 13, 2010 at 8:30am 14 Comments

my wife was killed 4/5/2010 in car accident.i had my wife for 28 years . the reality when your go out alone and come home to empty house is more than i can handle .i should not say empty house because she left me the cats and dogs and horses but without her there it's not the same . i miss her more than i can explain or describe . i wish i could say something that would help others in my situation because i know the key to helping self is helping others but i am too tied up praying for help for… Continue

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At 7:25pm on May 31, 2015, Barbara Rieger said…

Hi David,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your dear precious wife of 28 years.I saw your name and clicked on it because I thought it was posted by David Bernie's father. When I began reading on your wall I realized that you were a different David. However, the reason I am posting this to you is because my only child/son Joe was on his motorcycle on 4/4/2010 driving home to where he lived with my mother who didn't come to dinner on that Easter Sunday. On 4/5/2010 a couple of young and nice police officers came to our door to inform us about the passing of our precious son Joe who was 42 years old at the time when the drunk driver was careless and hit Joe. I learned last year that my ex-husband my son Joe's  biological father passed away just 5 weeks after Joe. My husband of 43 years adopted Joe not too long after we were married. He had wanted to adopt Joe because he was only about 4 1/2 years old when Bill and I were married.

You're right the key to helping self is by helping others. It's good therapy and I thought I'd connect with you because we both lost a very precious loved one on the same month, day and year. You have said something to help me because unfortunately we identify. It's important to identify with others in one way or another. Keep gardening as my husband now does the gardening. I belong to a garden club in my town and I'm membership chair, publicity chair I write articles and take photos then place in local newspapers and this year I'm vice-president. It keeps me busy like today I went for a couple of hours to a historical towne in the town I live. Our garden club members take care of the medicinal herbal garden behind a 3rd generation doctor gave it to the towne called East Jersey Olde Towne in New Jersey. They had their first annual history day. Most groups were from the Historical Society from neighboring towns. By the way you don't have to worry about helping others because you are doing that simply by posting here. Talk about your situation to as many people that are willing to lend an ear. If you want to feel sorry for yourself it's okay. Don't worry about it! OOps I just realized you wrote the post that I'm responding to 5 years later.

At 5:52pm on September 9, 2012, didi said…

You seem to be in a good place, hope I can there one day too.

God bless

At 3:39am on August 5, 2012, Marsha H said…
Hey there David ... Great hearing from you. Firstly, how are YOU doing?

Things are slightly better than last year when Ernie passed away, but I miss him so much and probably always will. I am seeing mostly girlfriends even though I have been asked out by a 41 year old single man who is a neighbor and I had to laugh and told him I was old enough to be his mother; keeping busy in the garden; fixing things inside/outside of the house so I just slump into bed dead beat. Time does heal and I'm blessed with good friends such as you and others on this forum and also friends and neighbors here. Already people are trying to get me to date again (who may I ask? LOL) It is much harder for women to meet men I think, but, I'm not ready for that right now.

I have one more mountain to climb (I hope.) I am having surgery August 10th and scared to death! They say that often long-term caregivers often get ill themselves once their loved one passes. I have my small family (no children) but my brother and his family and many friends here for support and they are almost as anxious as I am over the surgery. The tough thing about it is I am going to the same hospital I use to visit Ernie in for so long and where he was dying and even when I went for pre-op I felt I was living that nightmare all over again. I almost felt for awhile I could go to the second floor of that hospital and see Ernie there and then I came back to reality. I think this is all part of my anxiousness about the surgery and the misery poor Ernie went through although my problem (female problems) is not near what he had to go through with his pancreatic/liver cancer. I pray every single night I will be OK and that I will have some sort of a future with some happiness. Seems like many on here I have been climbing one mountain after the other and I'm getting soul weary.

Still, I do keep busy. My two dogs are a delight to have around and I see my family and friends quite often. It gives me pleasure to work in the garden and see what I've planted grow. Right now we are going through a heat wave and although it is not as hot as Toronto we go from about 55 - 60 degrees to well over 90 in less then 24 hours and not a breeze to be had. It is too hard on people to take that sudden heat, so on Saturday I didn't even venture outside and stayed in my air-conditioned house. Later watered the gardens and let the dogs have a run outside as it was too hot to take them to the dyke. Tomorrow is suppose to be the same heat with high humidity and then it will start to taper off to more reasonable temperatures. Thank the good Lord!

Hope you are having a great weekend my friend.

Hugs
Marcy
At 4:57am on August 4, 2012, Marsha H said…
Well hire there David ... No, sorry, didn't get your message. Had difficulties leaving you a message and didn't think it went through, but can see it did several times.

Of course I wouldn't forget you and think of you often as you have kindly encouraged me through some very rough moments since my Ernie's passing even though you were going through tough times yourself and that means a lot to me. Just wanted to be sure things were going a little better for you.

Hugs
Marcy
At 3:28pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 3:28pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 3:28pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 3:27pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 3:27pm on August 2, 2012, Marsha H said…

Hi David ...

Haven't been on the forum for a long while because I have been so busy doing things to the house; gardening; seeng friends more.  You have been a dear to me in the past and encouraged me so much even though you were going through emotional pain yourself so just wanted to stop in to see how you were doing. 

Hugs (just in case you need it)

Marcy

At 7:52am on October 24, 2011, Christy said…

Congratulations David on having the courage to move forward with your life & I wish you the best in your new relationship.

God Bless~ Christy

 
 
 

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